I’m not taking the teens side but some people are reacting like they went up to the disabled patrons and made fun of them or something. The OP says that AFTER the disabled people left the teens were overheard saying it was “gross” and so forth. Granted it’s not a great attitude to have but it seems like they were at least polite enough to wait until the others had left. No, it doesn’t make what they said OK but maybe they’ve never been around disabled people before and it made them uncomfortable. One hopes it’s something they’ll learn to deal with as they mature.
My best friend’s father is in a wheelchair so I’m used to it but I still see people stare at us when we go out in public. “That poor man” and so on. One time at the mall he took his hat off and put it in his lap. A lady was walking by and dropped a dollar into the hat!
I agree with the sentiment and I don’t wanna get all PC or anything but this just jumped out at me when I read it. Isn’t calling someone a fucktard the same as calling them a fucking retard?
Kinda like saying “Hey! Don’t make fun of the handicapped you fucking retard!”
It’s a figure of speech. It’s one thing to call a bunch of people a generic name, and then it’s another to point and laugh at another person for looking different. Don’t start getting picky with my wording. Like I said, I had the thoughts, so excuse me if they didn’t come out right.
You honestly think that laughing at people’s occasional mistakes is the same as laughing at people who can’t help having a disability? You think there’s anything funny about a disability in the first place?
My dad stepped on a landmine in Vietnam. As a result, he has had neurological damage as long as I’ve been alive, which means he walks with a strong limp unless he’s wearing a leg brace, and often has severe neurological pain. Additionally, he has been an activist for the disability community for as long as I can remember. He’s the guy who will remind a store owner that the flight of steps leading to their front door is illegal, and he’s the guy who reports them. He’s had these bright international orange bumper stickers in his car since I can remember. They have a rat on them, and the message reads “You’ve wrestled with the disability rat. Maybe next time you’ll think twice about parking in a space that wasn’t meant for you.” He proudly puts these bumper stickers on the middle of the windshield of any car that is in a handicapped spot without either handicapped plates or a temporary window hanger. As a 5 year old, it was my joy to stick the bumper stickers RIGHT in the driver’s field of vision.
When I was a little kid, I’d yell at the other little kids for using the word “retard.” I’d ask them if they knew what it meant, and if they really meant to make fun of someone who is just a little slower than they are. I’ve been swearing around my parents like a sailor since I was a wee Swiddle, as they believe that words are just that: words. But one word was always off limits: Cripple. It conjured such a look of hurt in my Dad’s eyes that I never used it.
So maybe I’m a little touchy. But I can honestly say that my parents instilled a respect of all humanity in all its forms, which includes people who are different skin colors, religions, social classes, and physical abilities. Maybe I’m a liar. Maybe I’m a saint. But when I see someone who has a limp walking down the street, I don’t see an opportunity to make fun of someone to better my own poor, battered ego, I see someone who is like my father. Not a better human being, but probably not a worse human being, either. And no, Stevie doesn’t make me uncomfortable, because he’s a non-offensive character with a physicial disablity on a prime time show. He’s a smart, likeable guy who happens to be in a chair and has some speech problems.
I would have said something to those kids, but that’s because I really don’t give a shit about ignorant assholes. Maybe that’s my form of bigotry: the existance of the stupid, cruel and heartless piss me off. I really don’t know why I have to look at them. So maybe that makes me no better than them. Or maybe I’m judgeing them based on their actions, and not just their bodies.
And for the record, I don’t think teenagers are any more or less apt to think the things that were mentioned in the OP. They’re just more apt to say them aloud. Doesn’t make them any worse than the people who think them.
I don’t think it’s all that surprising. People make fun of things they don’t understand or are afraid of. Of course, that doesn’t make them exempt from a comment on how they behave. Only way to fix it is through education. Not everyone thinks things out real thoroughly and might change their behavior if it was pointed out to them.
Baker, are you positive that these kids were talking about the handicapped? I mean, I would think they were too, but if you aren’t sure I don’t think it’s real fair to assume.
