Well I remember a few years ago I heard someone talking about the two people in the pop act Jedward in the Republic of Ireland and it talked about their Sex Shame and people might have thought it was something terrible, but in fact it was supposedly because they were both virgins and if someone is perhaps aged 35 and it still a virgin people might think there is something wrong with them, or they might be frigid which means cold. What do you think of this? But I think it’s not right that Jedward should be targeted or made fun of like that or that it is a major issue and nowadays there is slut-shaming so maybe now there is
virgin-shaming as well in fact. Do you think this is acceptable that
there is some shame associated with being a virgin and things like this?
I think the shame comes from people assuming there is something about your appearance or personality that makes you undesirable as a romantic partner. Sadly there will always be shame associated with that unless you’re someone who is seen as desirable but who just doesn’t want sex or relationships.
It’s nobody else’s business, and is only a big deal if the virgin themselves makes it one.
MHO, of course.
There will always be an unfair stigma attached to someone who can’t get what society considers desirable. If you are a Millennial saddled by crushing student debt and can’t find a job yet, well, boohoo, you are “a loser in your mom’s basement.”
Society prizes sex; ergo, those who have much of it are “winners,” those who have little of it are “losers.”
That being said, there is a different (unfair as well) ridicule reserved for people like Tim Tebow, who had women throwing themselves at him during his NCAAF and NFL days yet still chose not to have sex until marriage. Society considers it to be absurd religious prudishness.
I was unaware that people were forced to wear a badge giving their virginity status. How do people know?
Second, I think there is a difference between someone in a relationship choosing to be a virgin and someone not in a relationship. I know some people choose not to be in a relationship, but since our species swings that way, the assumption might be that the reason a person is not in a relationship is some issue.
Now people in a relationship don’t have to tell either. If they do, it depends on why. If they say they are virgins because anyone in a relationship with sex is a sinner, they might expect some push back.
Bottom line, I won’t ask about your sex life or lack of one and you don’t advertise it. (Generic you, not OP you.) That goes for strange sexual proclivities also.
Jedward absolutely shouldn’t be ashamed for being virgins, that is bad and should stop.
They should continue to feel shame for being Jedward, though. Because Jedward is fucking terrible.
Hear hear.
I have a theory that people go to see them out of the same fascination that compels them to look at a bloody corpse after a car crash.
Much like Patty and Selma Bouvier, there is a great difference depending on if one chose a life of celibacy or if one has had celibacy thrust upon them.
An attractive person who is a virgin will get the benefit of the doubt, while an average or homely virgin won’t.
I think, like most choices of sexuality, it is more accepted today then ever before. I’ve heard of virgins not getting laid because their partner didn’t want to take their virginity, and even not feeling ‘worthy’ to do so, though would have had sex with them otherwise though that was decades ago.
People don’t know, but they think they know. They will use “virgin” to slur anyone who waves certain red flags. The ole “Bro, have you even touched a girl?” thing gets hurled at awkward guys who seem like they have never touched a girl for the purposes of laughing at them. You may have never encountered such people, but they exist.
That said, I think there is more stigma towards people who have never been in relationships since this is much more apparent than one’s sexual experienxe. A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to eat lunch with a couple of “mean girls” I work with. They were talking shit about a lot of people, to be fair, but the shit that stuck with me the most was what they said about the office secretary. They clicked their tongue over the fact that she always talks about how wonderful her late father was while not being married or having a boyfriend to speak of. Now, I get tired of hearing about this chick’s dead daddy too (just like I get tired of hearing about people’s kids and spouses all the live long day), but I fail to see what her being single has to do with anything. I can put up with some basic level of mean girls, but I don’t think I will be joining these people again any time soon.
I think it is a widespread tendency for people to assess a person against certain markers of success. There is stigma waiting for anyone who doesn’t achieve some number of these markers.
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In other words, just get over it. Would you say the same to someone who felt they’d been slut-shamed?
So, just stay in the closet?
You don’t see the old literal Don’tAskDon’tTell-a-saurus in the wild anymore.
Excuse me?
It’s not ‘staying in the closet’ anymore than not sharing your pooping habits means you’re ‘staying in the closet’.
What **monstro said. The stigma isn’t so much that virgins advertise their virgin status and get mocked for it; it’s that the term “virgin” is itself used as an insult. Just like how, “You must be gay” or “That’s so gay” wasn’t so much an assessment of one’s sexual orientation as it was meant as an attacking insult. Indeed, accusations of gayness were/are often intentionally flung at people known to be heterosexuals, in order to rankle them.
“Virginity” is a meaningless social construct that has no bearing on a person’s sexual experience. Exclusive lesbians are considered to be “virgins” because they have never had PIV sex and never will–a lesbian with a thousand partners under her belt is a “virgin?” A sexual novice? I really don’t think so. Likewise gay men who do not partake of penetrative sex are “virgins?” Hardly. A het man who’s gone down on a hundred women and gotten blowies from them all is a “virgin?” Don’t make me laugh. A woman who’s had manual, oral and anal with multiple partners, she’s a “virgin?” Come on, how stupid can a label be and still be in common use? It’s really way past time to shelve the entire concept of “virginity” and relegate it to the dim and murky past like so many other outmoded, damaging and, frankly, silly labels.
If you’re a virgin through no fault of your own, I pity you. I understand pity is a stigma of its own, but that’s how I feel.
If you chose virginity out of some misplaced quasi-religious idea of purity, then I think you’re foolish if you’re single and a bad partner if you’re in a committed relationship. Adults in romantic relationships have sex unless something is wrong in the relationship (not including disabilities that prevent regular sex). Refusing to have sex with your boyfriend means there’s something wrong with your relationship. People who like each other and hang out without having sex are usually just called “friends”. If you just want to be friends with this guy, stop stringing him along. (Assuming the guy isn’t also a purity-motivated voluntary virgin himself, in which case they’re made for each other.)
If you chose virginity because you’re asexual, more power to you. I don’t understand it, but you do you.
None of that makes it okay to mistreat someone though. But assuming “stigma” doesn’t mean “mistreatment”, I can see where the stigma is coming from.
I don’t think virginity really means those things anymore. More like you’ve never been with someone sexually at all. But yes, I do think it is a stupid insult. I was a virgin until I got married and am not ashamed of that at all (and I’m a guy).
And again, how did you define “virgin?” You did nothing at all sexual with your intended partner until after the ceremony? I respectfully don’t think so!
I went to MIT, which when I was there was the very epicenter of awkward guys. I wasn’t the most awkward, but I wasn’t the least either. The issue was awkwardness more than virginity.
That I buy. Men who have never been in relationships can still use prostitutes and lose their virginity that way. The lack of relationship is the kicker.
Think Beethoven.
Being open about having any relationship same sex or otherwise - is a lot different from handing out details of ones sex life.