June, no, NOTHING! (Monthly Mini-Rants)

The BBQ Pit
241

This probably deserves its own thread but I don’t want to elaborate with details so I’ll keep it vague here, but fuck the bureaucracy of the DMV and insurance companies which result in them supporting abusers. I’m taking gender out of this story, but we know this would disproportionately affect women in most cultures.

People I know, Sam and Pat, are separated and heading to divorce. Sam has skipped town and ghosted Pat, what little communication there is is going through lawyers. They haven’t seen each other or spoken directly in a year. Doesn’t matter the reasons for all this (it’s a complicated story), but here’s the situation that’s particularly aggravating me right now as I just got to hear Pat tell it.

The car was registered in Sam’s name. Pat paid for it, paid insurance, was the listed primary driver etc, but back when it was purchased, this is just what they did. Pat uses the car for work. Insurance needs to be renewed but the insurance company won’t let Pat renew/take out insurance because Sam is the registered owner and they are insisting on having Sam’s signature. Sam is MIA, ignoring multiple requests through several channels to sign the car over through the past several MONTHS.

By Sam’s complete fucking inaction, the insurance has expired and the car can’t be driven. Pat is borrowing a parent’s car, but the parent has had to postpone medical appointments as a result and it’s difficult to get errands done, etc. Public transit isn’t really viable due to Pat’s business location and hours.

So, in sum, a manipulative and abusive spouse (they are still legally wed, there’s no documentation of separation or divorce) can choose to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL and therefore prevent someone from having access to the car that was purchased together, essentially threatening their livelihood, health, etc. And the insurance company and DMV see nothing wrong with this. Resolving this in court can take months or years. Pat has resources, but so many people in much more restricted financial situations don’t.

This is one of many reasons why people stay or return to abusive situations; Pat cannot be free to live their life because Sam has undue control by simply ignoring them. Fortunately there are no kids involved, but I’m appalled by the bureaucracy and position the government and insurance agency are taking.

The mortgage is up for renewal too. Will Pat lose their home because Sam won’t cooperate and the banks won’t recognize the danger this puts Pat into of being homeless. Pat can pay; Pat is being prevented from paying by this bureaucracy.

242

A few things from grocery shopping today.

It’s a Sunday, people are doing their weekly shopping, and there’s only one full service checkout open. Everything else is self checkout (except maybe one manned 15 item express lane). It’s only when the line gets to be about ten deep that they decide to open another register.

There always seems to be someone in front of me and my full cart with only a handful of items, but they won’t self-check or use the express checkout. No wonder the line is ten deep when half of them are knuckleheads like this.

And finally, WTF is up with people who won’t put their groceries on the belt until the person in front of them is fully checked out and on their way? This seems to happen more often than it should, and I think next time I’m just going to start unloading my cart onto the belt whether the jerks in front of me have put their stuff on or not.

243

Speaking for myself, self-checkouts just hate me. I do not enjoy having to summon an overworked attendant multiple times in one transaction because the bagging area scale had a panic attack if my bag moved a fraction of an inch while I was putting something in it.

I would, of course, use the express lane in the situation you describe, as long as some jackass doesn’t swoop a full cart in front of me while “joining” the accomplice who held the spot in the express line.

244

Seems to me that Pat has multiple reasons to get a lawyer.

Sam is certainly a Grade A asshole though.

245

A lawyer is involved. It’s a “family court” issue that can take MONTHS. There’s no real path to an emergency common sense judgement on this one point.

Sam is definitely behaving like an asshole on this front. Even their lawyer can’t reach them, but there are mental health issues at play that I don’t want to detail.

The specifics of this case are a bigger rant, but that companies can’t see how damaging this situation is, is insane. Sam has insured another vehicle and there’s a call on record that they don’t care about the one in question. It’s not enough; the forms must be signed.

246

I totally understand this. The companies of course are only concerned with protecting themselves at any cost, and they don’t give a crap if it’s at the expense of the customer.

247

I will use the express checkout if I am under or at the maximum number of items. If I have even one item more, I will not use the express checkout.

