The turkey’s shoes are white because Thanksgiving is after Labor Day?
No, no, you aren’t supposed to wear white after Labor Day! The turkey’s shoes are white because Thanksgiving is before next year’s Labor Day.
What’s twelve inches long and has 100 holes in it?
Karen Carpenter’s belt.
What goes on four legs in the morning, on two legs at noon, and on three legs in the evening?
Paul Mccartney and his wives.
For a completely different reason other than politics:
Q: When is a boy not a boy?
A: When he’s abed.
What does P.L.O. stand for?
“Push Leon Overboard.”
“If Mama Cass had given her ham sandwich to Karen Carpenter, they might both still be alive today.”
I know she died of complications from anorexia, but I still don’t get this. Is it a reference to a specific album?
ETA: Oh, nevermind. You mean the picture’s on the infinitesimal side of the vinyl album itself, not on the album art. :smack:
What has eight legs, one tit and goes to dinner parties?
The Fords and the Rockefellers.
Rather on the side of the record sleeve, which is still pretty darn thin.
I thought that was Ted Bundy.
A 1991 joke that got recycled in 2003:
What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
Nothing…yet.
Will somebody tell Jay Leno that his Clinton jokes stopped being funny sometime around 1991? Sorry it’s not a joke, but he never updates those at all.
Bonus points if anyone actually gets this, as it was topical for about ten minutes:
Did you hear that Ann Winterton* was going to star in The Passion of the Christ?
It didn’t work out - they kept withholding the whip.
*See the section on her Morecambe joke, to which this was a response.
What do the sharks call Leon?
Meals on wheels*
*Mr. Klinghoffer was confined to a wheelchair
What do you get when you cross a crowded politican with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton
I heart Michael Jackson died of food poisoning from eating 10 iyear old weiners.
What’s the difference between the United States and the Soviet Union?
The United States has a Communist party.
(Now that was a short-lived joke. A few weeks after it became true, the Soviet Union ceased to exist…)
What’s the difference between The USA and the UK?
The USA has Ronald Regan, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder. The UK has Margaret Thatcher, no cash, no hope, and no wonder.
A crowded politician?
Can you imagine if you were 18 and this was your first election? It would be like the first time you have sex, and your choice is between Shelley Winters and Bela Abzug.
-Johnny Carson, 1980