Can anyone help me remember this comedy routine?

Cafe Society
1

Years ago, I saw a comedian on TV tell a joke like he was a murdering psychopath. I only remember a little bit of it.

He said what he enjoyed about Christmas was torturing trees. He talked about taking a living tree and standing it on a base where he could tighten screws into its trunk. He said the lights and tinsel and stars on top were to humiliate the tree as it slowly whithered. He said he kept the tree watered so it would suffer longer.

Doesn’t sound very humorous now, but it was funny the way he told it.

Does anyone remember who the comedian was, or remember more of the story as he told it?

Many thanks in advance.

2

I got nothing… can you provide an approximate date?

3

There was a brief sketch on, IIRC, Michael Nesmith’s show where a guy comes on and says something like:

Then he proceeds to “torture” a pot plant by holding water near it but not actually watering it. I couldn’t tell you for sure who that was, but it could have been Jack Handey:

4

Moved from GQ to Cafe Society.

samclem, Moderator

5

I’ve long heard that attributed to A. Whitney Brown, but that doesn’t mean it’s a correct attribution.

6

Definitely A. Whitney Brown. What a great, twisted routine! ISTR it went on something like this.

7

Here’s A. Whitney Brown’s routine; is this in fact what you were remembering?

8

Wow, that knocks me out! Thanks guys, you’re the best!!!