life

The BBQ Pit
1

Sometimes, life sucks.

I was talking to various people on AIM. After determining that the majority of them have a social life and friends, I set out contacting everyone on my buddy list to determine who was as pathetic as me. Out of 18 screennames, only 2. Only 2 are staying home tonight. Only 2 are not going out and doing something with friends. 2.

And I hate them. I hate them. They have fun, every fucking night, every fucking weekend. And I don’t. I sit at home in front of this shitty computer and browse websites that I stopped caring about years ago while I am depressed. And I think about how I am not having fun, how I have a grand total of: 1 fucking friend. 1. And he is a dumbass who has no desire to leave his house at any time. Unlike me.

I hate those people who have more fun than me. Who have friends. Because I don’t, and I see them, and they’re having fun, and I’m NOT HAVING ANY FUCKING FUN. I go to school, sit with some people who barely/don’t know me, then go home and type away on the computer. FUCKING BORING. FUCKING UNFUN.

And more than them, I hate myself. I hate myself for not having friends. I hate myself for not being able to make friends. I hate myself for being a wuss and never being able to talk to people. I hate myself because it’s my fault that I’m in this shitty situation.

Sometimes… life fucking sucks.

For clarification: No, I’m not suicidal. I’m just stunningly depressed and socially phobic.

2

Maybe they’re lying. Maybe they’re really staying at home too, but make up stories about their exciting lives.

I used to be the kind of person who had to go out every single night, but I found out that staying at home can be just as fun.

And if you want to go out, go out. I used to go out frequently by myself when I couldn’t find anyone to go with. And I usually ended up talking to someone else alone, and having fun. If you are a gloomy person, no one will want to talk to you.

3

I picked up on two terms there: “depressed” and “socially phobic”.

This is kinda like trotting out a cliche around these boards, but – have you seen anyone regarding counselling? Talked to a doctor? This isn’t sayin’ you’re nuts (hello, I’m a depressive, a prefer-to-be-at-home-in-front-of-the-computer kinda person myself, only I don’t have social phobia).

It’s easy to rail at everyone else perceived to be havin’ more fun, more of a “life.” Th’ challenge is doing something to make your own life better.

4

Why yes, I have talked to a doctor. 20mg of Paxil a day.

5

And just that? No counselling? Any discussion on ways to cope with your phobia, or make it more manageable?

6

Have you considered drinking?

7

Hey you could add me to your AIM list then you would have THREE! people on your budy list not going out this evening.

Of course, I would end up boring you to tears or try to draft you into the cult of Osip :slight_smile:

Anyway, my AIM for those who are bored is Osipmand

8

Talk to your doctor again, get him to give you a counseling referral. You could use at least a few sessions to help you through how you’re feeling. Especially if you used to feel numb and then the medication lets you start having emotions again - if a flood of negative emotion comes in, that could be very difficult to cope with. Also, a counselor/psychologist/etc. could refer you to people who might be able to deal with anything else bad going on in your life (grades/finances/whatever).

If you’ve been on the Paxil for several weeks without significantly better mood changes, tell him you may need your dosage/med type changed. If it hasn’t been that long, hang in there a while - the stuff takes some time to get your neurochemicals adjusted.

9

If you meant anything stronger than water, Rhum Runner, that wasn’t a very helpful comment. Alcohol is never the solution.

10

Well, I wouldn’t say never. Appletreats is having difficulty getting over his social phobia, and you know what they say, Beer: Helping ugly people have sex for over 5000 years. Sure, it is more of a college dorm room poster than words to live by, but there is a grain of truth in there too. Maybe Apple would feel less awkward after a gin and tonic or four.

Well, why don’t I just leave now. Best of luck to you Appletreats don’t take my advice to seriously, and I hope things get better for you soon. Life can be pretty rotten, but it can be pretty damn wonderful too. Smell the flowers, while you can. :slight_smile:

11

Oh, good grief.:rolleyes:

12

Although it wouldn’t have been the first suggestion out of me, what Rhum Runner refers to are alcohol’s social lubricant effect. Probably not what our friend the OP needs to be looking to in the immediate near term, but nevertheless effective for some folks when confronting social anxiety.

Tricky stuff, though.

13

Sounds like my friends. They do nothing all weekend, occasionally when they are feeling adventurous they play rummy with thier parents. woo
Our nights out on the town (friend and his brother) include a 9:00 movie and a see you next time. Yay.

I need new friends.

