Just some random stuff.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Mostly because I’m really bored and can’t think of anything better to do. Except laundry, but I’m lazy and a horrible procrastinator.

I’m a really nice person. Lots of people don’t believe that, but I really am. I think the reason that people don’t believe that is because sometimes I’m more honest with people than they’d like me to be. I don’t sugar-coat anything, and I don’t hide my opinions because I’m afraid of what everyone else might think, simply because I don’t care what everyone else might think. And people think I’m bitchy because of that. Oh well.

I think I’m pretty. Not everyday, but some days I surprise myself by catching my reflection in a mirror and thinking, “Y’know, I have a really pretty face.” I especially like my eyes and feeling that I’m pretty, even if it’s only sometimes, is one of the best feelings in the world.

I don’t like feeling happy. I was just discussing this in chat. I let my imagination prevent me from feeling happy because I’m just paranoid enough to believe that nothing is ever truly GOOD, that people always have alterior motives, and that nothing is forever. I’m cautious like that, and it sucks.

Above all else, I’m afraid of being alone. Not necessarily in a romantic sense, but physically. I can’t be in a room by myself for very long, especially if it’s completely silent. On the other hand, people generally annoy the hell out of me. So it’s kind of a lose-lose situation.

Greg just called me. He makes me happy (as happy as I can be with all this damn paranoia). He says, “I can always count on you to make me smile.” That, to me, is the greatest compliment ever. I’m happy to know him, even if we never work up to “us”.

I want to be a better person. My status right now includes being unemployed (with more monthly expenses than an unemployed person should have), and living with my parents. My mom used her money to pay for my last car payment. I know that these facts alone don’t make me a bad person. However, I know I need a job. I’ve known that since I quit my last job at the beginning of July. Even so, I haven’t really been seriously looking. Until this week anyway, when I put in for re-hire at my old job. I hate feeling like I can’t take care of myself. Hell, it’s not even a feeling; it’s a fact.

More than just being unemployed, I’m a high school drop out. I hate it. I’m extremely disappointed in myself. So I’m going to try to get my diploma. (After I get a job. No use adding to the monthly expenses that I can’t afford.)

I’m “over” my best friend’s death. (September 26, 1982 - April 10, 2000) I miss her and I always will, but I can look at the newspaper picture of her mangled car and not freak out. I’m proud of myself because, once she was gone, I never expected to last this long. She saved my life though, so I couldn’t take that away from her. She always wanted me to be happy, so now I try. For her. And now I’m crying. How odd. I’m smiling as I remember her though, so the tears are welcome.

This post is a whole lot longer than I expected it to be. I’ve composed a few OPs similar to this one, just how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking, and what’s going on in my life, but I’ve never been able to click on “Submit New Thread”. I don’t know why.

I don’t know what my goal is with this thread. But do I really need one? No, I don’t think so. Maybe someone will get something from this, but I doubt it. In any case, this is me. This is the stuff that I’ve been thinking about lately, but couldn’t work into a current thread. MPSIMS, right?

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A rambling response

Honesty is hard, people become used to associating it with hypocrisy because a lot of people only reflect their honesty outward onto other people. You really need to carry a copy of you OP around to show people and say see I really am like this even with myself.
It’s good to see that despite the lack of faith in the universe, you still have a plan, and you know what’s required to get moving along. I am afraid I can’t help with the motivation as I am probably much better at procrastination than you, I just get lucky every so often and things happen for me.
Best of luck with Greg, ask him to go swimming in the pond/river one evening, a last right of summer sort of thing
Ok having said I wouldn’t give advice on motivation, but do try to find something you love to do, something that is just yours, even if it is currently undoable due to cost or circumstances at least it will be a goal that can pull you along through the bad times.
Oh yea, I have heard on the good authority of several other dopers and dopettes that you in fact a nice person and just as cute as a jackrabbit, err make that a bumblebee as rabbits are possible not on your cute list (you country folk still list them as vermin right :)).
I always felt that cats should be counted as people for the purposes of being alone, but hey I am a ca person, feel free to substitute spiders, wolves or porcupines at will.
On happiness, well see the above advice on motivation, I have found it more reliable to depend on myself than others, and that is really saying something.
I am sorry to hear about your friend, I would say more but I always feel awkward about these sort of subjects, I know how to react and what to say almost too well and end up caught distrusting the sincerity of my own remarks, so I will leave at commiserations, and hope you continue to remember her fondly, as that is what I would want any who remembered me to do.

Keep well
Britt

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for laying open your life and heart:
{{{{Sarah}}}}

I have no words, only good thoughts and prayers. You, as always, have my best.

…and thanks for not thinking I’m a scumbag.
:slight_smile:

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Cute as a bumblebee ?! I think rabbits are cuter. :slight_smile:

Thanks for the advice, Britt. It’s a little too cold here to go swimming anymore, so we went to the casino instead. We won some money and had some fun. He’s my best friend and I can’t wait to see him again.

Hi scu-- Err… poohpah chalupa!! :wink:

As always, thank you for your thoughts.