Since this thread is winding down (one hopes), I have a question that I wanted to ask in the original thread but didn’t think was appropriate.
People seemed very angry about this infidelity. And I wondered what causes the level of anger about it. Two things were mentioned in the other thread:
Lying and emotional betrayal
Financial manipulation
So I was wondering if we changed the facts of the situation some if people would feel the same ire. So I’m considering two different hypotheticals to do that.
Hypothetical A (basically the flip side of the original thread)
In this hypothetical, the husband is having the affair. He’s the major bread-winner and the wife is a SAHM. There are two kids under the age of 10. Husband comes here saying that he’s having an affair and his wife is too stupid to figure it out, but if she does, he’ll deal with it. After all, he has the money to take off. He realizes he may have to pay alimony and child support but is unconcerned. As for the emotional toll on the children, he figures he’ll see them on the weekends which is pretty much all he has time for anyway.
In this scenario, the lying and emotional betrayal is present but the money issue is not.
Hypothetical B (the original thread with money concerns removed)
In this hypothetical, the wife is having the affair. But the wife is a high-powered doctor/lawyer/rich person. She meets someone and has hot monkey sex. She comes here to tell people that she’s about to tell her husband that night that he can hit the road. She also has two kids under the age of 10, but she notes that the nanny already takes care of them and nothing will change about that. Their dad will see them as much as he ever does since he also has a pretty busy job.
In this scenario, there’s no lying or emotional betrayal since she told right away and the money issue is also not present.
Would either of these situations bother you as much as the original thread? Why or why not?
The emotional betrayal is the important factor to me. The financial angle was simply a “and it’s really quite low all by itself to intentionally hurt some one who’s paying your upkeep”.
I would suggest you post that as a new thread, Heffalump (maybe in IMHO where it might not get too heated), because if there is a god, this thread will be locked soon, but that’s an interesting question to discuss.
As a member in good standing of the SDMB People’s Liberation Front (Trotskyist), you are entitled to whatsoever of mine you find useful, entertaining, or weapons-grade. Freak freely, and venceremos!
I know someone’s going to come along and slap me with a trout (or worse), but is it terribly naive of me to not have really believed that overall people could be assholes (directed at the world at large, not the folks here – my marbles are no longer for circular use in the can ) while being complete pusses to their faces? Really? I mean, I understand vaguely (I think) about those that troll, but this seems different somehow. Anyone got a little insight to spare for me to eradicate my ignorance?
People in marriages commit emotional betrayal all the time. They start out with the vow that they’ll support each other and then end up tearing each other down at every turn. Or they tell each other they’ll be there for the other person but get constantly caught up in work, school, friends. Do you equally frown on these types of betrayal as well?
In terms of the financial, you seem to have a low opinion of the value of SAHMs if you feel that their spouse is “paying their upkeep.” One of the difficulties I had in the other thread was some of the talk about marriage negotiation. It’s been my experience that in any negotiation, the person with the leverage is the person with the power and the person with the power is generally the person who controls the money. So in that sense, marriage negotiations are rarely fair for those do things in the marriage without monetary compensation.
You’re kidding, right? 7 threads on the same subject. I don’t think so.
And since I’m a non-believer, there’s no reason for me to believe that this thread will be closed.
And besides, why would the thread be closed if there is discussion related to the OP still going on. I’ll even tie my post back into the OP. Add the next part to my post with the hypothetical.
For those people that were so mad that they felt the need to express their ire over the situation to the point where some people consider the behavior to be jackalish, what created the ire? How would it be different in these situations?
I’d like to help, but I don’t understand the question. Could you explain a little further?
But before you do, let me add that I don’t find it particularly courageous for anyone, whether in real life or on a message board to rail at another person. It takes real courage to tell someone something with grace and love and try to continue the relationship. That takes GREAT courage and I don’t see it often. But when I do, I’m usually impressed.
No, that’s wonderful behavior and I hope desperately that it’s what I engage in. Plus it’s what I always attempt to encourage. However, I was more meaning that, say, someone is really vicious (and this isn’t aimed at the pit, I’m just saying generally speaking) to another person online, yet if they met in person for whatever reason, they’d be this raging (if that’s possible) coward. Like coddle up to them and lay thick on the compliments. Pretend they wanna hang out together. Or talk about what high esteem they hold their character in. Baffling actions like those. Because for me, that just doesn’t compute. I’m the same here as everywhere.
