The girl showed up last week and did her spiel while her friend stood a respectable distance away and smiled.
I was just being nice and waiting for her to take a breath so I could say “No thanks. Not interested.”
But she kept talking. Quickly. Like a salesperson or telemarketer is trained to do.
After a while I just stared at her and waited to see how long she could go. She quoted the bible a lot and showed me the usual ‘paradise’ pictures of people in the happy, sunny valley playing with tigers and picking flowers in their lovely sweaters.
Then I got sleepy with it and accepted her little book and said thanks and good day.
Well, this week she’s back to see how I liked the book. My spouse answered the door and pretty much told her to take a hike.
They waited a few hours and came back! Trying to catch me answering the door instead!!
Now I’m paranoid to go outside. I’ve thrown the little book in the trash, and even thought about burning it first. I watch out the windows for their grey Toyota Corolla. I am frightened.
Please don’t let them get me.
I don’t want to wear a sweater and pet a tiger in the happy valley!
Ingredients:
One Buddha Statue
One orange robe
lots of incense
Method:
place buddha statue in front yard, burn much incense, put orange robe on, await JW and when they appear open the door and answer
“welcome welcome buddha be with you”
I was accosted by some camus Mormons today. When they gave me a long enough pause to speak, I told them I was on my way to something important and told them to have a nice day. I guess that day I looked approachable enough to try the spiel on; they generally avoid me like the plague. ::grins::
Whoops, that was supposed to say “campus Mormons,” not “camus Mormons.” That’s what I get for trying to type with my right hand while I eat a grilled cheese sandwich with the other.
Don’t throw out the book! In order to break the JW binding spell you must pee on the book, for maximum effectiveness do this in the presence of the JW girl.
Something fun to ask the JWs if you can get in a word edgewise:
You believe that only 144,000 people get to go to heaven. So if I join, where am I on the list? Why should I join you when there are other religions that guarantee a place in heaven? Just thought I’d share. They’ll probably have a ready answer, but it would be fun to watch just in case they don’t.
Of course a black robe and some black candles would set of fun mood as well. Then tell her you were drawn to the dark side by her little book. And thank her.
Along El Marko’s lines…tell them that you have the Mormons on the phone and that they’re offering a guaranteed place in heaven PLUS a free set of sacred underwear as a signing bonus! Then ask what the JW prizes are like.
Ahh the JW’s… I had the same thing happen to me. They came to my Grandma’s house and I was polite, listened to the spiel, took the books and forgot about it.
They came back. Even asked for me by name!
The second time I told them simply I’m sorry but I’m not interested in converting.
They left me alone after that. Of course if you live in a small town and are a nodding acquaintance to one, well you’re screwed. When we lived in Edson one lady my Mom knew somehow from around town would stop by every week and leave the newest publications even when we told her not to and stopped answering the door at all when she showed up! (Yeah rude but we were desperate by the 20th time she showed up.)
I’ve also stopped pausing to watch the funny people with the board of paper and a pile of bibles they give out after a spiel with lots of drawing on the paper. I feel like I’m in Sunday school again and am curious about what they are saying… but it’s so annoying when they try to convert you to just another form of Jesus worship… (well at the time I was Catholic and they tried to convert me to some other denomination… )
I used to tell them I was a Maoist (not true, although a still have a bust of Lenin on display and copy of the little red book) and invite them in to discuss dialectical materialism with me.
They, among other christian sects, seem to be following me around. Ive had several come to my house. Ive been approached by some downtown as well. It doesnt matter where Im at. Its like as soon as we make I contact, Bam!, they are on me. Wonder if they can sense fear?
Once I even told them I was already a catholic (lie), but its like he saw right thru it and continued on. Now my new tatic is to fake not being able to speak english.
I have found that answering the door naked works well. Now of course you can add to this by also holding say, a whip and dressing in bondage gear. You will never see them again
