I in no way find the following jokes amusing.
A man goes to the golf course and finds that all of the caddies have been replaced by little robots. The robot caddies are terrific - they give you exact distances to the hole, replace your divot, give you the correct club, etc. The man shoots the best score of his life.
He returns the next week but all of the robot caddies are gone. “Where are all the robot caddies?” he asks the pro. “Well,” replies the pro, “The only bad part of the robot caddies was that they’re constructed of stainless steel and some of the players were complaining of the reflection off of them. So, I painted them all black yesterday. This morning half of them didn’t show up for work and the other half robbed 7-11 stores during the night.”
Wow, I never thought I’d say it, but the jokes have been getting even worse (better?). You people are evil! Keep up the good work!
What’s the best part about having sex with a 2 year old?
Hearing the ribs crack.
I’ve heard this one in a series of jokes:
Q. What’s better than having sex with a 12-year old girl?
A. Having sex with a 10 year old.
Q. What’s the best part about having sex with a 10-year old?
A. If you pull her hair back, she looks like a boy.
Q. What’s better than having sex with a 10 year old boy?
A. Nothin’.
Jokes about children and babies? bad. bad. bad.
you should all be ahamed of yourselves. If you laughed at those, raise your right hand, and slap yourselves with it!
I had to skip those jokes.
But the other ones were great.
I am still laughing about the Ethiopion one.
Carry on.
SPOOFE Bo Diddly:
I just don’t get this. Is this supposed to be some sort of necrophiliac pedophile joke?
Chaim Mattis Keller
A man comes home from work and immediately his girlfriend starts punching, slapping, and kicking him. “I found out today that you are a pedophile!” she screams.
“Honey! Pedophile’s an awful big word for a six year old!”
Adding to Connor’s list . . .
Q: What’s better than having sex with a twelve-year-old girl?
A: Turning her over and pretending she’s a ten-year-old boy.
I hate myself for remembering this “joke”.
How do you make an 8 year old boy cry…twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told the bitch twice.
Q: What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?
A: A woman.
Q: Why do girls have legs?
A: So they don’t leave trails like slugs.
Q: How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed?
A: Stick Velcro on the ceiling.
Q: What do you get when a blonde stands on her head
A: A brunette with bad breath.
Q: What did God say when he created the second black person?
A: Shit! Burnt another one.
How did God screw up when he made women?
He put the snack bar too close to the dump.
Why did he make them that way?
So you can carry them around like six-packs.
I am in no way responsible for the above.
No way.
How come everyone is getting away with racist jokes here, but when I said in the pit that steve from Blues Clues was gay everyone got on my ass?
Dopers are an odd bunch. With that said, here are some tasteless jokes some cops told me:
Q: What’s the difference between a Mexican & a cue ball?
A: The harder you hit them the more english you get out of
them.
Q: How many cops does it take to push a scumbag down a
flight of stairs?
A: None. He tripped and fell.
A policeman pulls over a woman for failing to stop at a stop sign. The woman protests “but I slowed down”. The officer says “it’s a stop sign. You are supposed to come to a complete stop”. The woman replies, “but I slowed down, that’s the same thing”. The officer then says, “no it’s not! You rolled right through the intersection! You didn’t stop!” Once again the woman says “but I did slow down as I went through the sign, and that’s the same as stopping, you pig!”. Now the cop is pissed, so he yanks the woman out of the car and beats her with his night stick. He beats her until shes a bloody mess. Then he asks her “Now, do you want me STOP beating you, or do you want me to SLOW DOWN?!”
Cop humor, huh?:rolleyes:
That was suppose to be, What does a Mixican and a cue ball HAVE IN COMMON! Duh! I must of had a big bowl of Dumb Ass for breakfast today.
You did ask. Now don’t come down on me saying I’m this and that. Here goes:
Two black guys are walking down the street. They pass a tanning parlor with a sign in the window saying “Today only! Reverse Tanning $5.00”. They look at each other excitedly, but neiter has the whole five dollars. They decide to pool their money and send one of them in first to see what happens. The one guy heads in and the other waits outside. He waits and waits and until finally his buddy comes out whitter than a bowl of rice. He gets all excited and asks his friend, “Hey, gimme Five bucks! I wanna try that”. The now white black man says, “Fuck you nigger. Get a job”.
Here are a few, please don’t hurt me.
What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What’s blonde, has six legs and runs through Gary Glitters dreams?
Hanson.
What do fat people do in the Summer?
Stink.
A paedophile was walking along some cliff’s one day when he saw a little girl sitting down looking over the cliff.
He went over to her and said:
“Hey little girl, what’s the matter?”
The little girl pointed over the cliff and the paedophile looked over saw a burning car wreck below with a couple of flaming corpses on the rocks.
The little girl said through her tears “My mummy and daddy were in that car, and now they’re dead”
At which point the paedophile undid his trousers and said
“It’s not really your day is it?”
.
Two paedophiles on a beach, one says to the other
“Hey, Get out of my sun!!!” (say it out loud)
I’ve got some bad ones too (please note that I also find these jokes to be tasteless).
Q: Why shouldn’t you throw rocks at an indian on a bike?
A: You might damage your bike.
Q: What’s grosser than gross?
A: When you’re having sex with an ethiopian and her tape worm gives you head.
Q: Why do women have small feet?
A: So they can stand closer to the stove.
Q: What’s the fastest thing on an indian reservation?
A: A Lysol truck.
Q: What are the second fastest things on an indian reservation?
A: The indians chasing it.
Q: What do you call a scotsman with 300 girlfriends?
A: A sheperd.
That reminds me of another one:
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Because sheep can hear zippers.
(usual disclaimer)
Q:What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a 3-piece suit?
A:Will the defendant please rise
Q:What happened to the sexually aroused Jewish man who ran into a wall?
A:He broke his nose
Q:How do you keep 4 gay guys happy with a chair?
A:Turn it over
Q:Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
A:Because she’s a woman.
A man is walking along a beach, and he sees a woman there with no arms and no legs, and she’s crying and crying and crying, so he stops and asks her what’s wrong. “I’ve never been hugged”, she says. So he’s a nice guy, so he picks her up and gives her a hug, and puts her back down. A while later, he’s walking back along the beach and he sees her again and she’s still crying. So he asks her what’s wrong and she says “I’ve never been kissed”. So he picks her up, gives her a nice long wet one, slips her some tonuge, and puts her back down again. A bit later he’s walking by and sure enough, she’s crying and crying. So he asks her what’s wrong, and she says “I’ve never been fucked”. So he picks her up, throws her as far as he can into the ocean and say, “there, now you’re fucked”.
Two men, a white man, and a black man rob a bank and are shot in the process. Both die and go to Hell.
The Devil looks at them, and says, "Okay, both of you have to sit in one of my hands.
So the white guy sits in the palm of the Devil’s left hand and melts instantly. The black guy sits in the Devil’s right hand for three hours without even breaking a sweat. Finally, the devil can’t take it anymore.
“What’s your deal, buddy? You should be a puddle now!”
And the black guy goes, “Milk chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand!”
(ugh!)
Did you hear about the mathmatical miracle girl?
She was 8 before she was 7!
(say it out loud.)
How did the constipated mathmetician cure himself?
He worked it out with his fingers.
(yuk yuk yuk)
In the vein of the OP:
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection ?
A quarter pounder with cheese !
Thank you, Thank you, I’ll be here all week……