At work, they play one of the local radio stations, for reasons I’ve not been able to figure out. You can hardly hear much of it over the general noise of the place. However, during the bulk of the shift, we’re subjected to John Tesh’s radio show, and this, for reasons known only to Cthulhu, comes in loud and clear.
He claims that his radio show is “intelligence helping you through your life.” If you find anything Tesh says to be either intelligent or helpful, I have only one thing to say: Kill yourself. You’re better off coming back as a lobster. Trust me.
Lest you think that I’m exaggerating, I’ll give you an example of some of the “wisdom” he spews on his program: Water is important for good health. Gee, I didn’t know that. I guess I should stop drinking the turpentine and arsenic cocktails I’ve been knocking back at work. :rolleyes:
Thankfully, Tesh doesn’t subject us to any of his compositions. The fucker’s so white he makes an albino look like Isaac Hayes. Still, his (or more realistically the programming manager’s) music selection absolutely sucks. It’s almost all crap from the 70s and 80s. Now, I’m not dissing the total output of those decades as being crap, just 99.9999% of it that Tesh plays. Those were my formative years, and I grew up listening to much of it, so I’m quite familiar with it, and yes, I did think that bands like Journey were “cool” back then. But I also thought that it was a “cool” evening if I had a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi and a Little Caeser’s pizza. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that there are things better in life than Pepsi and pizza (namely, booze and sex).
Even worse, Tesh’s playlist is only about 12 songs deep, so we hear the same shit and over and over again. Even the one or two songs he plays that aren’t absolute crap, are played so often, that I can’t stand them. Between the incessant repetition and the bipolar behavior of my supervisor (“You guys are doing great!” “You’re a bunch of gruff-talking, work slackers! I’m going to fire the lot of you!”) I’m seriously tempted to start fire bombing.
I just cannot understand how anyone can be so unhip and lame as Tesh is. He doesn’t even realize how much he sucks. He and his wife, Connie Sellecca, were “born again virgins” before they got married. WTF kind of stupidity is that? Either you’ve fucked, or you haven’t. That’s it. You don’t want to fuck outside of marriage? Fine. I’ve got no problems with that, but don’t come up with this bullshit that you’ve somehow “regained” your virginity.
Even worse, though, is that he seems to think that the shit he quotes from magazines is somehow helpful to people. All of it, and I mean, fucking all of it, has the same level of intellectual sophistication of a Cosmo article that claims to reveal “the sexual secret which will drive your man wild in bed” and the “secret” turns out to be a blowjob. Any woman over the age of 18 who doesn’t know that a guy like’s getting his dick sucked, has some serious issues (and any guy who doesn’t like getting his dick sucked, have even more serious issues).
If I ever meet Tesh in person, I’m going to club him like a baby harp seal just on general principles.
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