Whats wrong with me? Im 30 years old and Id rather sit alone in my aunt’s basement than go out and live life. I’ve been this way for quite a few years now but it’s just getting out of hand. I’m losing relationships left and right, going to jail and I could care less. there are some days I just wanna get hit head on by a bus so I can collect a check and not worry about shit the rest of my life. My marijuana and beer intake just keeps going up and I tell myself its the only way aI can actually enjoy life and go out and do something. I dunno where this is going just wanted to get this off my chest and see if it helps any.
You kind of care, because you’re saying it. Anyway, drinking and smoking a lot can cause that or at very least make it worse. See if you can only drink and smoke socially.
And go to a doctor or counselor if you can (if you don’t have insurance, there are still some resources available). Sounds like you’re depressed and self-medicating.
You’re clearly depressed. Your best option at this point would probably be to go see a doctor and figure out how you can get started with some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It sounds like you could use some substance abuse treatment as well. I also highly recommend this book which uses behavioral activation to treat depression.
Of course, all of this assumes you want to make a change. I’m guessing it matters to you because you started a thread about it.