I've never had coffee. Ever.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ever watch a fellow diner tuck into a plateful of … whatever … and ask yourself: Blimey! Why don’t I order that sometime? And then you remember: I’d rather chew glass.

That’s how I feel about coffee. That’s how I feel about an awful lot of food, come to think of it.

Food issues? Snort. The whole family has full-blown food psychosis. Now, I am forever grateful for long years of nightly homecooked meals with my parents and siblings. I am grateful that we had as much food as we wanted, and that my mother prepared it unstintingly and lovingly. I do wish, however, that I had been exposed to salad before the age of 15.

Dad couldn’t stand the scent of cheese other than American and Swiss. Hence, no mozzy in the house. No grated parmigiana or romano. And for the love of God, no garlic. I first tasted pizza at 9 years old and thought it something newfangled. Fleeting.

Mom was a graduate of the Salt and Pepper are The Only “Spices” You Need School of the Culinary Arts. She majored in If the Vegetable is Not Found in Your Grocer’s Freezer or Encased in Tin, You Don’t Need it. She minored in Canned La Choy is a Legitimate Foray Into the Exotic.

Most shoppers want convenience and good prices at a grocery store. Not us. My mother scoured the shelves for anything she declared “ethnic.” In truth, ethnic was anything remotely flavorful, whether or not it had any one cultural identity. So ShopRite, Pathmark, and A&P could keep their bloody brown rice and cous-cous. Their red onions. Their parsley and basil and non-Iceburg lettuce. We were interested in three items: meat, white potatoes, and corn. (As teenagers, the sibs and I started snarkily referring to all vegetables as “fro-,” shorthand for “frozen.” What was for dinner tonight? Lamb, white rice, and fro-corn. Tomorrow night, boiled beef, mashed potatoes, and fro-carrots. Thursday, leftovers, plus fro-peas.)

Who eats fish of any kind? Even well into adulthood, not one of us four kids. My last brush with seafood was at age 4. I took a bite of canned tuna and mayo on white, asked for peanut butter on toast instead, and never looked back. Crab? Lobster? Sushi? Flounder? Swordfish? Salmon? Clams? Mussels? Oysters? Shrimp? Never tried! Never will! Ick. Ick POO.

Maple syrup? Never had it. Ditto: coconut, cole slaw, eggs as a dish, and about 2,000 vegetables not even worth mentioning. I’m vegetarian, by the way.

It’s time for tea. I do like tea. But never coffee. Never, ever coffee.

2

MercyStreet, I can’t imagine the horror of your existence. No coffee - the other food issues are scary enough, but <I>no coffee</I> - good god. Have you ever tried it? Have you ever had a <I>good</I> cup? How about cappucino?

Someone buy this person a cup, stat!

3

:eek: The horror! The horror!

4

Ahh, yes, that time-tested foray into adulthood. I can picture it now: “Son, now that you ventured into the wilderness of the produce section, braved savage Bok Choi and heathen Cilantro, and partaken of the sacred Romaine Lettuce with Creamy Caesar Dressing, you are a man*.”

[sub]*Feel free to substitute the appropriate gender, if necessary.[/sub]

5

I didn’t like coffee either till I hit 30.

6

Hamish was the same. When he was living with his parents, he went for years having the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. For about ten years, his breakfast was an egg on toast, except on Sunday when it was black-on-the-outside, green-on-the-inside French toast. His lunch was either a cheese sandwich (once for a number of years straight) or a PBJ. Early on his dinner was Yorkshire pudding and roast beef, and later it switched to more instant stuff such as cold cuts, burgers and fries, and the like.

Right in southern BC - we’re talking within range of the freshest fruit in Western Canada, Okanagan valley goodness (the only thing, really, that could redeem Stockwell Day’s constituency) - he never ate any fresh berries at all. His acquaintance with berries began and ended with artificial strawberry jam.

Until he left his parents’ house, except for maybe trying them once during the teenage years, he never had oranges, grapefruit, pineapple, or kiwi fruit. He never had peppers, celery, lettuce, spinach, beans of any kind, sprouts, or radishes. He first tried spaghetti at age 16 or 17; besides that he never had any kind of pasta besides macaroni and cheese. He never had seafood (besides fish and chips) or Chinese food (besides fortune cookies). His first meal involving soy sauce happened at my house.

He never had soup until adulthood.

And these were very definitely not poor people. They were just severely disturbed. He’s probably eaten more various and more wholesome food during the time he’s spent very poor after running away from home than the time he spent growing up.

My parents cooked all kinds of healthy and delicious food, and a diet like he had for so many years seems absolutely revolting and Kafkaesque to me.

7

Coffee sucks to most young people anyways. I remember loving how coffee smells (it really smells good) so as a kid (12 or 13) I make up a cup. I figure more is better so there goes 2 heaping tablespoons of instant, hot water and GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I was put off from coffee and only drink it with lots of sugar (my normal daily cup contains no less than 6 packets of sugar in a large double double). I’m a tea freak though (again, only with sugar and creme).

Even though I was never into heath foods as a kid I’m lucky Japanese food is generally healthy. If I had my way with steaks every night I’d probably be 400 lbs and dead by now.

8

Therein lies the problem.

Instant coffee sucks sweaty donkey balls.

Now, as an experienced coffee drinker, I can make do with Instant when there is aboslutely nothing else available. Because, well, any coffee is better than no coffee at all.

However, it should NOT be your first experience with coffee. I shiver to even consider the false assumptions made about coffee in general when one’s first foray in coffee-hood is instant coffee.

“Hmm, I think I’ll try coffee. Ah here we go, Taster’s Choice Instant Coffee!”

mix mix mix stir stir stir
sip

“Gaaaahhh! Coffee tastes like Satan’s bowel-movment! Coffee sucks!”

sigh

It oughtta be a crime, I tell ya.

