That’s it exactly - the stepson isn’t garnishing all the food with ketchup, he’s drowning it because he doesn’t like the taste of what’s been cooked for him.
Yup. Maybe he can use the poncho analogy with his wife to try to get her to understand why his stepson drenching everything he cooks with ketchup isn’t just a matter of taste - “I’m not embroidering any more dresses for him, because he just throws a poncho on over them anyway. He’ll get a plain coverall from me or he can make his own clothes.”
Ketchup is good on hamburgers. Not a lot, mind you, but a little bit. There should certainly be more mustard than ketchup, but a little is pretty good.
What I’m seeing is a case of where you have to pick and choose your battles. What’s most important here. I’d concentrate on getting stepson to clean up after himself and help out around the house, cook his own dinner, or, if he wants to eat with the family, be reliable and show up. The ketchup really isn’t that important and it’s useless thing to bitch about.
What’s the biggest problem in the long run. Other than offending your sensibilities as a chef, condiments aren’t going to have that big of an effect on your life, and it’s a petty thing to fight about.
Maybe he did. I think that’s allowed. This could be called the Bitch and Moan Forum.
Hmm, that’s familiar to me too. I’ve seen myself playing the victim and it’s not a pretty sight. Oh, they were doing bad things, on a minor scale (dum-dum-dum!) but I was making it far worse.
It’s not unfixable, though. Recognising that it’s happening is one of the ways to start fixing it.
Many (like 12) years ago I started a thread elsewhere asking for advice about something or other my then-GF had done wrong when it came to me and my daughter. In retrospect, that GF was absolutely terrible as a potential step-parent and some of the things she did were fucking awful even with the perspective of twelve years. But I also did some petty passive-aggressive stuff, and that helped me focus on those problems (that I can’t even remember now) rather than the really big things, and made everything worse for us all.
And some people on that thread did say “break up now.” They were right. If you’re at the point where you’re ranting about ketchup, and not in a humourous way, your relationship is dying. And the relationship was killed by both of us, not just my evil ex.
Well, you could include more other proteins in your repertoire, maybe, like beans or… I’ll stop there because surely you know this? You could cook meals that would suit you all most days. You are choosing not to.
Thing is though, the SDMB isn’t a blog. Even if you’re just venting, you have to accept that you’re going to get criticism. I think we’ve all experienced that at one time or another.
Agreed. I think sometimes people treat it as one, though, and if it’s not something they do regularly (the OP is not a multiple violator), then it’s excusable.
I’m getting the sense that Mrs. Cad, whatever her other virtues may be, raised a whiny, self-centered brat, knows that, and now expects Saint Cad to deal with her handiwork. And Saint Cad is taking it on the chin to keep the peace in the family. Where I live, that’s not keeping the peace, that’s being a doormat.
These words of wisdom may help.
(From Al-Anon Family Group’s Courage to Change, page 361.)
The sprog used to do this to me all the time. I’d make dinner, he’d piss and whine about it, and I’d wind up making something different for him. He had me wrapped around his finger and knew it, and I took it over and over because I wanted to keep the peace. Once I stopped being a doormat, food (and a lot of other things) came in two flavors: Take or or leave it, but if you leave it, you make something for yourself or go hungry. I don’t go out of my way to make food I know he doesn’t like, but I stopped planning meals that revolve around him. One nice side effect of growing a backbone is that he now respects me and we have a much better relationship.
I get it. You’re not pissed about the ketchup or even about cooking meals for a whiny, ungrateful bitch. You’re pissed about the whole situation, but until you change, nothing else will. That’s the bottom line.
When I was young, I didn’t really appreciate my mom’s cooking (even though I realize now that she’s a really good cook). She’s getting up in years, and whenever I go home, she teaches me one of the traditional family recipes. It’s been kind of fun, and good bonding time. We’ve never really gotten along, but who knows how long we have left, and so at least we have some pleasant memories.
Of course, after we’re done, she starts nagging me about the fact that she doesn’t have grandchildren. Or my haircut. Or something else. But, hey, we get a few hours of peaceful and fun interaction.
So, who knows? Maybe one day the OP’s step-kid will come back and ask him to teach him his recipes.
Yep. And I stand by it. Like I said earlier, we’ve got way deeper issues than ketchup here. We’ve got Mrs. Cad taking the side of her 23 year old kid* in a game of jerk-stepdad-around.
Either Saint and Mrs. Cad come to a meeting of the minds about getting Young Jackass to (a) take care of his own damn self, and (b) show proper respect to his stepdad, or they don’t really have a marriage. Because you don’t really have a marriage if you don’t see eye to eye about something this fundamental.
*Young Jackass is an adult under the law, and should be one in fact, but has apparently been granted permission by Saint and Mrs. Cad to keep acting like a kid indefinitely. Since YJ is apparently taking full advantage of that permission, I call him a kid. When I’m not calling him Young Jackass, that is.