I wish I could read one thread involving sexuality that didn’t have all these ridiculous terms for specific groups of people that I’ve never heard anyone say in real life.
Ex: Incel…Cis-gender…Power Bottom!
Meh. Terms arise for reasons; every term is significant to somebody. If you’ve never heard a term IRL, it just means you haven’t spent much time in a social circle for whom the concept was relevant.
This. It also reduces sex to “penis in vagina”. Which is great fun, but sex is way more than just that.
Virginity is a ridiculous, outdated concept. The only time I think this is even a reasonable thing to bring up is maybe in a medical situation. (“I’m quite sure I’m not pregnant, Doc. I’ve never had intercourse.”)
Really the closing time skank is overstating the case - it’s not uncommon for ‘incel’ type guys to only want a super hot chick in her early 20s, with stunning outfits and perfect hair and makeup, not an extra ounce of body fat, and no hobbies or interests that don’t match what he wants, even though the guy doesn’t put any real effort into grooming, fitness, or dressing. The roommate of a former girlfriend of mine was like this - he would complain bitterly that no women were into him at all, and blamed it on him being too smart and having some odd interests. But he started dating, then stood up and broke up with a woman who was otherwise compatible with him for being ‘too fat’ at around 30 pounds over ‘standard’, even though he was about 100 pounds over his ideal weight.
Ever heard the “used piece of tape” lesson they teach in some schools? Women get shamed for the opposite.
Or you could just out and rape somebody.
Oh, yeah, I forgot… Some of actually have some moral standards.:smack:
Silly me for wanting to be in a loving, monogamous relationship with a human being that I actually care about.
So you made a choice, that doesn’t sound ‘involuntary’ to me.
Do you imagine that most people lose their virginity while in a relationship as you describe?
I don’t believe people do care about anyone’s virginity. I’ve never met anyone who does. It’s an easy target if you’re trying to hurt someone who seems like a socially inept loser, but that’s not the same thing as caring about virginity.
For example, lots of people actually hate gays or transgendered people or any number of other frequently maligned groups. On the other hand, when someone like Daniel Tosh makes a joke about being able to tell nerds what a vagina feels like it’s just an easy laugh. It’s mean and meant to make nerds feel bad for sure, but it’s different than actually caring that people are virgins.
I make the distinction because none of the people I know or I personally care whether someone is an adult virgin, and we certainly wouldn’t make a cruel joke like that. Nevertheless, if we were talking about adult virgins we’d probably say things that would be very hurtful for them to hear.
We might say that it’s very unusual and outside the norm to be an adult virgin. We might say that outside of a medical condition or non-modern-western religion or culture, being a virgin into adulthood is per se a sign that you’ve missed an important part of self development. Or that someone who has reached into adulthood and never experienced that sort of physical intimacy almost certainly has other interpersonal deficiencies.
I’m pretty sure the vast majority of people feel that way and those who don’t aren’t being kind, they’re just mistaken. I tried to put them in the most neutral and least demeaning way I could, but I’m sure they’d be really hurtful for adult virgins to hear.
So I would say the simplistic approach is to blame everyone else for holding reasonable beliefs that just happen to be 1) negative and 2) hurtful. The better approach is to expect people to develop some basic coping skills to deal with their hurt feelings.
We all have people who hold negative opinions about us, whether it’s from meeting us personally or just knowing certain generic attributes about us. Of course that can reach a point where it’s just cruel and vindictive and the victim deserves nothing but sympathy and the attackers deserve condemnation. I think it’s really sad the Internet is making that type of ‘shaming’ so common. But the vast majority of negative adult virgin sentiment is far from that.
I dunno about all this.
I’m at the phase in my life when everyone who is my age is married, actively trying to find a mate, or in the throes of a failed marriage. If I get invited to a social event, there is an expectation that I will have someone on my arm. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, there is an expectation that I will mention what “we” did. When I meet someone new or reconnect with an old acquaintance, quite frequently the first thing I am asked is if I’m seeing anyone and do I have any kids. People sit around the breakroom, talking about kids and relationship drama. I stand there and smile, never having anything to add to the conversation other than questions.