I hope all that makes sense. If not, I can try to elaborate further in my usually befuddled way.
OK, let me try this. People are here with many different purposes. So sometimes it seems like someone is being harsh when that’s not how they really are.
For instance, when I feel like I’m in a debate with someone, I often don’t regard their feelings because I’m focusing on their arguments, so I might come across as rather uncaring. I’m not taking into account their person, only their written words. But if I saw the person on the street in real life, I’d be taking them into account as a whole person.
In the Pit, there’s an additional component. Some people here look upon insulting people as sport. And they use the medium as simply that. . .like watching TV. So if they saw the person in real life, it would be a whole different experience for them, like seeing someone on a reality show in real life. For them, they’re disconnected.
So some of the difference may be disingenuous behavior and part of it can be just the difference in the medium. But sometimes a large part is the difference in purpose for the people coming together.
Does that get to your question? Or were you looking for something else?
Well, hey. . .imagine that. We agree on something.
You are most welcome. I’ve had quite a busy day and haven’t been able respond until now, and, while I’m sure this will set the “neener-neener” drums pounding furiously, I have to say, as a ‘compassionate conservative’ and all around softie, that anything that does your lil’ heart good does mine as well (sans politics, of course).
There has been some good come of this thread, from my perspective at least, and I’m glad it happened. I may not have scraped off any bozos but I have gained valuable knowledge and insight into the intelligence and character of a poster I have come to admire quite a lot.
I imagine my behavior here regarding Red Fury has likely put you off somewhat, and that is to my chagrin. I began to sense that this might be so even as I was composing those posts, but I was taught at an early age to stand up to aggression and/or bullying and to give as good as I got and then some so as to make the miscreant think twice before he tried it again. You clearly have the ability to turn the other cheek, and while I’m the sort who is inclined to think that that only results in getting the other cheek slapped as well, I still, on some level, admire those who can do it. Still, I rarely get ugly with anyone unless they get ugly with me first, and it’s important to me that you know my actions weren’t born of sheer mean-spiritedness, which I know is how it can appear on the surface.
Now, since you and I are both desirous of getting out of here, let me say that no response to this post is necessary. I just wanted to acknowledge your latest post to me and to offer a little exposition before I baled finalement.
(No…really, guys. I mean it this time…honest. So long…see ya…'bye. I’m outta here. Ta-ta. Laters. Ciao.)
Thank you H & R, but even though I’m still having a bit of disconnect with what I’ve heard a time or two and just didn’t believe, I agree with featherlou that it’s time to give up the ghost.
I appreciate your in-depth response. Again, gracias.
Un caballero, como siempre. Gracias,'luc. Both for the magnanimous offer and the shot of optimism. Believe you me that latter was sorely needed; just when you think the world can’t get any sicker…boom! 32 kids get butchered for reasons that could never make a lick of sense to me, and many more are in a real battle for their own lives. Guess it’s human nature that it hurts a little more when you see it happen in your own backyard – and yes, I still happen to think of the US as my ‘home away from home’ and that’s not only because my kid’s a born and bred American but because having lived there for over fifteen years my own self, it’s almost inevitable.
Thanks again, and needless to say I reciprocate – as unlikely it is that you might have much use for them – with my own meager offerings.
SA, please. You have been going on and on in this thread about how mean other people are, how cruel and abusive the words they’ve flung at others, yet in doing so you yourself have been viciously vituperative, repeatedly. You excuse it because they’re people you find offensive for a number of reasons and you believe striking back at people you perceive as having offended you is copacetic.
It isn’t. Not if you want to complain about some people being nasty to other people. You thereby make yourself out to be an immense hypocrite.
I don’t give a rat’s ass how completely justified you think your attacks in this thread have been. It doesn’t change the fact that you have been engaging in precisely the behavior you condemn others for.
If you want to claim the moral high ground it would help not to undermine yourself so blatantly.
) while being complete pusses to their faces? Really? I mean, I understand vaguely (I think) about those that troll, but this seems different somehow. Anyone got a little insight to spare for me to eradicate my ignorance?
