Keeps forgetting which way the accent mark on the last letter of his wife’s name should slant.
Paul Simon won’t return his calls about the other 45 ways to leave his lover.
-Bathed his dog in the master bath; the dog pooped in the tub.
He had no luck trying to meet the singer he kept hearing about called “Fiancée.” And the one he kept reading about called “Beyounce.”
-Forgot set the DVR; missed season premier of Downton Abbey.
Ran out of 100 dollar bills to light his cigar with, and then couldn’t find an ATM.
Forgot which of his mansions he was currently living in when heading home from the pub.
Looked silly when he accidentally put on his sunglasses over the pair of sunglasses that he was already wearing.
The recent Jeremy Clarkson scandal ruined his dream of appearing on Top Gear.
Windows keeps telling him it needs updating, but he usually gets burned when updating so not sure what to do…[clicks “later”] but it will haunt him.
Also, ghost dad in the bathroom. haunts him.
Superglued his fingers together while attempting to repair his broken priceless Ming vase.
Accidentally tweeted his collection of naughty ancient Sumerian love poetry.
Leaned forwards, got bling stuck in toaster.
(A few more, just because…)
His favorite word is “antepenultimate”, but he can never find a sentence to use it in.
No one believes his theories about who *really *framed Roger Rabbit.
Tries to get into soccer, but can never remember how the offside rule works.
Only met with scorn and widespread rejection in his attempt to make “quicker than boiled asparagus” his new catchphrase.
He can’t decide what to get with his small fries on the McDonald’s break menu: Double Cheeseburger, Filet-O-Fish, McChicken, or six piece Chicken McNuggets.
He can never get the words to the Big Mac jingle in the right order.
Worried that his Ashley Madison account will be discovered.
Does that count as just one problem? There could be several 'roids.
- Forgot his anniversary and had to look it up on Wikipedia, but someone had just edited it with a fake date so he buys Beyonce a Ferrari on the anniversary of her grandmother’s death, who died after being struck by a Ferrari
Dropped his ice cream cone.
on the floor of the Ferrari!
-Favorite pair of underpants are starting to tear under the elastic.
-Can’t decide if he wants a Chipotle barbacoa burrito bowl with extra guac for lunch, or a steak and white cheddar panini and a cup of French onion soup from Panera.
-Can’t figure out if he’s supposed to root for the Hulk or not.
The vending machine ate his change, didn’t give him his candy bar.
Stuck in traffic, really has to pee.
Too many snakes on his private jet.
Secretly hates rap music, but can’t get Eddie to call him back about fronting Van Halen
New York Giants fan. 
Wants to be known as “Jay Z”, without the hyphen, but no one cares (true fact, I looked it up).
Can never sit through “Titanic” without crying.
Hates the latest iTunes update, but can’t find a way to roll it back.
Got the latest tech in garage door openers, and now, whenever he wants to take out his Bentley, the garage tells him: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, Jay.”
A fly landed in his Chardonnay.
Tries to do vanity searches on the SDMB, but gets the message that the following search terms are too short: “Jay” and “Z”.
Biden won’t stop calling to ask “when they’re gonna go out for that beer they talked about, pardner;” apparently, you can’t phone-block the Veep or something.