Ummm, sometimes people forget to put those hangers up. If they have a disability it is possible that they don’t think to put it up and those things do fall off. Unless you actually see the person hop out, skip off, and are sure that they’re not handicapped, I don’t think you should be doing that. It could be a real pain in the ass for a forgetfull handicapped person.
Dignan, I am sure of what the teens were speaking of. The dialogue I gave was the Readers’s Digest Condensed Version of their comments, not a verbatim.
Oh, jesus christ, Rilchiam. Did you even read Blessedwolf’s post? Or are you just having knee trouble? He talked about people “[making] fun of someone due to something they can’t help.” Hello?
In 6th grade, Chris Stone accidentally dumped a tray of dirty dishes on the kitchen floor. I felt awful for him–but I laughed. Why? Because it was funny. I probably wouldn’t laugh now, but I might. It wouldn’t keep me from sympathizing or from helping, but I might well laugh. Wasn’t his fault–he couldn’t help it.
In my junior year of college, a coworker of mine had just gotten a new racing wheelchair. He was goofing off, and tipped the chair. He waved his arms as he went over and yelled “goog!” We laughed. He laughed too, after his pride recovered from the fall. Should we not have laughed?
Anth’s contentions notwithstanding, there are plenty of gags in Malcolm in the Middle that hinge on Stevie’s being handicapped. Should I make sure not to laugh at those?
Now, as I said, I can’t speak for Blessedwolf. But it sure seems to me that the difference between laughing at someone who stubs her toe and laughing at someone with a disability is only a matter of degree. That doesn’t mean I think it’s right. And it doesn’t mean I think it should be encouraged. But I’m enough of a realist to understand why it happens, and that it will continue to happen, and that it’s very funny to see people getting so shrill and oh-so-righteous about it, when it’s clear that shrill and righeous ain’t gonna help matters.
Yeah, I laugh at the Daily Show when they give a run down of Dubya’s latest verbal blunders. Yeah, I’ve felt uncomfortable around people more disabled than me. Guess I’m a hypocrite.
Andros said:
See, here’s where I make a distinction. Chris Stone had an accident. We all have accidents. It coulda happened to anyone. We can relate because we know exactly how it feels and laugh in spite of it. But, I assume, it was a one time thing, Chris didn’t have a problem that made him a habitual dish-dropper. It wasn’t something he had to live with every moment of every day of his life.
Y’see, he was laughing at himself, you were laughing with him. If he’d laid there on the floor and cried would you have continued to laugh? After he was out of the room, did you comment that people in wheelchairs are so funny to watch, or that his useless legs gross you out and you shouldn’t have to work with him? If not, then that’s the difference between you and the teenagers in the OP. That’s why I can’t buy blessedwolf’s defense of them.
I watch Malcolm in the Middle, but I admit I have a hard time with some of those gags. They hit a little close to home. But at least they’ve never had dialogue like:
Reese: Why do you even hang around with that gimp, he’s weird and gross.
Malcolm: I know, but it’s funny to listen to him try to talk.
Do you see the difference?
Ouch, that’s a lot of degrees. My co-worker stubs her toe and laughs and we laugh. I crash my wheelchair into a cubicle and laugh and they laugh. I’m in a wheelchair and someone laughs… wait, where’s the joke? See, there’s a hell of a lot of degrees.
Yeah, it’s stupid to get “shrill and righteous” when people make fun of the handicapped, just like it’s stupid to get “shrill and righteous” when people make fun of blacks or Muslims or homosexuals or anyone else who’s not “normal.” It’s going to happen no matter what, it’s a fact of life, so get over it. Sheesh! :rolleyes:
Swiddles, I kinda love what your dad does with the bright orange bumperstickers, but I see Dignan’s point too. My sister is handicapped (prosthetic leg, legally blind) and sometimes we forget to put the handicapped sign up in the windshield when we’re out with her. More than once. I know we’d sure be pissed off to come back to a bright orange bumper sticker on the windshield.
