:eek: 
Aw, crap.
I like Kiefer, but he needs some help.
People, isn’t is obvious? The tree was a threat to national security By taking down that tree, he prevented it from…umm…dripping sap on the floor.
That shit’s hard to clean up.
The cleanup is expected to take a full day, with surprising twists every hour on the hour.
Well a least he asked first :dubious:
Tell Me Where Santa Is! Tell Me Now! There’s No Time!
And considering the source of this story is the Mirror, that bastion of journalistic integrity, I’m 100% convinced this entire event took place exactly as described. 
Tony, the tree is down! I repeat, we have the tree!
WHERE ARE THE PRESENTS?! WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!!
I dunno about the accuracy of the quotes, but does the Mirror have a history of faking up pictures like the Weekly World News?
And people say The War Against Christmas isn’t real…
At least it was more entertaining than the second season where we watched him sleeping off a drinking binge in the bathtub for the first ten episodes.
He also managed to get from his room to the lobby in under thirty seconds, and in reality, the elevator from the penthouse takes at least seven minutes.
That site now says “Access Denied”, so I still don’t know. But in general, I’d put The Mirror and Weekely World News on about the same level of reliability.
“I need a Cabbage Patch Doll and a Tickle-Me-Elmo…or MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL DIE!!!”
No, don’t you realize? The Christmas tree was really Marwan in Disguise! He had a remote control that was going to make all the christmas trees on earth catch on fire at once!
And then he’d shoot down santas sleigh to get at his bag of gifts.