There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
A Rational Expectations Economist and his friend are walking down the street when the friend points and says, 'Hey there’s a ten dollar bill on the ground." The Rational Expectations Economist replied, “No there isn’t.”
I made one the other day. Me and my lewd friends we chitchatting and someone complained about their constant itching on some bodily part. Then after awhile the chat wandered back to the normal risque subjects.
I quipped “now the conversation is REALLY getting prurient”
I got duly thwapped after I explained the etymology.
And I remembered one more:
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
HTML IS CODE
Richard Pryor jokes would probably not be recognized in Norway.
Two matrons are walking out of a Broadway matinee. A panhandler approaches them, hand outstretched.
Panhandler: “Spare any change?”
Matron: “‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be’: William Shakespeare.”
Panhandler: “‘F**k you’: David Mamet.”
How do you know when you’ve landed gear up?
It takes full power to taxi.
Joke for those who know automotive trivia:
Tired of driving slow all the time, the snail takes his 1982 Buick Skylark into a hot rodder’s shop and asks if they can do anything to make it a little quicker. The shop owner chuckles, as he’s used to working on Mustangs and Corvettes, but he agrees to see what he can do. After making every possible go-fast modification to the little car, he calls up the snail and tells him his Buick is ready to race. The snail picks up the car, and as the mechanics watch, he pulls out of the garage, tires squealing, and zooms off down the street.
“Wow,” says one mechanic. “Look at that X-car go!”
Explanation: GM uses one-letter body codes for its basic styles of cars. For example, the Cavalier and Sunfire are known as “J-cars” and the Grand Am and Malibu are “N-cars”. The 1980-85 Skylark, Phoenix, Omega and Citation were the “X-cars”. Of course, the joke is a play on the word “escargot”. I hope you at least figured that out.
Not so much a matter of knowing physics rimshot:
I can’t believe nobody’s thought of:
All your base are belong to us.
Lileks has a new section of his website about the architecture of postwar churches. The title? “Nearer My God To Mies.”
Not too many people would ge this one:
Q.How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.Just one but he’l go through an entire box before finding a bulb he likes
Q.How do you make a drummer play an accelerando?
A. Tell him to play steady downbeats at MM120
Yes, Meros, I get it. My wife is a clarinettist. Did you hear the quip Stanley Drucker made when he visited the Van Doren factory once?
“I’d like to meet the guy who puts the one good reed in each box.”
And please, folks, for the love of Sweet Petunia Brown, NO VIOLA JOKES!!!
What’s the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.
What is the favorite baseball team of onocologists?
The New York Mets!
Saw this one on “The Family Guy” a couple years ago, I almost wet myself I was laughing so hard:
The father and one of the kids are sitting aroud the house and phone starts ringing. The little kid gets all excited and starts jumping around screaming:
“I hope it’s mom, I hope it’s mom!”
The dad gets excited and starts jumping around screaming:
“I hope it’s Sommerset, I hope it’s Sommerset!”
It’s amazed me how few people get this one. It’s (rather un-PC), so forgive that… but…
Three expectant mothers are sitting in an obstetricians’ office, knitting away and waiting to be called in. One mother holds up the booties she’s knitting and says “MY baby boy is going to be a quarterback, so I’m making him some little athletic booties, and I’m taking lots of extra iron supplements to make sure he grows up big and strong.”
The second holds up the scarf she’s knitting and says “Well, MY little girl is going to be a figure skater, so she’ll need a scarf, and I’m taking plenty of calcium to make sure she has strong bones and a winning smile.” They both look at the third woman, and one asks “What are you taking, and what are you knitting?”
“Thalidomide, and I’m knitting a sweater, but I just can’t get these arms right.”
go away you freakin CH E’s , mech, math majors and assorted nerds. .Answer the Question… “IS THERE LIFE AFTER BIRTH?” and this major truth… “THERE IS NO GRAVITY–THE EARTH SUCKS” GT IM 1970.
Now for a few jokes to celebrate St Patrick’s Day, the rising and setting of the sun, and other events. Q. How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb? A. One to hold the bulb, two to hold the ladder, and about 5 or 6 to drink until the room starts to spin. Q. How many Teamster’s does it take to change a light bulb? A. It’s never been able to be determined. Q. What’s the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Wake ? A. One dead Irishman. Time to quit before I give away all my material. lol.