Also, my sister (if you aren’t looking really close) can almost “pass” as not being handicapped. She does have a cane, (sometimes she forgets to bring it, but not often) but her walk and gait do not betray that she’s missing a leg. I can remember one time that we were yelled at by passers-by when we were parking in a handicapped space because they assumed no one in our car was handicapped. (I appreciate their sentiment, though.)
Of course, I was the Handicapped Space Queen at a retail store I worked at a few years ago. I always would “monitor” the lone space in our parking lot, and if someone parked there didn’t have the proper sign, I got on the PA system and requested that they move their car. A few customers were really pissed, and one even had a tantrum about it. Most were just embarassed. (I know my boss hated what I did, but she could find no reasonable way to tell me to stop.)
As for the OP - kids need to be taught not to have that attitude, and certainly never to spout off like that. I think the thing that most offends me is the attitude “why do we have to look at people like that?” Sheesh. Oooh ooh ooh, poor babies. You had to cast your poor little victimized eyes upon something different. Oh God Forbid. If they don’t want to “look” at anything that they don’t like, they’d better not leave their houses.
Unless you include laughing WITH friends who do this, in a completely non-harmful manner, them no.
I’ve tutted, or made a comment that they should know better (my main beef is “nuke-u-ler” rather than “nu-clear”), but not laughed at them.
I’m sorry if you and others are incredulous…some people are brought up this way. I can find all sorts of things to laugh about that don’t involve any of these circumstances.
Actually, that assumption is false. Apologies, but it was a common thing, he was not coordinated, it was not his fault. Sorry for not being more clear.
Re: my coworker who tipped his chair
Yes, but we laughed before we found out he was unhurt. Was it right? Probably not. Was it funny? Yes.
Besides, the “with, not at” argument often has its own problems. More on this below.
Fair enough, although I didn’t see it as much of a defense.
Again, only in degree. When Reese decided not to be a bully anymore and the school went to hell, there was a very funny scene of a would-be Reese spinning Stevie in circles, while Stevie tried to gasp out “I’m immune!” In addition to setting up the “hey, Stevie’s off limits” bit, it was meant to be funny. And it was.
And? How about “your coworker stubs her toe and doesn’t laugh and we laugh.” Hey, you crash your chair into a wall. How do I know you’re really laughing because it’s funny? For all I knwo you’re only laughing to try to defuse the pain you feel at lookign stupid. Does that automatically justify other people laughing at you?
Of course it’s a scale. Everyone draws the line in a different place.
I didn’t say that. I said I find it amusing, and I said it doesn’t do any good. And I believe it does not. Dr. King didn’t whine, he acted.
Anth:
Wow. I am honestly impressed. :shrug: I dunno, once in a while a banana peel is funny to me. I laughed when Ben Stiller’s character got his lil’ fellas caught in the zipper. Maybe that was, indeed, a fault in how I was raised.
I certainly don’t think it’s right to laugh at anyone else–I have scars to demonstrate that belief, if anyone wants pictures. Again, however, I understand why it happens, and yes, I’ve done so myself. Does that make me a hypocrite? No, it makes me someone who tries to change himself for the better by learning from his mistakes. And it also, conicidentally, makes me more inclined to educate others than merely fume about the injustices of the world.
Okay, let’s see if I’m following this right, because I get the feeling I’m not.
Baker posted that he was upset he’d overheard some teenagers making fun of handicapped people behind their backs, and he was mad but didn’t do anything.
Other posters chimed in that they were mad, too. Some even described similar experiences with handicapped people. Up to this point, most seem to concur that people who mock the handicapped are jerks.
Blessedwolf pops in and says everyone should get over it, we’re all hypocrites who’ve laughed at people for things they can’t help and teenagers are entitled to being coarse and mean because that’s what teenagers do.
Am I up to speed yet?
Then we have this exchange trying to debate at what point it becomes unacceptable to laugh:
Hell then, I don’t know. When I was a kid, I might have laughed if the group laughed, I was a sheep that way, but now I certainly wouldn’t, especially if he didn’t. If it was obvious he had a problem with klutziness and was ashamed or troubled by it, I’d be much too sympathetic (but for the Grace of God go I).
