Jesus is coming - look busy!

In My Humble Opinion
21

Hmm, curious. It’s not only Christians proselytizing in public.

Back in the mid-70’s, when I was a teen, I flew from Seattle to Denver, by myself. While I was waiting at luggage pickup I was approached by two Hare Krishna, one man and one woman. Both in bright robes, one yellow, one orange, and both wearing something like worn hiking boots, as I recall. Seems to me the guy had a partially shaved head, with a long ponytail in back…I don’t recall all the specifics anymore, I just recall how intimidated I was that any stranger was addressing me, particularly 1200 miles from home. Fortunately my Dad and brother walked up at the exact right moment and that was pretty much that. My brother teased me about that for weeks, telling me they were looking for converts and such. I was such a ninny, I believed him, too.

Nowadays, when I see someone acting odd or looking to sign me up for this ‘special promotion’, or offering free tickets for just a ‘moment of my time’, I avoid eye contact. Works just fine.

22

While walking down the street one day in Toronto, there were some Muslim men passing out pamphlets and trying to stop people at one particular street corner. The pamphlets they had were talking about how women had true equality in Islam and about how well women were treated. We found it rather odd, but not quite as surreal as the guy yelling about Jesus a few feet away with a strange tumour-like growth the size of a large orange on his neck. I’ll tell them I’m an atheist if they try to harass me (especially if I’m bored), but then, I’m rather confrontational.

As for just getting away from them, pretending they’re invisible seems to work pretty well. I like the idea of dropping the paper and hissing. I’ll have to use it sometime.

23

“When i encounter these yahoos on the street, I smile and take the phamplet and as soon as it touches my hand I drop it and scream in agony”

Too funny… it buuuuurnsssss…

For some strange reason they usually leave me alone.

24

I get approached semi-often by these people. One time I was just wandering down the street and these two people had one of those white boards set up on the corner and were doodling on it to their spiel. I had nothing better to do so I stood and watched then they started handing out pamphlets. I just took off when that started.

Last time I was walking home from the train station and wasn’t really watching where I was walking. I nearly ran over a lady who stepped in front of me and I half expected she was going to ask me for change before she started inviting me to bible study. No thanks… I did that pretty much every day for all my schooling (Mother sent me to Catholic school and a private Christian school) I don’t need to hear more of that.

25

I get comments like that occasionally, since I’m Wiccan and wear a pentacle every day. I try to tell people that I’ll respect their beliefs if they respect mine, but some people don’t quit.

Tommy: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?
Hedwig: No… but I love his work.
(from “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”)

26

We saw someone handing out christian flyers once and:

Wow! Redeption, half price!
Yes. Free!

27

It’s just another form of harassment. Kind of reminds me of the bums that clean your windshield when you stop at an intersection (an urban phenomenom) and then expect a tip. Doesn’t matter if it’s dirty or not, they’re performing you a service, don’t you see. And then there are the people that sit directly outside the supermarket exit so that you practically stumble over them to get by, soliciting donations to “The First Church of His Most Holy Holiness and Community Outreach Center Somewhere Down the Block.” No cookies, no candy, just donations, please, you amoral, ungrateful toad. Well, I guess that’s not so much harassment as it’s simple panhandling but the bucket swingers that that travel down the lines of automobiles waiting at busy intersections soliciting for TFCOHMHCOCSDB by waving a dirty plastic bucket bucket in your face would be, IMO.

28

I’ve been stopped by Mormons three times so far. First time, I was in the mood for a bit of discussion, so I heard the guy’s spiel, learned a little, and then told him I wasn’t interested because he had no objective evidence that he’s right and I’m wrong (and got him to agree after 20 minutes of pointless arguing). Second time, similar thing except I made sure it was a lot shorter. Third time, I just couldn’t be bothered, so I told the guy I can’t respect a religion that outlaws alcohol… (not true, but he doesn’t know that)

If this happens again, I’m just going to run away screaming. Or giggle manically and act psychotic.

29

Apparently in Los Angeles, this just makes them try harder. I’m a 5’7 (tall for my gender/race I guess?) Japanese girl that dresses like a cross between goff and punk… and those guys head for me like freaking homing missiles.

On the street they go out of their way to get in mine; on the bus they either sit right next to me (maybe it’s just my perfume) or right across and start yapping away. WTH?!

30

Sinced Guianstasia hasn’t stopped in yet, I have to share her suggestion for dealing with prostele . . . prostyle . . . prostelity. . . Bible-thumpers.

Pretend you never heard of Jesus.

“Accepted who as my Lord and savior? Jesus Christ? Who’s that? What’s that you say? The Son of God!?! Boy howdy!”

It requires that you have a bit of time on your hands, though, so I haven’t had a chance to use it yet, but I’m eagerly awaiting the opportunity.

31

The next time someone says, “Jesus is coming!” to you, just say “Yeah. Across your nose!”

The conversion attempt will probably end there.

32

Its been a long time plan for me to print out some Church of Satan pamphlets to carry around with me. Then, if on the off chance a converter comes up to we the conversation will go as follows:
Converter: Have you accepted Jesus?
Me: No, nevermind him. The real goods are with the Church of Satan!
C: Wha?
Me: Satan! Haven’t you heard of him? All you have to do is sell your soul and then in the afterlife recieve eternal damnation! Its that easy!
C: gasp
Me: Whats that? You want to know more? Well Satan provides you with a nice maggot infested sauna when you die. Free of charge! Well, unless you hold any value to your soul…
C: EVIL! hiissssssss
Me: See! Your a natural! Come by the St.Lucifers Church, we’ll be having a Bible burning tonight. Then we may sacrifice a goat and if theres time, a virgin.

