Now that we can openly carry guns to college, there should be a lot more degrees bein’ handed out. And students won’t have to sleep with teachers any more. Just place that red light on their foreheads. In a few years, we’ll climb up from number 50th in college grad-you-ates in the USA, prolly up to, oh, 38th or so.
Don’t bother fact-checking. I made up those numbers.
How does an Aggie play Russian Roulette? Full auto.
What about the Aggie who came home and found his wife in bed with another man.
He went to the dresser drawer, pulled out a gun, and put it to his own head.
His wife cried out, “No! No! Don’t!!”
“Shut up, bitch. You’re next.”
I think you just use a red one and a blue one at the same time.
You Texans sure have issues. I’m glad I live in CA where everyone is normal!
We don’t have issues, we are issues.
Yeah, but I moved back to the East Coast once while having Cali plates on my car.
I didn’t get far in TX before being cited. Which, I deserved for speeding. However, the shakedown was I had to pay the speeding ticket in cash on site of the police station. No mailing it in, no check, no credit or debit card to pay the fine–cash only.
I hear this is common with drivers with Cali plates in TX.
Heh, I got the police shakedown in Kansas for “driving while Californian”. Full on drug-sniffing dogs because I stayed in the left lane while not passing (the roads were wet and the trucks were kicking up so much water in the right lane that I couldn’t see). “Are you sure you don’t have some personal-use marijuana in your car, sir? I’ll understand if you do.” I will never set foot in that state gain.
Have you gotten this bumper sticker yet?
Texans are very friendly people, they just want you to stay a little longer. Maybe get a picture of you going down the Piggly Wiggly, try to buy some kale.
I actually got a big fat steak at The Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo.
IIRC, according to their trivia, the record for eating their 72 oz. steak is like 90 seconds:
Set by a Bengal tiger.
You still have Piggly Wiggly?
Don’t live there any more, exiled to the People’s Republic of Minnesota. Few years back, spent nine nights and five days in Austin. Don’t remember much outside of all the grinning.
I think Jerry Jeff said “I don’t live in Texas, I live in Austin.”
Lake Wobegon, eh?
First time I went, found myself walking around a big ol’ house with a sleeping bag, looking for a room nobody was partying in. Saw a car leave and said “Oh, so people are leaving?”
“Nah, we’re running low on beer and cigarettes.”
There’s a “counter-cultural” sort of bar I go to, sometimes. Sitting there, place pretty full, John Koerner playing. Look around, thought to myself “There’s a good chance nobody in this bar is actually armed.”
I find that soothing.
Indeed.
Ya know, even though my grandfather-in-law (from Kentucky) referred to several people as peckerwoods, I was not addressed as such, so I’m not sure if I qualify.
I can read and write, do simple arithmetic, and only enjoy lassoing toddlers from horseback on special occasions. Since I can claim that, I figure I’m doing pretty well.
Well, perhaps we ought to get back to ranking on John Mace, in deference to the OP.