I’ve never written for kids before, and I don’t have kids, so I was wondering if anyone who has more experience in this field would be willing to give this a quick read and see if the story is just doomed. I envisioned it as a picture book, but I think the language may be too advanced, and at 1850 words, it’s longer than picture books are supposed to be.
I played with some illustrations even though I know publishers don’t usually use the author as the illustrator, but I like doing it. You can see them here and here.
Anyway, it was fun to write, even if nothing ever comes of it, but if anyone would like to give feedback, I’ve posted the whole thing in the quote box. I really appreciate any critique anyone would like to offer, even if it’s just to tell me not to bother.
I like it! But I think you’re right that the vocab is a bit beyond what you’d typically find in a picture book or early reader. I wonder if you could shop it as an arty or inspirational gift book?
Within children’s lit, another format you might consider is the so-called “chapter book” – it’s not a very trendy format right now, AFAIK, and is usually longer, 4000 words is about the shortest you’d aim for. You’d also need to simplify vocabulary for this audience, though.
Thanks so much, araminty. I’ve actually never considered the “gift book” market, and didn’t even really realize that was a thing.
My mom also suggested turning it into a chapter book, and I think I’ll play with that avenue as well. I appreciate you taking the time to read it and give feedback!
Actually, if it stays a kids’ book, I think you’d be better off with a picture book. The language in those can be more difficult, since it’s going to be read aloud by an adult. I always tried to choose picture books with rich and complicated language for my kids. I think it would be very difficult to “dumb” this story down to chapter book format. I’m not sure how well the plot will work for small children, although being able to recognize the “monsters” from the pictures would definitely play well.
I feel like kids’ books written many years ago (possibly 1940s and earlier) didn’t keep it “simple.” They just used big words, challenging words, and I like that for my kids. That’s something that will expand their vocabulary. I didn’t read through all of your text but I like what I saw. Doesn’t talk down to kids; stretches them a bit with the vocab.
Thanks for both of these. I never talk down to kids, I don’t really know how. I just go ahead and speak to them like they’re normal people. I know this is the kind of thing I’d like to read to my hypothetical kids, but it doesn’t follow the traditional guidelines I’m seeing for kids books.
You’re welcome; and of course anyone who writes is familiar with the blindness-to-typos we all experience from time to time. Somehow our brains just ‘blip’ right over them!
This story is very good, but as other have said, the vocabulary level doesn’t quite match the maturity level for the plot.
I could imagine very lavish illustrations to go with the lush vocabulary, and I think the inspirational picture book idea is the best.
I think there are websites that can help you figure out the reading level so you could rewrite for your intended audience. There is a lot more plot needed for this to be a chapter book for advanced readers, but again, the vocabulary makes it too hard for beginner.
Good luck! I would love to have this in my classroom someday!
I loved it, and my son would have loved it when he was at the age where I read books to him. (We enjoy learning new words in our house.) The one line I wasn’t thrilled with was “girls could be like that.” Do females get offended more easily than males?
By the way, I LOVE your illustrations, especially the first one.
I’ve read the whole thing now, and I like it. My kids are 6 & 8, and I think they would enjoy it too. Maybe I’ll print it and read it to them, and gauge their reaction. They don’t necessarily care if they don’t know all the words as long as they get the plot and think it’s occasionally funny. My 6-year-old is more likely to ask what words mean (to the point of annoyance sometimes) but if she likes the actual story, she’s less likely to stop the reader constantly for clarification.
Now my 8-year-old, who reads more on his own, would not touch this story if it wasn’t being read to him. The words would frustrate the heck out of him, but I think he’d like having it read to him.
I’ll let you know how it goes (probably won’t be until Monday).
However there’s an elitist overtone in referring to Francis’ “strange, fishy infancy” as compared to his glorious transformation into a frog. It’d be like denigrating caterpillars before they become butterflies.
Thanks for the props on the art. The “girls could be like that” line was meant to demonstrate Francis’ arrogance, but I can see how it might not read that way. I’ll change it.
I would really appreciate that!
Thank you! I’ve been working a lot more on the art front lately. If you’re interested in keeping up with what I’m doing, I’m on facebook at Rachel Dutton I just started the page, so not a ton there yet but I intend to keep up with it.
I’m not sure I agree with this one. “Fishy” as in Fish-like, which I don’t consider a lower being than a frog, but I’ll think about it. Thank you.
I’m wondering in what manner you wish to publish it, and if posting the whole thing here will moot any potential publisher’s right of first publication?
By posting here, you’ve also granted rights to the owners of the SDMB. From the registration agreement:
“Postings and other material on the SDMB are copyrighted by CLM. Republication of material appearing on the SDMB without express written permission of CLM is prohibited, except that users retain the right to republish their own work. By posting on this board you grant CLM and its successors and assigns a nonexclusive irrevocable right to reuse your posting in any manner it or they see fit without notice or compensation to you.”
Someone with experience in the publishing industry may be able to tell you how it will affect your ability to sell the story, but I wanted to point that language out.
I like your story. One thing that jumped out at me is your complex sentence structure. You may be able to lower the reading level without sacrificing vocabulary too much by simplifying your sentences a bit. Good luck!
Somehow our brains just ‘blip’ right over them!
