Two nuns are in a communal shower. One looks over at the other and says ‘Where’s the soap?’ The second one replies, ‘It sure does, doesn’t it?’
So, do we get some explanations?
The Hanoi Hilton is what POWs called the camp.
Not for mine, no.
That was one of the few ones I got.
Penis enlargement?
I think I got yours.
Something to do with unshaven skin and erosion?
Yes, that is it basically. I never said it was a particularly good joke. Someone here told that joke years ago and didn’t provide an explanation for days so I make it a point to spread the misery whenever I can.
Nobody actually knows the Heimlich maneuver. It’s a secret.
In which I explain my jokes:
This is about language, but not the way some have interpreted it. In Cockney English, the ‘h’ (or, ‘aitch’, rather) is frequently dropped in phrases such as ‘a heroic’, leading them to pronounce it ‘an heroic’. Therefore, the way to commit ‘a heroic act’ is to move someplace where they pronounce their ‘aitches’, such as America.
In some languages, you can curry functions, which means you can do something like this:
# Func1 takes three arguments and adds them.
func1(a, b, c) { return a + b + c; }
# func2 is now func2(b, c), which takes two arguments, and computes 1 + b + c.
func2 = func1(1)
# func3 is now func3(c), which computes 1 + 2 + c.
func3 = func2(2)
Therefore, if a curried function can be evaluated a piece at a time, a curried meal can be eaten a piece at a time.
This is a networking joke: In the old way of allocating addresses, the only way to allocate parts of an address space was by classes, based on how many bits of the (implicitly 32-bit IPv4) address could vary to form new addresses: Class A blocks were blocks where all of the 32 bits except the first eight could change, Class B blocks had 16 bits fixed and 16 bits free to vary, and Class C blocks had 24 bits fixed and 8 free. (It was a bit more complex, with classes D and E defined, but that’s a bit much for 20+ year old network technology.) The classful Internet was in use until 1993.
Now we have CIDR, or Classless Inter-Domain Routing, so we can form address blocks like 192.168.1.252/30, which means 30 bits are fixed and the last two can vary, giving you an address space of four addresses total. That’s fine-grained address allocation; CIDR also works with 128-bit IPv6 addresses, where the need for fine-grained allocation is less pressing but, hell, why would we invent CIDR just to abandon it?
I was so disappointed that Blatty’s novel didn’t even mention the late J.R.R. Tolkien.
Why was Bert doing the pigeon?
Because Ernie said,“Not tonight hun, I have a headache.”
Or anywhere else in the UK for that matter. Except Buckingham Palace perhaps. The voiceless h in many words, once common in the UK (and the colonies, such as pre-Independence Americs) persisted longest among the upper classes and the lowest class. Thus an 'otel, an 'ospital, etc. In some words the voiceless h persists even to this day in both the US and UK, thus 'erb for herb, yooman for human, although the speak-as-you-spell tendency is gradually killing these vestiges off on both sides of the pond.
Now, any more jokes I can explain away until the last drop of yoomur (another one) is drained from them?
The rancher was ready to retire, so he called his three sons over and told them it was time for their inheritance: the whole ranch and the herd of beef were theirs. So they fixed up the fences, and repainted the barn, and bought a new truck.
“If y’all own it, it’s got to have a new name,” their dad said. So the sons thought about it, and finally one of them came up with a new name: Focus.
“Focus?!” said the dad. “What kind of damn fool new age name is that?”
“Simple,” came the response. “It’s where the sons raise meat.”
Ok, I cannot get that one. Help please?
oops.
Wait! don’t go! I’ll tell!
When a person is executed by hanging, he or she is hanged. When a man has an extraordinarily large penis, he is said to be hung. Therefore, the plastic surgeon had the talent and means, not to commit suicide, but to become a legend in his own mind! 
I was going to say similar to the first sentence, but didn’t want to spoil anything. 
Actually many people drop an H here and there, normally when talking quickly or lazily. I don’t think many would go so far as to say “an 'eroic”, though, so that part of
However, we don’t say “'erb” in the UK (unless we’re dropping the “H”, and in which case we still know it’s laziness, not correctness). I’ve always taken the American pronunciation to be an approximation of the French “herbe” rather than real H-dropping. We don’t (generally) say “yooman” or “yoomur” either. Do you?
ETA:
No one reads my posts 
Here are the ones I get that haven’t been explained:
Who led the Pedants’ Revolt in 1381?
The real revolt was the “Peasant’s Revolt,” which was led by Wat Tyler, which sounds like “What Tyler.” However, the pedantic say you should use “Which” rather than “What” in such a context.
Three logicians walk in to a bar, bartender asks “Would you three like a drink?”
The question was whether “you three” wants a beer, and the logicians treat this as a yes/no answer. The first one only knows his preference. If it were “no,” he’d know that everyone did not want a beer, and thus would say “no.” Since he does not say no, that means his preference is “yes.” The second one knows the above plus the preference of the first one, and thus also reveals his prerference is “yes.” The third one, knowing everyone else’s preferences, can confidently say “Yes” to the question.
Latin students never decline sex
Sex is a number in Latin, and thus is an exception to the rules that all adjectives must have their endings altered according to usage, aka declension.
The King cartoon: Fewer is the “proper” way to say there is “less” of a countable noun.
Who was big and grey and the father of Alexander the Great?
His father’s real name was Philip of Macedon, which sounds similar to Mastodon.
There’s no I in denial [says the drowning Egyptian].
The person saying this is in denial about the spelling of the word [and his state of being in “the Nile.”]
The “speeding quantum physicist” is stating the Heisenberg uncertainty principle as if it was valid in the macroscopic world. And 10 means “two” in binary.
An alloy of Germanium and Uranium: Geranium. Pretty much self-explanatory.
From what elements can you synthesise whisky? – Scandium, oxygen, technetium and hydrogen. (Note: If scandium is unavailable, you can substitute sulfur and cobalt for the first two of these)
Assumedly these are the chemical elements that make up whisky, although I note carbon is missing, and I don’t find anything on scandium or technetium. Cobalt may be a reference to the band “Cobalt Whisky,” but it is also commonly used for whisky glasses.
What is i x infinity? – 8
In some types of mathematics, imaginary numbers are used to indicate rotation.
Q: What MDX function would you use to retrieve [Product].[All].[Dried Fruit].[Raisins]? CurrantMember
The code in question is apparently supposed to mean to find all dried fruit products that are not raisins. CurrentMember is an actual MDX function.
What’s an anagram of “Banach-Tarski”? “Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski”.
The Banach-Tarski paradox involves taking apart one sphere and putting it back together as two spheres that are identical to the first.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a beer and a mop!”: A skeleton has no stomach.
“What did you do to the cat?” Mrs. Shroedinger asked her husband. “Poor thing looks half-dead.” Shroedinger’s cat is in a superposition of dead and alive.
Nobody actually knows the Heimlich maneuver. It’s a secret.
heimlich is also the German word for secret.
Why was Bert doing the pigeon?
“Doin’ the Pigeon” was a name for a dance performed by Bert on Sesame Street.
Any I didn’t specify, I didn’t get. Those not in spoilers I expect anyone could get.
He’s not dancing! 
Put your mind further into the gutter.
I think you’re over-thinking this one just a bit
[spoiler]It’s a play on elemental symbols
Sc - Scandium
O - Oxygen
Tc - Technetium
H - Hydrogen
(or substitute S - Sulfur and Co - Cobalt)
Put them together, and you have “Scotch”[/spoiler]