There’s so many great ones full of wit/truth and it would be nice for all of us to have a laugh.
I know many of these jazz jokes are often repeated, changed around, mis-attributed at times, but try the best you can. Even if they’re second-hand - the story behind them is also interesting, and informative as well as funny.
The last time I saw Mort Sahl, he told a joke that always stuck with me. He would go on the road with Stan Kenton and Dave Brubeck, and he is a comedian, so it could have been linked in with that group for convenience, but I’ll just repeat what I heard…
Stan Kenton tells his band he got a tip that the narcotics officers were around, so be safe in regards to your “stuff”. When the band gets to the venue, a guy (no one knows) comes in with a sax and asks if he can sit in with the band… They say sure, but he’s AWFUL… so Stan Kenton tells him:
After the comedian Mort Sahl heard the piece, he told his audiences how he went to see the Kenton band at a nightclub. “A waiter accidentally dropped a tray and three couples got up to dance,” he quipped.
Some time ago, the tenor saxophonist Frank Foster was playing a street concert from the Jazzmobile in Harlem. He called for a blues in B-flat.
A young tenor player began to play “out” from the first chorus, playing sounds that had no relationship to the harmonic progression or rhythmic setting.
I like the story Jack Tracy relates in the liner notes to the Jazz Messengers’ “Roots & Herbs”: Once, when the Messengers were in their station wagon on one of those seemingly interminable trips between dates, they came to the outskirts of a small town and, seeing a goodly crowd gathered, got out to stretch their legs and see what was happening. It was a funeral. The moved up closer. Intoned the minister, “Does anyone have anything to say before we inter these mortal remains?” Silence. Again the question was asked. Again, silence. At which point they say Art stepped forward and said huskily, “If there is nothing anyone wants to say about the deceased, I hope no one here minds if I say a few words about jazz.”
Singer calls “Autumn Leaves” or whatever, and the pianist turns to the bassist and drummer and says:
“OK, we’re going to start in G minor, but after 3 bars modulate into C#. Stay there for two more bars, then play it in Eb. At bar 6, start playing in 3/4, then 5/4 in bar 7. Alternate like that till Bar 16 which is just rubato. Then…”
Singer: “Wait, what? I can’t follow all that!!!”
Pianist: “But that’s the way you did it last time.”
There’s the ol’ Buddy Rich one. I’m going to save myself the trouble and cut-and-paste the joke from another site:
A former Buddy Rich Band member calls up to Buddy’s house one day asking to talk to Buddy,
“I’m sorry,” said the person answering the phone. “But Buddy has died.”
“ok.” replies the bandmember. So he hangs up.
A few days later the same bandmember calls up Buddy’s house again asking to talk to Buddy.
“I’m sorry,” said the person answering the phone. “But Buddy has died.”
"ok. replied the bandmember and hangs up again.
A few days later he calls Buddy’s house again asking to speak to Buddy.
The person answering the phone recognizes him, " I’ve told you already that Buddy has died. There is no way he can talk to you."
" I know." said the bandmember, “I just enjoy hearing you say he’s dead.”
A precision mechanic and electrician is doing 20 years in Folsom for murdering his wife. He has only two more years to go when an ant comes into his cell and climbs up his tin bowl while he is eating. It explores the bowl with its feelers, and he thinks: “It looks as if it is drumming”. The ant appears every day, and he decides to build an ant-sized drum kit for it in the prison workshop. It is adjusted to ant anatomy not only in size but also in shape and has several levels. The top level is cymbals only, the second level is made of toms, the third level consists of snare, a side drum, a few more toms and the cymbals of the hi-hat, the lowest level has bass drum and the hi-hat pedal. He also builds tiny microphones and speakers, a tiny amplyfier and a tiny stool for the ant to sit on.
When he has finished building the equipment for the ant he puts it on the table in his cell. When the ant appears it moves around the kit, finally sits down on the stool and starts drumming with its six legs and two feelers. It plays way better than any drummer that ever lived and can very well be heard.
When the man is finally released he puts the drum kit, the equipment and the ant into a box, goes to a fancy restaurant, orders an exquisite meal and a good bottle of wine and puts the drum equipment with the ant on the table, where it starts drumming immediately.
When the waiter returns with the meal and the bottle of wine the ex-prisoner points at the drumming ant and says: “Waiter, have you ever seen anything like this”?
“No” replies the waiter, “I am terribly sorry, it won’t happen again” and crushes the ant with his thumb.
I found a version of this joke online, but I originally heard someone tell it on a talk show years ago (no idea who):
A conductor who is preparing for a performance is having trouble finding a good clarinet player. He calls a contractor who tells him, “The only guy I’ve got available is a jazz clarinetist.”
“I can’t stand working with jazz musicians!” says the conductor. “They dress shabbily, they’re always late, and every one of them has an attitude problem.” “He’s all I’ve got,” says the contractor. “OK,” says the conductor, “I’m getting desperate, so I’ll take him.”
The conductor arrives early for the first rehearsal and sees the jazz clarinetist wearing a suit and tie, a pencil rests on his stand, and he’s practicing his part. During the rehearsal, he plays the part sensitively and writes down all of the conductor’s suggestions. At the second rehearsal, the clarinetist plays even better. At the final dress rehearsal, the clarinetist plays his part flawlessly.
During the rehearsal break, the conductor tells the orchestra, “I’ve got an apology to make. I was really dreading having to work with a jazz musician, but I must say that our clarinetist has proven me wrong. He’s always neatly dressed, comes early to rehearsal, and he really listened to me and learned his part very well.”
Turning to the clarinet player the maestro says, “I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate your effort and dedication.”
The clarinetist replies, “Hey man, it’s the least I can do since I can’t make the gig.”