strange as that sounds for someone in their 40’s (with octogenarian parents).
It turns out that my mom had a daughter when she was about 20. (The baby was the product of a sexual assault.) She gave her up for adoption, but she and her new husband (not the biological father, even though that’s what was put on the birth certificate) told people that she died during birth.
When my mom had 4 more children, the first pregnancy wasn’t counted on their certificates, mine included. (So instead of 4th of 4, I’m really 5th of 5.)
But now, unknown older sister (now 61) has contacted my mom. My mom’s overwhelmed, but on the happy side. My dad, however, is a leery. (He’s hubby #2, BTW.) I guess his feelings stem from that era, when out-of-wedlock babies were explained away as premature or hidden away.
My mom told my youngest sister, who told me the whole situation. (Mom was aprehensive about talking to her sons about it.)
I’m trying to write a card to my mom showing my support for her, but not dwelling on the details. I know in the day that the circumstances of her pregnancy weren’t very well received, even to the point that some may have said she somehow encouraged the incident. (It was an acquaintance, so prosecuting a rape probably wasn’t encouraged.)
I have had a daughter come back into my life after 30 yrs and it has been nothing but fabulous for us. But I remember when it first began, it was really overwhelming for me.
A woman who surrenders a child for adoption learns to live with never knowing. Are they well? Happy? Even alive? Did they do a good thing? Did they have a happy life? That is part of the bargain you strike with the devil. A lifetimes worth. You can never allow yourself to ever really believe such a thing as reunion could occur.
Reunion is in many ways a minefield. Dark pasts are revisited. There will be challenging times. Hold her close, let her cry, remind her to breath and never stop telling her she’s a wonderful person and everything is going to be just fine.
My reunion with my daughter has brought the greatest joy I have ever known to my life!
We got a new granddaughter last year the same way you got your sister (husband’s daughter’s baby given up for adoption 20 years ago). It’s been a wonderful experience.
I don’t know what I’d say in a card. Why not just call your mom?
Congratulations! Dave’s birth mother found him via an agency five years ago. It’s been wonderful having her family as part of ours. I wish your family an experience as good or better than ours.