I use self checkout only when I have no other choice. The machines often have problems. Once or twice I have paid for an item and accidentally left it behind while repacking my granny cart. I have poor manual dexterity and having an employee bag my groceries is faster and generally better. If the number of items I am buying is two or more, I have no reason to use sefl checkout.

I have had cashiers not realize I am a different order and start bagging my groceries with the person ahead of me. I always use those plastic divider rods if they are available. If they are not, I try to leave noticable space between their last item and my first item. Waiting as long as you describe seems excessive.

Obviously, you know a lot more about the situation than I do. But are you sure they don’t care? Or is it just that without the proper forms, they cannot actually do anything?

I’ve shared before a tragic call I had from a mentally ill woman who moved from a shelter back in to her parents’ house. She waned to apply for medical assistance. I explained that unless she was paying rent to her parents, she was technically a member of their household. I would need some basic information on her parents, even if she was the only one applying for benefits.

Her father was profoundly angry at his daughter and verbally abusive. He kept repeating that she was not a member of his household. He did not claim her as dependent on his taxes.

I kept repeating, it does not matter whether you claim her as a dependent or even that she is your daughter. She lives in your house and does not pay rent. She is legally a member of your household.

This went on for a long time. The woman and I kept hoping that the man would be moved by love for his daughter and bow to bureacracy. He never did. Without information on the parents, I could not even begin filling out the application.

Eventually, she gave up. I apologized profusely. ‘I would really like to help you apply for medical assistance. Without your parents’ information, I cannot do that. I am very sorry and do not know what to say.’

Paperwork and red tape can be like that.

248

I’m not the one speaking to the insurance company, I learned of this through one long story when I met up with Pat.

I don’t understand how one spouse cannot pay for insurance for a car registered to the other spouse without permission. The need to transfer registration doesn’t actually make any sense to me in the first place, but even if it did, this is a married couple, a car bought during their marriage, a history of payments provably made by Pat, where Pat was the primary driver. There’s no theft here. My spouse handles all the bills, but why should it be a problem for me to decide to pay one? I think it really is about avoiding liability, but where is the responsibility to not force someone into losing their job, or their home, or whatever, because of one piece of paper that a vindictive person is withholding?

I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that people have tried to set up escape routes from abusive relationships and given up because they couldn’t actually set up the resources they needed. They are stuck, or must beg and grovel or return to their abuser, who can simply trap them so easily. It’s scary. Pat had similar issues with paying municipal taxes and electricity, but the burden of proof that they were one of the owners of the property was much lower than the hoops the insurance company is demanding.

I also keep thinking of that Facebook meme…if someone calls up my insurance company and wants to pay my bills, LET THEM. Pat tried to just keep Sam on the insurance for now, and the company still refused. So the car is parked in the driveway.

Such a stupid situation.

249

Again, this is standard red tape.

Apparently none of the proper paperwork was filed. So, none of that matters.

That does not matter. As you go on to say-

It is standard operating procedure that even if somebody knows your name and account number, they cannot pay your gas bill, electricity bill, internet bill etc.

250

I was away for the weekend at an event. I showed up Friday evening wearing a nice Camp Crystal Lake jersey, A old-fashioned goalie mask & a nice, rusty machete.

a) I was disappointed when I walked up & someone was, “Hi, Spidey”. @#$%&, my reputation proceeds me!
b) Someone else was, “WTH, it’s not Halloween?” When I responded by asking them the date, they replied, “Oh yeah, it is Friday the 13th”

251

And you’re saying the judge wasn’t amused?

252

That would piss me off too.

There was one time that there was a line at the full service checkout, but all the self checks were open. This was back when the self checks were all 15 items or less. The attendant waved me over with my full cart and helped me bag as I scanned. Meanwhile the other self checks started filling up and a line forming, while here I am trying to check out a full cart. I felt like an asshole, even though it wasn’t my idea.

