Yes, folks, merry olde Eng-er-land is in the throes of World Cup fever. Every TV channel is running football-related shows. Every TV, radio and newspaper ad has some reference to football. Every pub is trumpeting the fact that they will be showing games X, Y, and Z. Every product I buy seems to have a picture of David-freaking-Beckham on it. Employers are already making plans to compensate for people taking time off work (or just not showing up) in order to watch the games. And somebody’s stuck the “Day-By-Day Match Guide” on the wall of the corridor near my desk.
So what’s my problem? My problem is that this has been going on for months now, and it’s still two weeks before the England team first puts foot to ball. Two more weeks of endless pontificating over how England might do. Two weeks of everyone from the Queen on down wishing the team well, and hoping that they all recover from their various injuries before they actually have to play some football. Two weeks of commentary on Erikson’s love life, Beckham’s foot, Seaman’s hair. Two weeks of listening to endless “official” and unofficial football anthems from Terry Venables, Ant & Dec, Fat Les, and on and on and on…
I can’t take it anymore! Why does England do this every time, only to have their hopes dashed? And why isn’t there somewhere in England to escape all this? Can’t we just take it as read that England will lose in the first round, it’s a terrible thing about Beckham’s foot, Sven did his best, better luck next time, blah blah, and move on to something else?
Oh god – I just remembered: “something else” will be all of the above applied to Wimbledon and speculation about Tim Henman, who will then lose in the semi-finals again.
That does it – I’m moving to a monastery. (After Londope on Saturday, of course. ;))