14

Thanks for that, Ringo. I guess I’m a tad over-sensitive on the alcohol-depression issue, with some I’ve seen in my life going down the fast lane to their own personal hell along that route.

But, while alcohol may be a “social lubricant”, it only cloaks some of the basic reasons for social anxiety, social phobia etc. And, in some individuals, only serves to spark off more problems to either deal with or fade away from. Not something I’d be recommending, even in jest.

15

I have a lot in common with you appletreats. I’m depressed and (incredibly) socially phobic myself. I am socially phobic to the point of being agoraphobic. My father is in the medical profession and one thing he stresses more than anything else is that drugs alone don’t do a whole lot of good. I went 15 years before I got diagnosed because I hid it well and now my doctors (yes, that’s plural) are having a heck of a time helping me overcome this as it’s been more than half of my life. I wholeheartedly recommend going to, and staying with, a therapist. University pays for mine so I’m lucky. No matter what you have to do, go to, and stay with one.

As far as trying alcohol to get over your social phobia is concerned. Don’t. I found myself on any number of narcotics a few years back trying to get over my social phobia and have ruined parts of my memory. Luckily I don’t have an addictive personality at all so quitting it was no problem but I know that I am in a small minority.

16

hi, i am glad you posted this, cause i almost posted something just like it.

i also don’t have people to hang out with. no one. and i just moved to the suburbs so now i really don’t know anyone. and i don’t have any idea how to get out there and meet people (having a baby and 4 year old in tow doesn’t help).

but sometimes i end up comparing myself to my sister, who is extremely social, knows everyone in her town, and always has company. depresses the hell out of me.

i would just like to be able to call someone up to go shopping with, or to the park, hell, i’ve almost made it to church just to meet people.

my only real friend right now is my SO/father of the kids. however we barely see each other due to work shifts and if we are together, we can’t go anywhere, cause i don’t know anyone to sit the kids on our side of town.

so, sorry, hope i haven’t hijacked, i just wanted to say i totally understand. making friends is difficult. other than work and school, i don’t know where to start. bars just give you drinking buddies. i am done with school. i work odd shifts where i am often the only person in the building. oh well.

hey, if you’re in atlanta (anyone?) we should hang out.

17

I’ve been there. Damn, have I been there. Years ago, I could have written pretty much exactly that same OP. That was pretty much my situation (with a heaping helping of sexual frustration thrown in as well). And I still get to that state sometimes, though I no longer live in its capital city. I sure as hell don’t have The Answer, but for what it’s worth…

I don’t think drugs or counseling are the answer. At least, when my life has been lonely and empty and no fun, I didn’t want to change how I felt about my situation; I wanted the situation itself to change! The depression was the symptom, not the problem. What I needed (and still need, to some extent, though I’ve made a lot of progress) is social skills. I needed to learn how to have fun, to make friends, to connect with people, to make arrangements to go out and have a good time.

If you’re at home alone, feeling bored and miserable on a Saturday night, it’s probably too late to salvage that particular night, unless you already have places you could go or people you could hang out with. Going out somewhere by yourself might raise your spirits a little, but it might also leave you feeling more depressed, seeing all the other people out with friends having fun.

It probably works best to make plans ahead of time, when you’re in a relatively good mood. Think of something you like to do, or somewhere you’d like to go, or something you might like to try. Invite someone else to go along with you if possible, but if not, think of something you could do by yourself and still have some fun or at least learn something.

Also consider joining some group or getting involved in some organization or organized activity, as a way of meeting people or having social (and other) activities to participate in.

There’s a lot of “vicious circle” quality to your situation (as you probably know). The hatred, anger, and frustration you feel, toward yourself and toward the other people who seem to have what you crave, is something I can certainly understand and sympathize with, but it’s not going to make other people want to be around you or make you want to be around other people. Anything you can do to nurture sympathy, love, or a friendly attitude toward other people, and toward yourself, would help.

There’s probably more I could say, but that’s enough for now. I’ll stop by this thread again later, or e-mail me if you want.

18

Don’t do it! He’ll either have you cutting individual letters out of newspapers for the composition of haikus to the wonder of Osip or building a shrine in the closet.
It’s dangerous I tell you, dangerous!
Actually you can pop me on your AIM too - I’m not always on (school is hell), but I’m Lsura73. I’ll talk, anyway, even if it’s random babble.

19

Ok, I really want that job… how much does it pay?

20

That’s just what boring people say.