253

Well-played Good Sir! :clap::clap::clap:

254

Surely that must depend on how they choose to pay it. If a third party knows your account number, what’s to prevent them from registering that number on their online bank account and then just paying it via electronic bill payment as they do with their own bills?

Anyway, it must be possible because according to an episode of Newhart, Johnny Carson paid the gas bills of Larry, his brother Darryl, and his other brother Darryl. :wink:

I’m in a good mood. I’ve been postponing turning on the A/C as long as possible but today was finally just too warm and humid. And the rusty old beast, originally installed by the builder when the house was built 15 years ago, still cools like a champ even though some of its exterior housing is getting a little weather-beaten and rusty!
:snowflake:

255

Yeah, unless I’m misunderstanding something, this is exactly how I’ve been handling the cable internet bill for nearly 20 years. Time Warner refused to remove my dad’s name from the account after he died, insisting that such a change would result in a service interruption of 3 - 5 days. Changing the address on the account when I moved was no problem - they even had a tech available the day of the move, so there was no service interruption at all! They still wouldn’t change the account holder’s name though. They’ve been happily accepting my electronic bill payments sent from my checking account. I’ve been looking into Ting for internet service; I wonder what’s going to happen when I want to close the account.

256

Jealous! I just had exterior insulation added to my 86-yr-old house, and hopefully my portable rolling unit will be able to keep up with whatever global warming throws at it this summer.

257

After all it turns out that my sil is not a scheming bitch and she was correct in her assessment of my bil. Why she refused to reach out or take our calls while we were picking up the pieces of his miserable state of affairs I don’t think she’ll be easily forgiven. He otoh is a manipulative in denial alcoholic who can’t be trusted or depended on to carry out his duties as executor of mom’s estate.plus he has major health issues and refuses to follow drs orders. What a mess.

258

This kind of shit happens for car insurance and basically every other needed thing in cases of intimate partner violence. It’s an example of the number of systemic hurdles that must be overcome by someone in an abusive situation. Often it’s abusers having control over birth certificates, social security cards, medication, you name it, an abuser will try to use it to exert control over the victim. And then the victim faces a mountain of shit they have to resolve - meanwhile where are they? Homeless? Couch surfing? In a temporary shelter?

I firmly believe that the only ethical thing to do is to have legal and administrative contingencies for these types of situations. But in the meantime if Pat has access to an expert on domestic violence they can talk to someone who sees this kind of shit all the time and knows what to do about it.

259

My kitchen smells like oregano.

Still.

Yesterday I was getting the spice jar down, and somehow it slipped from my hand, fell about 18 inches, hit the countertop, the combo-cap/sprinkler thingie popped off, and dang near the entire bottle worth sprayed across the countertop and PUFFED into a green cloud that settled nearly half way across the floor.

Okay, annoying, but at least dried ground herbs are just itsy bits of vegetable matter, all dry and not oily or anything, right? Clean up will be a breeze.

Well, since then I have carefully swept the floor (some sort of linoleum-ish stuff with an embossed fake tile pattern) and then vacuumed. Then revacuumed two hours later when the room still reeked of oregano. Then washed, mop and soap just before bed.

It still smells rather like a pizzeria in here.

Okay, there are absolutely worse things a kitchen can smell like, but I’m really, really tired of it.

Maybe I need to wash the upright surfaces of the cabinetry? Run the extractor fan for some hours? What?

260

Yikes! Sounds like quite the disaster! Since you not only vacuumed the floor but washed it, and presumably washed down the countertops, I suspect the aroma will soon dissipate. “Dried” spices aren’t really “dry”, but they famously dry out and lose their flavour and aroma even inside sealed jars.

And I sympathize, because I really, really dislike lingering kitchen smells. The other day I fried a small quantity of onions in garlic butter just to add to a roast beef sub, and the kitchen stank of garlic for hours. It added a nice flavour to the sub but I kinda regretted doing it because of the stench. I finally washed out the frying pan with soap and water and put it in the dishwasher, and meanwhile had the patio door partly open even though the A/C was running. Fuck it, I’d rather pay a few cents more in electricity than have the house stinking.