Jack, you goddam pig!!

The BBQ Pit
1

I work on the 12th floor of an office building. I’m on my way down in the elevator for lunch today. We stop on 10 and a big bunch of people get on. Suddenly we are crowded like sardines, with the usual jokes. The door closes, the elevator starts down…and Jack farts.

And farts.

And farts.

His fart lasted three floors! And stank like something had crawled up inside him and died. I know it was Jack because the young lady standing next to him hauled off and hit him while yelling “JACK YOU GODDAM PIG!” And then she hit him again.

I was hoping she would stomp him down to the floor but no luck there.

Jack, old buddy, there’s a time and a place for everything. You missed on both counts, you goddam pig.

2

S/he who smelt it dealt it.

3

People get upset over the weirdest things sometimes.

This seems like something very small to get upset over. There could be something medically wrong with him. IMHO, getting upset over someone farting is rather silly.

4

Sometimes you just can’t help it. Maybe he’s a pig and could have held it, maybe he was already mortally embarrassed before he got called on it.

5

If Jack had waited until he was outside and no one was around, it would have been okay, but doing what he did in a confined space with others just inches away is not cool.

6

Well at least he didn’t hurl

7

Only on the Dope would people come to the defense of an elevator flatulator.

8

Oh, please… :rolleyes:

Like no one has farted in an elevator before.

I guess farting in an elevator is a good excuse to be mad at someone…

What next? Are we going to be mad if someone looks at us the wrong way?

9

Or forgotten to lock the screen door on a submarine…

10

Are you lookin’ at me?

11

Your building obviously needs this diagram for people who suck at everyday life. Sheesh.

12

What kind of weirdo would do such a thing?! Everybody knows that you’re supposed to wait until you’re getting out of the elevator so you can crop-dust the people who are staying in it! :stuck_out_tongue:

13

Wasn’t that an Aerosmith song?

14

Everyone knows you’re supposed to spend that time masturbating like a motherfuck.

15

Unless you were raised by wolves, your parents taught you a few simple rules:

  1. Say “please” and “thank you.”
  2. Chew with your mouth closed.
  3. Don’t fart in the elevator.

These things are called “manners” and they are the lubrication on the rusty gearbox of society.

16

No, really? I never knew that… :smack:

If you get upset when someone does not have proper manners, you will end up being upset all the time.

Oops, I forgot to say thank you.

17

IMHO, it’s not worth being upset about it.

18

Did someone pull his finger?

19

I am Jack’s raging bile duct.

20

You don’t get out much do you? Try walking in downtown Philly and look at some young guy the wrong way. Especially if he’s with his “crew” and he needs to look tough.

He’ll be more than mad. And you’ll be wishing you weren’t so arrogant.

Sometimes not farting in the elevator, and not looking at people the wrong way, is the better course of action.