–IDB

9

You’re not missing much, just makes your breath reek most of the time.

10

You’re not missing much, just makes your breath reek most of the time.

11

Coffee. Mmm, coffee. The recovering alkie’s best friend. (I wonder why, though: is it a psychological thing, or a physical thing… Food for another thread, no pun intended.)

I started drinking coffee at the age of 11 or 12, with my parents’ blessing. I’m convinced to this day that that, plus smoking (which I started just before I turned 16), stunted my growth, and had I not started either, I would’ve grown to over six feet and become a supermodel. :dubious:

But one of the most heavenly and decadent, yet simple, of my pleasures is a cup of hot, strong coffee, well-sweetened, with plenty of 10% cream. Like liquid caramel on the palate; pure ambrosia. Couple that with a good ciggie, and I’m off on yet another day of indulging my allowable vices. :wink:

I drink about six cups a day. Better than getting loaded and passing out every night.

12

I am a coffee addict.There is nothing better than ground coffee made fresh without cream or sugar. I can drink a potfull every day. I had the same sort of food routine as you when I was at home. My mother was very Irish so we had lots of potatoes, meat and very little or no salads. No when I moved out slowly all that changed and I eat a variety of foods that would never have been prepared by my mother. I got a job at a pretty good resturant and the next thing you know I am eating all these foods that I never knew existed or would ever get at home.

13

I’m 36, I’ve only had a sip here or there, I’ve never had a full cup. In fact, the amount of sips I’ve had probably wouldn’t equal a cup. I get my caffeine from Coke.

14

You and me both, NurseCarmen, except that I’ll be 36 next month. I have yet to develop a taste for coffee, tea, or beer.

15

I fell in love with coffee around the age of 8. My folks let me have a cup when I wanted to be like Grandpa – right down to the “black, no sugar, just the coffee” routine – anticipating, I think, that I would not care for it.

I guess I was lucky that they weren’t much bothered by the fact that I rather took to it.

Many many gallons later, I still drink it the same way. (perhaps a darker roast though).

16

I’m 35. I’ve never had more than a sip of coffee. I’ve always felt like I’m somehow missing out on something… so, every now and then, I think about trying to acquire the taste.

Then I smell it.

I’ve always thought of coffee as being similar, in odor, to boiled sweatsocks. Why the heck would anyone want to acquire a taste for boiled sweatsocks?

I’ll just stick to my Diet Coke with lime, thanks.

17

whati’dreallyliketopointouthereisthatifyou’renotacoffeedrinkerandyouneverhavebeenthenyouprobablydon’tunderstandthedrawthatcoffeehasforthemajorityofthecivilizedworldsoheydon’tfeelbadbutIcancertainlyrespectyourdistasteforitandIthinkyouhittheproverbialnailrightsmackdabinthemiddleoftheproverbialheadwhenyoumentionedthebitaboutthefoodpsychosismanohmanohmandidthatringtruewithmebecauseofthisexperienceIhadoncewithayoungladyIdatedwellwentoutwithafewtimesatleastandshealwayshatedeverythingonthemenusateveryrestaurantwewentouttodinneratlikeforexampleshehatedriceandpastaandcheeseandbreadbutstillshewantedtogoouttoapizzaplaceImeanwhatwasthischickapsychoorwhatImeanthey’renotgonnakeepastraightfacewhenyouaskthemforacheeselessveganpizzamadeonsoyflourcrustbutyeahthatwasirritatingfortherestofusaroundherbecauseshecomplainedthatthereweren’tanyrestaurantsthatservedfoodlikeshelikeditandthenshegotalltickedoffwhenIsuggestedsheopenarestaurantcalledLimitedFoodOptionsForFruitcakesinfactshepunchedmerightintheeyeandwalkedoutofthepizzeriawithoutsomuchastakingonebiteofhersoyflourcrustsliceofmockitalianfoodandthat’swheniorderedatripleshotespressoandIhaven’teverlookedbackmyfriendnotevenonce.
In penance for the above, I’d like to offer this post from a local Linux mailing list, which I saved due to its… well, just read it.
http://www.markh.com/humor/lesscaffeine.txt

18

I’ve had coffee – I like the taste but can’t take the acid in it, or something. (For a long time I thought it was the caffeine, but I can – and do – drink Diet Dr Pepper all day long.) The taste is good, though – I esp. love coffee ice cream – and I occasionally (once or twice a year?) have a cup at a dinner party or something.

19

About a year and a half ago, I had to quit smoking and drinking coffee. I’ve managed to stay away from the cancer sticks for a good long time now, but I just couldn’t let go of coffee. So tasty. So good.

Of course, the first time I tried coffee, at age eleven or twelve, I put milk in. Before I took a sip, my evil older brother informed me that milk curdles instantly in coffee. It took me a long time to be able to put milk in my coffee again.

20

Coffee is the nectar of the GODS. But not drinking coffee certainly goes with your other food-deprivation history.

I came out of the same background – although I was fortunate to be exposed to a BIT of good fish as a child – but didn’t know there WAS lettuce other than iceberg, didn’t know mushrooms could be eaten fresh, didn’t know that garlic existed (my father wouldn’t let it in the house), etc., etc. And my husband came out of a meat-and-potatoes diet, although they grew their own vegetables in the summer so at least he had some of those.

Today, needless to say, our diet is greatly varied. And more importantly, I started introducing my son in particular to all kinds of different foods as a child. Today, at age 19, he’s one of the most adventurous eaters I know (although his first encounter with TRUE Jamaican jerk chicken is the stuff of legend).

Moral: Just because you started life not enjoying good stuff doesn’t mean YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE EATING THE SAME WAY!!