For one of my coworkers in Miami, make that four languages. That day when he lost his patience at our monolingual advisor’s mockery, the rest of us applauded so loudly that people from other labs (also english as at-least-second language) came over to ask what the fuss was about and joined in the clapping.
There was only one graduate student in that program who was monolingual, even the americans were from Calle Ocho.
Just the other day, a coworker asked when Cinco de Mayo was. (OK, not everyone speaks spanish, but come on. This is south Florida.)
My partner overheard a woman and her friend talking about the woman’s airhead daughter. The daughter, standing about 30 feet away bellows,
“I know you guys are talking about me, I have ESPN!”
I always knew there was something odd about that station.
Occasionally, poker players will have identical hands. Say a straight to the seven. Ask me how many times I’ve had people try to argue that they have an ace kicker. My usual response is “Best five cards, Sir. Split Pot.” If they persist, I tell them if they can figure out how to get a kicker with five cards and still have a straight, I’ll give 'em the pot.
We lost the single best dealer we have ever had. She was fast, accurate, reliable, nice, etc. Textbook perfect employee. Know why we lost her? The company I work for doesn’t see the need to compete for players or employees. Kinda sucks for them because in about 2 months, instead of having one room to compete with, they will have four. Yay Us!
Well, that, and most leg press machines are angled, so you’re not pressing them straight up. Also, since the weights are supported by the tracks, you don’t have to use your abs to keep from tipping over.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve had a conversation where someone asks where I go to school. I generally respond with something along the lines of “A really tiny college out in New Mexico.”
“Oh, in Mexico? Wow, you must speak Spanish really well!”
I don’t know why, but some people have some mental block where they refuse to hear the “New”. I’ve also had someone actually argue that no, there’s no state named New Mexico.
Actually, it was called Up Front.
I really don’t think the Major was all that stupid; I put it down to his background/experience and a severe case of sleep deprivation. I also think he knew he’d put his foot in it even as the words came out of his mouth.
But the looks he received from everyone within earshot, from the lowest private up to the Battalion Commander, were priceless.
And FWIW, we did an “Army Olympics” in '90, and one of the events contemplated was “The Tank Pull.” Contemplated, I say. It was decided to skip that event on advice from the Battalion PA. They then went with “The Bradley Pull.” Again, declined.
In the end, IIRC, they wound up with “The Deuce-and-a-Half Pull.”
A girl I met while going to the U of Arizona was a typical 2004 sorority girl–with the shirt cut off above the shoulders and tied at the belly button and all that bullshit–and she had just changed her major from Business to Fashion because she didn’t want to learn a second language.
Me: :dubious: Don’t you have to speak French or Italian or both if you work in fashion?
Her (bubbling): Oh yeah! I’m applying for an internship in Paris.
Gaaaaaaah…
PVT Murphy’s Law comes close to being a military version of Dilbert.
:dubious:
IDIOT: Point Fermen? I don’t know! Where is that?
Translation:
I don’t think I’ve ever heard of it before? Do you know where it’s supposed to be? Maybe I can help?
I was telling my buddy that I wanted to get a bamboo steamer. But, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to find the rice paper to use with it.
My buddy said I’d probably have a harder time finding the bamboo. Then he asked what steamed bamboo tasted like. :smack:
My husband and I were in the grocery store. I was thinking about getting some premade meatballs for swedish meatballs, because I hate making them by hand. But, they were high, and only about 15 per bag. My husband loves swedish meatballs and was trying to convince me that $9.00 wasn’t too much, (I would need 3 bags at $3). I told him that I would still need all the sauce ingredients. As we continued with the grocery shopping, we came to the pasta aisle. They were having a sale on pasta sauces, including Alfredo sauce. My husband pounced on a big jar of Alfredo sauce and declared that it would be plenty for the bagged meatballs, and all we would need is the noodles. PLUS, it would be alot quicker than making swedish meatballs from scratch. 
“Wait a miniute!” I said. “I’ve been feeding you swedish meatballs and chicken alfredo for 20 years, and you thought it was the same sauce?!?!” He said he loves them both and hadn’t stopped to think about how different they are. Maybe it’s a guy thing, or maybe I need better recipes.
Bamboo is rather bland but in a medley of oriental vegetables, it is almost indepensible. 
Well, I figured out the difference between alfredo, marinara and the other pasta sauces by the time I was 12, but I think in a way it is a “guy thing”: he’s aware of the names of the dishes, but he’s never thought of “chicken alfredo” as “chicken covered in alfredo sauce” because he isn’t the one cooking it. So when he sees cheap alfredo sauce, he thinks, “Aha! This is that stuff I had to pick up last time I did the grocery shopping!”
If he doesn’t know much about cooking in general or sauces in particular, why would he think “alfredo” means a particular kind of white sauce instead of, say, “noodles”?
Swedish meatballs are also made with a “white” sauce as well, but it’s definitely more of a gravy than a pasta sauce. If he were confusing alfredo for marinara, he’d be even dumber than Batsinma Belfry had previously implied.
If that was so stupid, why’d you have to include a link so we’d all know what you were talking about?
[further hijack]I worked at a law firm a few years ago that had its own cafeteria. Occasionally, they offered the following: a melee of vegetables.
It was a rather large firm so, since they listed that periodically for the year or so I was there, I’m assuming they had the most apathetic set of attorneys/proofreaders going or had decided to keep it as a running joke.[/further hijack]
Carry on.
A guy I know told me that at the gym he goes to, one of the trainers told him that the more *leg exercises * he did, the more testosterone he would develop.
I didn’t “have” to, but I thought it would be helpful for the noncooks. Please forgive me, next time I’ll post a disclaimer that the link is for reference only and not to imply stupity of the reader. 
Is your buddy a noncook? 
I can top that: I once parked at a public library in Fort Pierce, Florida. One of the spaces had a sign reading, “LIBRARY PERSONAL ONLY.”