Since we’re trotting out clichés, let’s give this one a go; “If you want a friend, be a friend.” Do you ask people to do stuff with you, appletreats? Do you try to strike up conversations with people in situations throughout the day? It’s a really well-kept secret, but every one of us feels alone and lonely most of the time - and most people appreciate other people taking time to talk to them and show interest in them. Once I figured this out, my social interactions have gotten a lot easier when I realized most people appreciated my effort in talking to them in a boring situation, and didn’t pass too many judgements on how strange or uninteresting my conversation might have been.
Oh yeah, and you know those boring things people always say to each other in social environments? Things like “Some weather we’re having”, stuff like that - what they actually are is human code for “I would like to talk to you, and I’m open to you talking to me too”. I figured this out in my thirties; if you’re younger than that, I hope I have saved you some time.
Seriously, though. Is there a pub in your neighborhood where you’d feel comfortable going in for a couple of beers, by yourself?
It’s a good start to learning that you can go out by yourself, and eventually meet people. Go in, order a pint; chances are an opportunity will present itself. If it doesn’t, then you can sit there and read the paper or something. But hey, at least you got out of the house.
Pay?? Why would I want pay for something as delightful as that.
I get paid with titillating conversation and the wonders of being able to contemplate the mysteries of Osipism whenever possible.
Damn right Boshibo, I had a friend who was and still is a virtual prisoner of his tyrannical parents, yet made everybody believe he was the life of the party, did this did that, you know, what normal people did, BUT then he had to keep lying and make more fantastic stories about his life to keep up the act, eventually people saw him as a joke, a suckup, a user and a extremely selfish person to be around.
Eventually stopped being his friend when he said he had a safe of a lot of money in his bedroom wall and a secret tunnel under his garden.
appletreats, if it’s any consolation, I was in exactly the same situation when I was younger. As time went on, despite my social phobia, I managed to get some good friends who I enjoyed going out with. Gradually, the phobia faded.
I like hearing these success stories as it gives me more confidence that the condition can be tackled and eventually overcome.
And a great quote to remember as well.
‘You can only love others if you have love for yourself’
I’d go with joining some school groups or take a social dance class. I did that one year with my friends and everyone is really social so we would hit the salsa clubs and practice but its a fun way to meet new people and leave a class and hang out with some new friends.