No it’s not, again too close to home. If I tipped my chair, I’d want help, not hyenas. If I laugh, then sure, laugh, but have the decency to check first.
Sounds like open season on the cripples to me.
Guess I’m a big old party pooper, because I didn’t think it was. It made me too uncomfortable, I could sympathize too much with Stevie.
Is it that hard to accept that not everyone automatically laughs? I mean, my co-worker just tripped this morning and no one laughed. She’s wearing big clunky shoes that she trips over. In the past she has laughed over this and made little jokes, then it almost seems rude not to laugh, but to just point and go “Ha ha” everytime someone goofs would be a cruel, stupid thing to do.
When I crash into a cubicle and rip off a hunk of molding, I think it’s funny. The repair people probably don’t. But maybe you have a point. Maybe I’m just making the best of a bad situation. But I can’t help it if they made some of these passage ways too narrow and I have a hard time judging distance. So when you hear a crunch someone in this office, it’s probably me. And I’ll laugh and make a little joke about how it’s my trademark. Maybe it’s defensive. But if I didn’t laugh, if I expressed genuine concern over the damage (it’s usually cosmetic) or I actually hurt myself, I would be quite put out if others laughed. In fact, most of my coworkers ask if I’m all right first thing. They’re courteous that way.
So ultimately you’re saying the teenagers in the library can’t be held accountable for making fun of the disabled people because their line is drawn in a different place? Because that’s what started it all. Teenagers making fun of handicapped people behind their backs so that they couldn’t defend themselves. You can dance around the issue of “laughing with or laughing at” but the people in the library were being laughed at for trying to do what the teenagers take for granted being able to do.
So then your point wasn’t that Baker was getting bent out of shape for no reason, but that he was wrong for not acting? He should have told those teenagers what for? Wait, then why was Rilchiam having a knee-jerk reaction?
You had said:
So Baker should have stood up to the teenagers like Dr. King, but only if he himself has never laughed at anyone, otherwise he’s a hypocrite?
Ok, let me step off my high horse for a sec and address this:
Well, hell, this is the pit, that’s what people do here.
I mean, it really, really, really sucks to be handicapped. I mean, really. And it also makes one feel so utterly powerless. I’ve already been educated that I can’t even get a couple fucking door opening buttons to make navigating my own work place easier. I tried using the ADA to come to my defense, but turns out I don’t have a leg to stand on. So now what? Write my legislator? Sue someone? Wage a one-woman war to change the ADA to say that all public buildings should have door opening buttons? I’m not Erin Brokovich. I’m too tired.
Allow me my righteous indignation, it’s the only luxury I can afford.
I’m sorry for being snotty in my previous posts.
Being disabled really, really, really sucks and it sucks even more knowing that people like the teenagers in the OP exist and other people like blessedwolf appear not to give a shit.
You’re right, Kat. And most adults don’t. But many kids do. That’s one of the reasons I try to forget my high school experiences.
Nope. I’m saying nothing of the sort. But you wanna show me how complaining about their behavior here holds them accountable?
Yup. You’re right again, and my apologies. My issue is not with anyone defending those who cannot defend themselves. It’s with those complaining about it like it’s something new. I should have taken it up with Baker from the beginning.
I dunno why. I asked Matt and Anthracite to clarify their posts by saying:
To which Rilchiam responded:
Since I never said I find disabilities funny, I have to assume it was a knee-jerk response to an inferred position on my part.
Perhaps your confusion arises from the idea that I called anyone a hypocrite. I didn’t.
Allowed, of course. I find it sickly humorous that while thousands of people can abuse the ADA while those with real need cannot get satisfaction. I’m sorry about your troubles with your employer. I’m on several worker-advocacy and union mailing lists in the Pac NW. If you ever want to share your employer’s name, I’m happy to try harassing them into ADA compliance.
No apologies necessary.
But (and here’s where I think Blessedwolf has a valid point), most people in the world don’t give a shit, and never will. And many people wil be cruel. We can ignore them, which will do us soem good. We can approach them, which will do us some good and might even change a mind (or at least activate a conscience). Or we can complain about them, which IMO does neither us nor them any good.