I bought a bottle of that bleached blonde’s Butterscotch Toffee “Dessert Treats” Lucious Locks Conditioning Shampoo and Body Wash at TJ Maxx a couple of days ago for $4.99.
So, I proceeded to wash myself with it.
I woke up this morning and my privates are itching like the dickens. Damn you to hell and back Jessica Simpson. No wonder this stuff didn’t sell at full price and is now so cheap.
I’d rant some more, but, I’ve gotta find a nice rough patch of sidewalk to drag my hindquarters over…
Butterscotch Toffee Shampoo?!
Gee, I wonder why it didn’t sell well.
Do you at least smell like butterscotch?
I think you are supposed to rinse after washing.
Toffee? Are you sure you didn’t just attract ants overnight?
Um, why would you want to buy anything endorsed by that space cadet? She did, after all, ask Pamela Anderson how they were able to run so slowly during the opening of Baywatch.
I did rinse…and I didn’t scrub my privates with the stuff. It was shower run-off.
Truth is, I do smell kinda good. Problem is, my privates feel like those monkeys with the bright red asses look.
Thank God for one day yeast infection cream. Problem is, I had to pay close to $15 bucks for the cure. The damned body wash only cost $4.99. I’m sending Miss Simpson a bill for the difference.
Should I add on for “pain and suffering?”
I don’t grasp how a shampoo can give you a yeast infection. Certainly, it could cause a skin irritation, though.
I’m not claiming it can’t cause a yeast infection, but it doesn’t agree with what I know about yeast infections. I could obviously be wrong.
I once believed that Phisoderm smelled so nice on my face that using it all over, under and in between would be a good idea. I “Ph balanced” my way into an affair with one of those round hairbrushes (not really, but damn I considered it).
Theoretically, an irritant could break down the skin’s defenses, even causing broken skin on a microscopic level, thus allowing the (always present) yeast to overpopulate the area. If this foul potion actually contained sugar, it could certainly promote yeast growth.
My first guess would be it’s just irritation from the fragrance and other unnecessary irritants in the product, and it’s fading in its natural course, which just happens to coincide with the yeast treatment.
Take it from someone who spent months and months trying to get a diagnosis and treatment for severe pussy itch: don’t wash with anything but unscented Dove or unscented, mild facial cleanser down there. Every expert told me the same thing.
(BTW, the diagnosis in my case was what I like to think of as “Snatch-22.” Something irritated the area, so it got itchy, so it got more irritated, so it got more itchy, and so on.)
I never wash my naughty bits with body wash or anything fancy. I use good, old-fashioned Safeguard or something similiar. NEVER use anything scented or fancy on your bits.
Thank you, this was hysterical . . .
Scrape some off, put it on a slide, put the slide in a bottle, and sell it on E-Bay.
(Anybody remember Madonna’s pap smear from Slackers?)
Unauthorized Cinnamon, I just choked on my own saliva reading your post.
NitPick…Slacker
As for Ms Simpson and beauty products, I have this tube of protein facial she could try.
Dang. Orangutang.
You bought ass shampoo? 
Yeah, I read your whole post. Itchy ass sucks ass. Hope you feel better soon.
Methinks you didn’t read it closely enough-it’s not her ass that’s itching and sore.
[Milo Manara Fanclub Geek In-Joke]
And if so, is the subject now invisible?
[/Milo Manara Fanclub Geek]
But yeah – ouch. Paraphrasing the Red Stripe ad: “BOO! For product that washes off the friendly microorganisms on your body and allows nasty, itchy ones to move in!”
No, it’s not my ass…but, close enough. Thanks to all your kind thoughts, a little egg shaped thing from Monistat and a tube of soothing white ointment, I think I’ll live.
Damn that Jessica Simpson and her Dessert Treats shampoo/body wash combo. I may forgive, but I’ll never forget. Somebody should make her use the stuff. Then she’ll be doing a few new dance moves…
Back when my mother was pregnant with me, she went to the Air Force OB/GYN clinic here in Fort Worth. Some woman came in, complaining of yeast symptoms. A (male) clerk told her that what she needed was a hairbrush and a fan. He got written up for that remark, but it’s so, so true.
I, personally, am grateful for OTC yeast relief. Usually I ask for a prescription for Diflucan when I get a prescription of antibiotics.
I prefer to use Ivory soap in that area. Antibiotic/deodorant soaps tend to kill off the good bacteria as well as the harmful ones.