I have never told anyone about my status outside of the internet, doctors, and a couple of people who have had the balls to ask. But I’m not under any delusion that no one has guessed. People make jokes and say things that hint at their suspicions. I wish I could say I don’t care, but sometimes it does bother me.
My thoughts exactly. Once upon a time, people kept their private lives private. And I’m not suggesting that sex is something to be treated as secret and shameful - but open, honest conversation doesn’t need to include who you did, how often you did them, where you did it, and do you wanna see the pics??? :eek: Frankly, I feel the same about people who feel the need to share their gastro-intestinal distress tales, and anything to do with substances dripping, oozing, squirting, or otherwise exiting their bodies.
Class - it’s what separates us from the, um, classless…
I did. Why not?
PSXer, just lie. Next time some rando-strango asks you if you’re a virgin just say, “No, I banged so many hotties in college my dick almost fell off.”
Problem solved.
Remember, just say no.
Unless it’s your mom making fun of you. There’s nothing you can do about that.
I think I’ve said this before in other threads, but as I see it, the very concept of “virginity” has outlived any usefulness it may once have had. There is no point or purpose to labeling anyone “virgin” or “non.”
In 2015? I don’t think so, homey.
Um, that sounds worse. “I’m not going to make fun of the thing that’s really wrong with you–which is you being an annoying person. No, instead I’m going to make fun of you for being a virgin because we know that’s going to hurt your feelings. But don’t worry! We don’t really care about you being a virgin. We’re just foolin’ with ya, is all!”
This is a bizarre rationalization.
But it underscores what I said in the thread linked above. If only socially inepts are made fun of for being virgins, guess what? Virginity then carries the same stigma of social ineptness. It becomes a proxy for social ineptness for those who are too lazy to look deeper. It becomes a thing that is shameful to be, because it is fodder for someone else’s amusement.
Do you personally know–in real life–an adult virgin? Someone who is 25 years or older and has “come out”?
Because I’m guessing it is likely something you don’t presume in people you befriend. Just like most people don’t assume the guy they get along with is teh gay. I’m wondering if a friend disclosed their history (or lack thereof), would it change anything.
We might say a lot of things if we don’t appreciate how much we little we know about people. Like, we might think that adult virgins are all weirdos or freaks if we have in our minds that active sexuality is critical to someone’s psychosocial development. Or, we could consider that marginalization and alienation can cause impaired psychosocial development. Perhaps if people who are outside of the norm weren’t constantly told there must be something wrong with them, they wouldn’t perpetuate behaviors that fulfill this prophesy.
Sure. I’m all about developing a thick skin. I’m also a fan of staying away from mouthy, opinionated people who joke around too much.
But I also don’t think it hurts anyone to consider whether their beliefs are reasonable and whether they need to be expressed.
What “usefulness” did it ever have?
I’m not saying it was better or worse. It’s just different.
I agree. That’s exactly what happens.
I’ve never once in my life even pondered whether someone I know is an adult virgin. I don’t care. I don’t know anyone else who cares.
But it is far outside the norm. If you start a thread about being an adult virgin, honest people are going to say that. If you ask kind friends they’ll tell you that if they’re being honest. If you’re lucky they’ll try to soften the blow, because it’s an instance where the truth would probably upset most people.
My only point is, none of the above is ‘shaming’, but some people want to believe it is.
I don’t like mouthy opinionated people either.
It hurts adult virgins to consider that other people’s beliefs about them are reasonable, and that’s a real shame. I don’t want anyone to suffer. But people with negative beliefs about adult virgins aren’t necessarily shaming them. They’re shaming them if they’re mean or cruel or mocking.
THIS x 1000.
While the rest of your post is valid, I don’t agree, however, that everyone in your social circle has guessed or even thinks about it. I guarantee you people think less about you than you think, and since you never talk about anyone, that doesn’t necessarily equate “virgin”. I’ve met people like you and I just figure they like their space. Hell, my best friend never dates or goes out with anyone. She’s happy with her cats. I have never questioned her status. She’s my age, so she’s fixed in her ways somewhat, and doesn’t feel the need to change to accommodate a man - but there isn’t some magical “virgin” indicator.