33

I wear a [Thor’s Hammer](http://www.likeacat.com/usrimage/ 100155f.jpg) and have since I was about 14. It looks like an upside down cross to a great many people, and I always get funny looks from people who initially see me wearing it. I normally go through and explain that it’s a dual symbol for me: it represents my heritage and also a little bit of my faith. (I’m an ecclectic Pagan.) I normally tell them that Satan doesn’t exist, and that I have control over my own destiny, so I don’t need to depend on Jesus for my salvation, although I do admire the life he lived. It normally puts them off for a few minutes, but if they won’t stop after that I tell them that I wouldn’t have converted from Christianity if I didn’t think it was a crock of shit for my own life. If they get offended, I tell them that the reason why there are so many religions is because there are so many types of people; their religion is fine for them, but unfortunately it’s not for me.

The Mormons on campus leave me alone. I think I may have scared 'em off before they got a chance to approach me… with no effort whatsoever. It’s kind of funny. I didn’t even start to wear the Thor’s Hammer until a few months of being up here.

34

This has never happened to me on the street, but I was once babysitting for a family that I knew was very Christian. This didn’t bother me, and it was one of those things that was made clear to me/clarified when I first met the parents, and they had no problems with me not being religious - they simply asked that I not mention it to the kids, but since the kids were 2,3 and 6, it really wasn’t an issue at all.

Or so we thought. One day, I’m preparing lunch (PB&J sandwiches) and the 3 year old comes up to me and says “I want to ask you something”

So I ask what, and she replies “Have you found Jesus? He loves you, you know!”.

I had NO IDEA what to answer to that! Not only because I didn’t want to lie to the poor kid, but also because I wasn’t expecting it from a THREE-YEAR OLD! During my shocked moment, she repeated the question 3 or 4 times, “Have you found Jesus?”

I ended up telling her “Yes, in my own way”, which I felt was basically saying that I’d looked at the issue, and made my decision about it. She wanted details, about what I’d prayed to Jesus about, and how much did I love HIm, etc…it was creepy. I told her that I felt it was a very personal matter, and that I didn’t want to discuss it right now, and that LUNCH WAS READY!

Lucky for me, it seems her love of PB&J sandwiches was greater than her immediate love of Jesus, and the issue never came up again.

I don’t remember if I mentioned it to her parents - I think I did in passing, but told them that although it caught me off guard, it didn’t bother me overmuch. I think they said they’d talk to her, but I don’t know what happened. I never had to talk to the kid about Jesus again, whether due to her parents intervention, or just her own decision not to bring it up.

35

I get approached all the time, I suppose because I look young, wide-eyed, and manipulable. To tell the truth, I guess I am – I have a hard time being rude to people, and one girl actually talked me into buying a copy of The King of Knowledge by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. (I still don’t know what religion the book is about, but that’s one cool name.)

Usually I try to walk away as if I didn’t realize they were talking to me, which works most of the time if you look determined enough.

36

The fact of the matter, is that Jesus himself never “hard sold” anybody. When the rich man did not want to sell all his worldly possesions, Jesus just let him go, did not try to pressure him, or call him back. True Christianity does not use high pressure tactics.

37

Yeah! You know, I’ve been reading about Jehosephat, and how persecution brings blessings. So I have good news for you! Get the fc away from me, or I’ll whack you with an ankh. Scat! Now! Hahnkanovykya yovempker! Pallawaff! Chuffenex…(dreadful inhalation) Chissssaaaaaa!

I never had to get that far.

–Nott

38

I’ve never been stopped by a converter. But this thread makes me hope that I will be someday. It’s inspired me with a few choice answers :smiley: :
Converter: Have you found Jesus?
Me: No. Man, is he good at hide-and-seek. walk away

Converter: Have you found Jesus?
Me: No, but I’m still looking. walk away

Converter: Have you found Jesus?
Me: Yes, he was hiding behind my refridgerator. Sneaky sonofagun. walk away

Converter: Have you found Jesus?
Me: He’s lost? walk away

Converter: Have you let Jesus into your life?
Me: Yes, as a matter of fact I have. He stayed at my place a few weeks ago, terrible house guest. Always walking on the bath water, turning the water to wine while I’m brushing my teeth. And don’t get me started on the way his hair shed, boy howdy! walk away

39

Many threads ago, a poster named Lyllyan responded thusly:

40

We had a guy at my high school named Dave who would corner people in the hallways at lunchhour and give them lectures about God.

That and the neighbours were mostly members of a certain conservative Christian church – Baptist, I think. The Mormons and the Jehovah’s Witnesses would be by once every couple of months. Maybe they were trying to make inroads in our neighbourhood, like an evangelical turf war? :stuck_out_tongue:

I find evangelism for any religion kind of funny. I’m Wiccan, and in the communities I’ve been a part of, we don’t prosthelytize. On the contrary, we’re horrible to new converts. We generally assume they’ve seen The Craft or Charmed too many times, and snub them for a year or two, until they prove their sincerity. It’s amazing we have any converts at all.