Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ!

The BBQ Pit
1

So it’s 1:30 in the morning. TBS is playing The Blues Brothers. When I look at tvguide.com and see this, I immediately turn to the channel, just in time to see the scene with Sister Mary Stigmata.

Yay, I think, quivering in anticipation. I haven’t missed my favorite scene. I watch the TV, waiting for the one simple line that would set off a chain reaction of hilarity yet unmatched in modern cimema.

Jake offers Sister Mary Stigmata the money. She refuses.

Here it comes. . .

“Well then, I guess you’re really up a creek.”

Shock. Disbelief. Then, the dawning realization that the movie is playing on a broadcast station. . .and therefore must be censored.

Fine. Shit, I suppose, is off limits. It is, after all, one of the “7 words you can’t say on television.” I can understand.

At least the next line will be the same. . .

“God, Jake, take it easy.”

Um, did I hear that right? Yep, I did. The line, of course, is supposed to be “Christ, Jake, take it easy.”

Christ, last I checked, is not a swear word. Christ is not one of the 7 words you can’t say on television. They devote whole channels to talking about Christ. Most of them are boring. None of them are censored.

Of course, saying “Christ!” could be considered taking the lord’s name in vain. So I can understand. . .

. . .wait, no, I can’t. They substituted the word God for the word Christ. This, of course, makes no sense. Taking God’s name in vain is verboten in both the Jewish and Christian traditions (possibly in others). In strict Judiaism, God must be written G-d; there are no such restrictions on Christ.

So, basically, they dubbed in a word that is MORE offensive to MORE people than the original word. :rolleyes:

Then, of course, they omitted my absolute favorite line from the entire movie: “Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ!”

Yet they don’t cut out “dammit.”

Christ, people; the movie’s on at 1 in the morning. I don’t think there are any impressionable youngsters watching. YOU DON’T HAVE TO CENSOR EVERY GODDAMN WORD!

Maybe this is my fault. Maybe I’ve seen the movie so many times that any variation in the dialogue makes me cringe. Be that as it may. . .what they changed sometimes makes no sense. I like my movies the way that God intended them; uncut and dirty as hell.

Sighs

Anyway, that’s it. I’m going to catch the rest of this movie about a band “powerful enough to turn goat milk into gasoline.”

2

But the Illinois Nazis (I hate Illinois Nazis…) were not censored out because they were cast in a light derissive of their nature. And threat of violence appears when Princess Leia points a gargantuan machine gun at Jake’s head, three orange whips, which later killed John Candy, enjoy their screen time. Christ really needs a new agent.

3

“You want I should wash the deceased insectoid earth partners off the windshield?”

“Fix the cigarette lighter”

4

One of my faves:

A Fish Called Wanda: When Otto (Kevin Kline) hits or almost hits another car, he yells, “ASSHOOOOLLE!!!” out of the window. I saw a TV-edited version where it was dubbed over with “MOROOOONNN!!!”

The problem is, his lips were clearly saying, “ASSHOOOLLE!!!”

5

Forget what movie this was in now, but I recently watched a film on TV where every instance of the word “fucking” was replaced with, and I swear I’m not making this up, “viking.” As in, “You viking sonuvabitch.” I seem to recall that the overall effect was an improvement.

6

Eh, it was probably originally edited for prime-time, and they never bothered to do a late-night edit (not worth the extra bucks), and that’s what you’ve got. Hell, the edit was probably done 10 or more years ago, when standards were different.

Doesn’t excuse a stupid edit, but it might explain it.

7

Wait a minute-I thought you were allowed to say “shit” on tv now?

8

I saw a TV edited version of ‘Repo Man’, where the frequently used epithet “motherfucker” was replaced with… “melon-farmer”. I kid you not.

In retrospect, it DID add another aspect of humor to the film, and perhaps enhanced it a little.

9

I have noticed that the Canadian stations play movies in their entirety, and when I happen to catch a movie on an American affiliate, I am stunned by the excessive censorship. Try to get CBC if you can, Angel. I don’t think they censor ANYthing. Of course, you have to be selective watching Canadian tv, cause so much of it is shite.

10

I believe the director of Repo Man produced the TV edit himself.

11

The cable channels have started to capitalize on this. I’ve seen ads on Showcase that feature movie clips with completely ridiculous redubbing, under the slogan “Rather see it uncut?”

MY favourite by far:

The Usual Suspects: Hand me the keys, you fuzzy sock-sucker.

12

Try watching Blazing Saddles on the Family Channel sometime.

They managed to cut out anything anyone might find offensive.

Basically All the funny parts.

13

They say “Asshole” on NYPD Blue all of the time.

14

Ditto with Midnight Run, which must have been 1/2 hour shorter on TV than on tape.

15

I think GoodFellas was just on TV again. I’m sorry I never got to see either this or Pulp Fiction on network TV because I’m sure the results are hilarious.

“How am I funny?”

16

I think GoodFellas was just on TV again. I’m sorry I never got to see either this or Pulp Fiction on network TV because I’m sure the results are hilarious.

“How am I funny?”

I also love when they do some ADR with the TV version to take out swear words and the person saying the “clean” lines sounds nothing at all like the original actor.

17

Do you want the American version of my opinion or the Canadian one?

The Canadian one has lots of expletives and has not been censored while the American one is bland and designed to be inoffensive and not cause any trauma to children or little old ladies.

Kinda like our beer and that stuff you guys call beer.

:slight_smile:

ducks and runs

18

Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ on a fucking crutch!

The preceding post was me, not Lola.

My apologies.

19

Some of the censoring that’s going on now is downright creepy, and disturbing.

I watched “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” on some Turner Broadcasting Network last night:

[ul]
[li]Many of the drug references were gone. The scene where Spicoli smacks his head with a running shoe and says, “Hear that? That’s my skull! I’m so wasted!” - CUT. Any literal drug references - CUT. Someone who had never seen the movie before would be much confused by Spicoli’s behaviour.[/li][li]Stacy’s friends go around writing the word ‘Prick’ on Damone’s locker, car, etc. ALL of those scenes were cut, except for the first scene where he comes out of his place and sees his car with the word “Prick” on it. This scene had been digitally altered to remove the “Prick” and replace it with “Pig”.[/li][li]But that’s okay, because you would be horribly confused by Stacy’s hatred anyway, because THE ENTIRE ABORTION PLOT was cut from the movie. Every scene that had the word ‘abortion’ in it was cut.[/li][li]Needless to say, all profanity and nudity was cut. The monkey spanking scene where Phoebe Cates walks in on Judge Reinhold was cut. [/li][/ul]

This all really bothered me. This goes beyond mere bleeping of words, and involves an attempt to change the entire depiction of kids in the 1980’s. I mean, the reason Fast Times at Ridgemont High was a big hit in the first place is because it resonated so well with us. We all knew a Spicoli, a guy maintaining his ‘hot’ car by working zillions of hours in fast-food places, a guy like Rat, etc. The movie spoke to us. But that little bit of our own history is being slowly erased by the politically-correct morality fascists.

20

I knew I avoided that for a reason. Great gooly moogly, what was left? A movie about a bunch of kids just looking at each other? With the cuts you describe, the film musta been about 15 minutes long!

Gack.