I was watching CNN this morning and there was a story about the Ten Commandments monument in Alabama. They were discussing the how hot the weather was and asked a woman about protesting in the heat. She said it was fine because Jesus was their air conditioner (amen, sister). Next CNN reports that a number of people have been overcome by the heat and had to be treated. Of course this story by CNN implies that Jesus sucks as an air conditioner. Well, I am here to tell you Jesus does not suck as an air conditioner. As our Almighty Lord and Savior he is the best air conditioner faith can buy. You think Buddha is gonna help you with the heat. Shit, you’ll be so melted that they will have to carry you away in a bucket. Only Christ can save you from the heat. This is what the atheists just don’t understand. Have faith and you will feel nice and temperate. You next time you see someone sweating know they are atheist scum.
As for the people overcome with the heat, it is clear they were not walking with the Lord because their faith was just not strong enough. If Jesus can save you from the heat of Hell, he can save you from the heat of Alabama. So, remember if you are going to that Alabama court house to take away that beautiful monument you will be overcome by the all powerful heat of the Lord and the greatest air conditioner ever will not be there to cool you.
Why do you think the Bible belt is in the south? 
You know who gets me hot? That Magdalene chick. I think about her bent over, washing my feet, then maybe being all smooth and saying “You know, I have something else that needs washing…”
It’s not the heat of the Lord, it’s the humility.
Ah yes. Freon Religionists.
Sure Jesus is a great air conditioner, but let me tell you, the fella is just awful as a waffle iron. I remember one Sunday I was making breakfast using my faith in Jesus, and I look down at the waffles, and they’re all assymetrical and burned on the edges and there were these uncooked globs of batter in the middle of them where those holes in Jesus’ hands are, and I say to the guy “Hey Jesus, what’s up with these crappy waffles?” and he just kind of looks sheepish and says " Yeah, I know. Frankly fish and loaves are more my thing really. Maybe try Vishnu?" but Vishnu was busy with the laundry. Eventually I wrangled some obscure Aztek moon diety into making them, and they turned out pretty good.
Yeah, Inky-, Coyolxauhqui makes great waffles. Be careful, though. One time I appealed to her for crêpes, and ended up with the blood and rendered fat of my enemies in place of strawberry syrup and whipped cream.
Freon at last! Freon at last! Oh thank GOD, freon at last…
Y’all really should come see the crowd - it’s like visiting day at the zoo down there. JESUS is there, eyeseenem, complete with the beard, hair and crown of thornssub[/sub] - such a sight to see. 'Course, he’d trimmed his hair and beard real neat, cause it’d be a sin to have long hair, donchaknow.
We also have Betsy Ross (some old lady with long dress and a mob cap), various malcontents wrapped in the “rebel” flag, a couple of guys dragging crosses around, a variety of pious mothers toting screaming infants around in the 110 heat index, and just about every whack-job within driving distance.
I think it was David Alan Grier who was talking about when people get ultra-religious like that. “Want some gum?” “Oh, I don’t need no gum, cause I’ve got the LORD!”
I feel like I’m desecrating this thread by posting something not vaguely sacrilegious and hiliarious, especially after Inky-'s which is the funniest thing I’ve read in some time.
If this is the Moral Majority, please make me a member of a hated minority ethnic group.
Confederate nutjobs must make the baby Jesus cry.
*begins to see a new ‘you picture is on god’s refrigerator’® thread a-brewin’
Yeah, but it’s a dry jesus.
I understand Huitzilipochtli makes some mean barbecue ribs. He doesn’t get along too well with Coyolxauhqui though.
It gives new truth to the words “Jesus is cool, man.”
If Jesus is your air conditioner in the summer, does Satan supply your heat in winter? Or is Jesus dual-action, depending on the season?
He’s not much chop as an iron either. He left an image of His face on my new sheets.
But of course!
I don’t care if it rains or freezes,
I’ll be safe with ThermoJesus™!
This might just be the second-best thread title ever.
But I don’t think anyone’ll ever top Jesus is NOT a hydrogen-powered sports-car with VTOLthat gives blowjobs!.
Amazing. Hilarious.
Looks like them French people could use a lesson in good old American Jesus.