Set his DVR to record the Simpsons but the late football game on Fox ran long, only recorded 10 minutes of it.
His best friend keeps interrupting his award acceptance speeches.
That’s 33 so far…
British people keep calling him Jay-Zed.
He has a problem with math.
Screen door won’t stay on the track.
Dog’s anal glands need expressing.
Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.
- Was sure that there was a Hardee’s at this intersection, turns out it’s an Arby’s.
-Phone died, can’t find charger.
-President keeps calling asking him to “hang out”.
-Just found out the city doesn’t actually belong to him.
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Despite multiple campaigns, has been unable to win President of the local Kiwanis club.
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Keeps believing it’s butter.
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Too. Many. Shrimp.
Beyonce keeps fuckin’ with the thermostat every time he’s not lookin’.
Dirty-ass stray cat keeps walking across the hood of his Maybach Excelero every time he parks it outside.
I lolled.
He just got back into Aqua Teen Hunger Force and the series ended.
He’s THIS close to answering P versus NP, but that one motherfucka of a derivative keeps getting in the motherfucking way.
Nobody told him the Lost finale sucks, and he wasted a month binge-watching the series.
Ate an entire birthday cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside.
Blowing in the NES cartridge isn’t working anymore.
Hundred dollar bills aren’t accepted at Little Caesar’s.
Realized way too late that he’s not cut out for the UFC.
UV light reveals all the boogers smeared on his bathroom wall next to the toilet.
Outsmarted by a tenth grader in a “your momma” joke contest.
Accidentally bought king size sheets for a California king bed.
Mispronounced a word he had only ever seen written down.
- It’s been three weeks since he sent the information and Mugame Obato from the Nigerian Petroleum Export Bank hasn’t gotten back to him about that $4.1 million he’s owed.
He dipped a biscuit in his tea, it crumbled, and all the small spoons are dirty.
Phone charger cable only just barely long enough to reach the bedstand; keeps phone perched precariously on the edge all night.
Ran out of chips before he ran out of dip.
Never got around to having that second cup of coffee and now it’s too late in the afternoon to drink coffee.
- Downside of his enormous mainstream success is that Nas will always be the cooler one now.
65-ish down.
-Drunken Bieber keeps calling asking “If the Doctor’s in the house, Yo!” and hanging up despite call block.
-After numerous flight delays, arrives at hotel after 2am; can’t find a single restaurant open within a 5 mile radius.
Shoes too tight.
Went to use the convenience, and it was freezing cold.