Things have been going pretty well for me lately. I have a good job that pays pretty well. I recently moved to the city, something I’ve always wanted to do. I’m not exactly where I want to be in life, but I can get there with a little effort from this point. So what do I have to complain about? Something I hadn’t cared about in a long time: love.
I had a dream this morning about a girl I wish I could forget. She was the last person with whom I was in a real relationship. It brought back old feelings from when I had something I haven’t been able to replace. You may be thinking that this was a recent break-up, but it happened over 4 years ago and I haven’t talked to her at all in about a year. It’s funny how one little dream can throw things for a spin. So I’ve been trying to figure out what this means. There’s currently a girl in my life that likes me, but I’ve been trying to stay distant from her. I thought it was because I didn’t want to get into another long-distance relationship (yeah, the girl I dreamed about lived far away too), but today I can’t help but wonder if I’m over the other one. All I really know is that if we hadn’t been seperated by such a vast distance, I think we’d still be together. I’m not sure if I let go of the only thing that could truely make me feel complete, if the gods smote me and I never had a chance, or if I just haven’t found the right person to make me forget those feelings.
I know you guys don’t care about this shit, but I really needed to vent a little to get it all out there and I don’t want to tell anyone I know. Hopefully tomorrow this mood will have passed and I’ll be back to the way I was yesterday. Life can be a bitch sometimes.
I have to say, you seem to be overreacting just a touch here. Life is a bitch because you had a dream about someone you used to date and you’re pining a bit? Yeah, I would say you are feeling a little melancholy about your old relationship because you don’t have another one yet. Shake off the dream and go find a girlfriend, if that’s what you want. Trust that the other relationship ended because it was time for it to end. And for the record, I don’t believe there is only one true love for each person. I believe in a spectrum of love, with many people within your spectrum of good mates.
… and sign up for a dating site, like www.match.com or www.okcupid.com or something. I persuaded a friend of mine recently to try it. At first she was reluctant, but then she tried it and met a couple interesting guys. It sure helped her getting over a few unsuitable relationships she was considering going back to.
You’re thinking like you do because you don’t see an alternative. You think: either I go without love, or I go back to, or start another, LDR. Either are not pleasant alternatives. So get another alternative.
You’re probably right. It just put me in an extreme mood that I haven’t felt in a long time and will hopefully pass quickly. I may wake up tomorrow and realize how ridiculous it is. On pretty much any other day for the past few years I would have said I don’t really care about being tied down. Today I felt like I have everything in life except what I really need. Damn, I feel like I’ve taken an estrogen pill or something.
I know exactly why it ended, and I live no closer to her so things are still the same. Logically, I know that. Unfortunately, there’s that voice in the back of my head that says, “You fucked up years ago buddy. You’re going to die lonely.” That bastard needs to leave me alone. (Can you tell I’m at least feeling a little better now?)
Yes, I do too. I’m not one who believes in that destiny stuff. However, what if you met someone that you thought was more compatible with you than 99.99% of the people out there and after 2 or 3 years of being together, it ended because you couldn’t fulfill each other’s needs from hundreds of miles away? On average, you’d have to search through 10,000 people to find someone just as compatible. And unfortunately, I tend not to be compatible with many people plus I’m highly anti-social. I got dealt extra brains but I’m short on social skills and beauty. (Hell, if I had a choice, I’d keep it that way anyway.) Oh well. I bet it’s starting to sound like i’m whining, and I don’t want to go down that road.
I’m already on the latter. I’ve met a few people, but they’ve all been well outside my area. There aren’t many people from my area on there. I don’t exactly live in a densely populated area. I do have prospects in the area, but I feel like I’d be sacrificing compatibility to get with them. Oh well. I just need to stay focused on things I have control over and hopefully the things I can’t control will fall into place.
Again, I hate to whine. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed I suppose and needed to vent. I’ll get back to my old apathetic self when these damn emotions go away.
It does kind of sound like you’re feeling sorry for yourself that your life is turning out this way, but from where I’m sitting, it looks like you made choices that have put you where you are, and I’m sure you have good reasons for all of your choices.
Oh, as for the idea that you need to search through 10,000 people - that’s poppycock. And balderdash, even. You meet people you’re compatible with when you meet them, and being on a dating site and meeting lots of people increases your chances way over staying at home and expecting them to knock on your door. I met my husband through loveataol.com - neither of us were big daters, and I think I would have waited a realllllllllly long time for a compatible partner to just stumble into my life. And if you do need to search through 10,000 people, good thing you’ve started.
As I expected, I’m pretty much back to normal today. Now that I’m rational enough to think logically about it, I just hadn’t experienced deep love in years and forgot how it felt, and then experienced it again in the dream and missed it severely. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, it’s like if you had a close friend or relative die. Several years down the road, it probably won’t bother you that much, but if you have a dream about them, it can drag up those emotions and make your day miserable. I’ve slept since then though so the feeling has passed back into obscurity. I want to respond to some things anyway.
I’m not sure how to respond to this, except to say that it’s a combination of choices and luck that has led me here. I was upset about some of the choices yesterday, but they were probably for the better. Still though, no one has made me feel like that girl I dreamed about, and I’m not confident anyone will, but as the Italian song goes, che sera sera (whatever will be will be).
Well… 10,000 may have been an exageration. Still though, let’s say the person was only a 99% match. You’d still have to search through (on average) 100 people to find as good of a match. That’s still pretty difficult, considering you have to get to know the people pretty well to know how they stack up. Those dating websites can help by presenting the information to help you decide if people you haven’t even met might be well-suited to your taste, but I checked last night and OkCupid only lists about 10 women with profiles in a 50 mile radius of me. That makes me want to move to the big city more. I did see one though that interests me and there may be people who look without making a profile, so who knows… I just wish I didn’t have odd tastes.
You meet people you’re compatible with when you meet them, and being on a dating site and meeting lots of people increases your chances way over staying at home and expecting them to knock on your door. I met my husband through