He just turned 12 years old. For the last year or so, he’s been going through a ton of clothes. He changes his pajamas and underwear a number of times in one night. I’ve been washing somewhere between 4 and 7 pairs every single day.
I asked him why he is getting up and changing his pants all night long. He first told me it was because he is not “shaking” properly after he uses the bathroom. I told him to slow down and do it right.
It continued happening. I asked again and he said he didn’t know.
It’s kinda pissing me off. I do a ridiculous amount of laundry every day and last week my dryer broke down. I can’t get another one any time soon, due to some financial problems we’re having. My son offered to do his own laundry, but because of the dryer and the amount of time it would take to dry the clothes, it’s not reasonable right now for him to do it.
I worry that it’s a form of OCD, that runs in my family. Both my mother and my sister have OCD.
What do you think we’re dealing with here ? OCD, jerking off, wet dreams, lazy toilet habits or something else ?
That would be an awful lot of j/o for that age, so I’d rule that out. Maybe he’s having a sudden problem with bed wetting and is too embarrassed to mention it to you? Does he spend the night with friends? If no, maybe that’s why. Just a thought.
dragongirl, he’s probably beating it like a old rug and too embarrassed to tell you (but jeez, if I had been busted by my mom at that age I’d have been a hell of a lot more careful about where I spit).
Yep, that’s not above average for a boy hitting adolescence…I second the subtle leaving-kleenex-in-room. And another point, it’s quite possible he’s having wet dreams.
May be masturbation, may be bedwetting, but it may be leukorrhea as well, so you need to find out. If he’s being honest and thinks he “not shaking enough” when he urinates, it may be because he’s having some sort of urethral discharge - which is not a good thing. There could be some sort of infection or even (and I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to say it) some STD.
Although it would be extrememly rare (and therefore pretty concerning) he could even have an enlarged prostate, which can lead to urine dribble.
He could also be experiencing nocturnal emissions, and not even know why he needs to change his underpants - he just wakes up and they’re wet and cold.
Can you see or smell anything in his underpants?
I’d take the medical stance, to help minimize embarrassment: “Son, I’m concerned that there could be a medical problem like an infection or something causing your penis to leak fluid. On the other hand, you may have discovered the joy of masturbation. Everyone masturbates, it’s OK, but I need to know if that’s the reason you’re changing your underpants so often, or if I need to make an appointment with Dr. Smith. Do I need to make an appointment?” By asking him if you need to make an appointment, he gets to answer that question instead of the masturbation one directly. If he mumbles, “No, don’t make an appointment.” then by all means quietly place a box of Kleenex in his room next time he’s out. You have the information you need, he has the information he needs (masturbation is OK and normal) and no one will die of embarrassment.
Just so you feel better, WhyKid will be 12 in January, and we’re going through the same thing. Only we’re sure it’s masturbation. The boy who had to be forced into the bath once a week now likes to take really long showers everyday. And I keep finding my hand lotion under his bed (EEEEEEWWWW!). I’m just not, not, not ready for this.
Times change. At that age my EEM* consisted of impure thoughts of Betty Ruble, Judy Jetson and Emma Peal or maybe the underwear section of the Sears catalog. Nowadays most kids have an internet connection in their room (fresh, piped in pr0n!) Also, kids seem to mature physically a bit younger, plus every individual matures at a different age.
You sound like a pretty cool parent (mom?), so maybe in addition to the tissue you can get him his own hand lotion or lubricant. Unscented might be nice. And maybe a subscription to something softcore like Maxxim for his birthday. Okay, that’s probably pushing it, but I’ve never actually seen the inside of that magazine, so I don’t really know about it’s appropriateness.
Four to seven times a night? Consistently? Even at the height of puberty, I don’t think I ever managed that and now, at 22, I think it would fall off if I did that for more than a week or two.
I would think that the most cursory of inspections would tell you what, if anything, is going on. If you really need me to, I can go into great detail about the difference between ejaculate and urine, but I’d rather not. Just inspect.
Whoa whoa whoa, are you kidding? That conversation would freak a kid out so much that he’d never touch his penis again. Your intentions are good, and I like the idea, but oh man, I’d change that around a bit so as to not sound so… well, awkward for him. No 12 year old boy wants to mumble “no, mom, don’t make an appointment with the doctor [, because I’m just beating it like it’s going out of style].” I don’t blame you, though; you’ve never been a 12 year old boy.
What I would do is press the issue-- something more like “why do you keep doing this?” Don’t take “I don’t know.” If he’s like most of the 12 year old boys I grew up with, he’ll quickly change his habits and stop jerking off all over himself. Perhaps it would help if you left some Kleenex near his bed. Or a bucket, depending.
I had a buddy growing up (about 14) who used to whack it in the shower each morning before school. His parents would go to work after he’d left for school, and one day he’d mentioned that his older brother (16 at the time) had come up to him in his room one day and told him “mom told me to tell you to either stop whackin’ it in the shower or buy a rubber mat with good traction.” YMMV.
