I’ve always heard it as Dachshund is German for Little Pain in the Ass.
And it’s the truth!
I’ll add Zoe.
I used to have a lot of emotional problems, and I would constantly get reamed and get into fights on the board a decade ago because of it. I was constantly into it with everyone because of how I acted. Zoe was always nice to me and stood up for me. I miss her. 
Snowboard Bo, especially if we can do a field trip down to the quarry. And the other Wobblies who hang here, if we can sing from the Little Red Songbook.
Great Og!
How has nobody nominated Stranger On a Train yet? He’s got to be one of the most polymathic, erudite, and articulate among us, if not THE most, capable of discoursing intelligently and learnedly on most anything that comes to mind. I think it would be like having Randall Munroe of xkcd fame over for a chat - the possibilities are just endless. Just imagine the back-of-the-envelopes that will have been filled by the end of the evening!
Maybe that’s not 100% in line with the “porch chat” vibe, but that’s definitely MY porch chat jam! 
Oh, and if we’re explicitly forbidden from having a PowerNerd© evening and I can’t invite Stranger over, I think Scylla would be a blast. There’s somebody with a lot of stories to tell, very entertainingly. 
silenus, 'cause he homebrews. And I wouldn’t have to fly.
I nominate Wonky
I enjoy her posts. I believe she would also be an excellent conversationalist. Additionally, since I always bring gifts on my first visit, I will provide the refreshments of her choice.
I have two. I would love to sample Qadgop’s cheddar cheese hoard, with a bit of vegemite and Branson pickles on the crackers. I would also want to sample Silenus’s award-winning home brews. Ideally, both on the same porch, listening to them both. (I have a mental image of Qadgop being the straight man to Silenus’ extravagant wise-cracks.
Spice Weasel. Those sparkly jackboots frighten me just a little.
I’ve met What Exit?, Loach, kittenblue, SamClem, Elmwood, Tuba Diva and BMalion IRL, and would always be happy to see them again. I haven’t met Northern Piper in person yet, but have gotten to know him a bit in recent years through the Dope and email, and hoisting something cold and Canadian on his front porch would be nice to try someday.
You are half-correct.
You, however, have the right of it.
As for me, the majority of the Dopers I’ve met were during the previous decade, and many of them are no longer active posters. Too hard for me to choose just one Doper for this, but I’d be interested in a gathering of my fellow mods, as I’ve only met one current and one former mod to this point.
Not sure about an individual choice, but I’d like to chat with someone who has been here without interruption from the very beginning. That would be interesting!
You would be mistaken with that. Qadgop has a wicked wit. Woe betide anybody not on their toes during any conversation with him. The Earth wench Cynthia isn’t half-bad at badinage either. But I live in awe of his cheese hoard. Or is that horde?
I would like to visit ThelmaLou’s porch and chat about just about anything over a cold beer. I would also like to visit even sven just to hear about all the African adventures, but she is no longer posting here.
Can’t remember the poster’s name but that guy who has a pontoon boat. And instead of the porch we’d be on the pontoon boat on the river sinking tallboys. 
In recent weeks, both senoy and The wind of my soul have posted some “life advice” that I have found wise and very useful. So, having a long conversation with them on their porch would be nice.
And I’d also love to talk about music with Wordman and ** pulykamell**.