Jay-Z's got 99 problems, and they're itemized right here

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

The tulips he worked on all spring were eaten by deer.

42

Loves the bean burritos at Del Taco, but they do not love him.

43

  • Serial killer distant cousin preventing his passing an FBI background check to be a junior agent

  • Member of a doomsday cult whose apocalypse already came and passed without incident, now he has a basement full of preserved olives; he hates olives

  • Once saw a roach in his food at a restaurant, but didn’t say anything because his mom’s friend owned the restaurant. Never been back since, but keeps getting invited back and has to come up with new excuses each time why he can’t go

44

If Jay-Z decides to reboot Seinfeld with himself in the lead role, this will be the plot of the pilot episode.

45

After taking up vegetable gardening in his backyard as a hobby to help him relax he both learns about the importance of protecting his crop from some of the local bird life and the importance of turning the soil. Garden life is just finches and hoes.

46

-Basement smells like cat pee, can’t figure out the source.

47

Yes, he’s cleared his cache and rebooted. That’s *not *the problem.

48

Bought his significant other a new iPhone 6s, when she clearly said she wanted an iPhone 6s PLUS

49

-Thought Jerry Lewis and Jerry Lee Lewis were the same damn person

50
  • Wants to pop the Cristal, but Blue is having temper tantrums in the crib.
51

Not enough time in the day (for more than one nap).

52

-flexible plastic straw cracked at the bend crease when he pulled the paper off

53

Still can’t figure out Haskell monads.

54

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that was Wonder Mike’s problem?

55

I thought that Wonder Mike’s problem was that the macaroni was soggy, the peas were mushed, and the chicken tasted like wood?

56

-lit his last cigarette backwards

-mistakenly ordered blue waffle at waffle house

57

No, he called his friend two weeks later to see how he has been, he said “I understand about the food, well, whabubba wha we’re still friends.”

Crisis averted!

58

-inherits 50 more problems

-stomach growls loudly during test

59
  • With a full time job it is hard to find time to study for the LSAT’s
60
  • Was planning on watching Citizen Kane this weekend. Then somebody in his entourage spoiled the ending.