sick sick sick. so here’s mine. is a lizard’s movement considered scalar or vector?
Who led the Pedant’s Revolt of 1381?
Which Tyler.
Ok, so a neutron walks up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, a proton, slides him the drink, and the neutron asks, “How much?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.” The neutron asks, “Are you sure?” The bartender says, “Yeah, I’m positive.”
STOP ME BEFORE IPLANagain.
There’s a whole host of jokes like these in jjimm’s thread entitled Is this the most intellectual joke in the world?
An oldie:
How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and one not to change it.
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture
with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest
possible amount of fence. The engineer is first. He herds the sheep
into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, “A
circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the
best solution.” The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of
infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around
the herd, declaring, “This will give the smallest circular fence around
the herd.” The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little
thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, “I
define myself to be on the outside!”
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/ has a whole bunch of good jokes.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don’t know how the hell they got in there.
Now that’s funny! 
The Washington Post had a contest a couple months ago asking for jokes so esoteric that they need asterisks to explain them. Here are the results from that contest. A sample of some of the entries:
Q: What did the zen master say to the hotdog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
I saw this one in a Dave Baqrry column, of all places:
How do you get a bass player to play tremuloso?
Mark it solo.
And I heard this one from a priest:
Christ at the scene of the Woman Taken in Adultery: “Let He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone!”
A stone suddenly flies by, over his shoulder.
Without turning around, He says: “Mother!”
There are three types of mathematician in the world.
Those who can count, and those who can’t.
–
Two atoms are walking along the street, and one says to the other, “I’ve lost an electron”. His friend replies, “Are you sure?” The first atom replies “Yes, I’m positive.”
–
A topologist can’t tell his doughnut from his coffee cup.
–
Okay, I got, hmmm, maybe half of these. That makes me average, right? 50th %ile? But if these are jokes for the above average…
Ah. My contribution?
Why did Schliermacher cross the road?
He was stapled to Schlegel.
You’ve conflated two jokes there.
“How many surrealist does it take to change a light bulb?”
“Two, one to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools”
and
“How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?”
"The fish
Zen joke: There once was this tree…
O
Did you hear about the dislexic, agnostic insomniac? He sat up all night wondering if there really was a dog.
I usually have to explain at least two of those terms when I tell this joke.
I don’t even get that one and it made me laugh.
“I’d call him a sadistic bestialist necrophiliac, but that’s beating a dead horse.”
– Woody Allen’s What’s Up, Tiger Lily?
No, no, no. These aren’t nearly obscure enough. The trick is to combine genres. If 10% of people know a bit of maths, and 10% of people go to the opera, then only 1% of people get jokes about both!
Q What’s commutative and allows you to rule the world?
A The ring of Neibelung.
OK, that ones lame; come on guys, you can do better!