Last Thursday, I had a date with someone that I thought could possibly be THE ONE. Well, not THE ONE, but still, fairly close. We met at the dog park the previous Sunday, I gave her my number, and she actually called! She’s cute, funny, and disturbingly intelligent … we were actually discussing North Korean politics for a bit, among other things. (No, she is not a student of the Juche idea … traitor!)
However, there’s one big red flag that she bought up. This is part of the curse of elmwood … she led a wild, fun life, up until a year ago or so. Now, though … two letters, J and W. She’s a recent convert to the Jehova’s Witness.
She really, really, really likes me, too. There was a click … some rare mutual chemistry. There’s that damn red flag, though, and of course, with those two letters comes some strict morals. Yeah, she drinks alcohol and wears pants, we kissed on the first date, and she didn’t express any sort of shock at my Unitarian Universalist mindset. However, I’m thinking that …
It’ll be a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time before I get any nookie, and
Somewhere down the line, she’ll try to convert me.
Anyone else here ever date a JW? If I pursue the relationship, what should I expect?
BTW, please don’t suggest “convert her!” I find the idea of converting someone who may hold fundamentalist or unpopular religious beliefs as despicable as the conversion and witnessing attempts well-meaning born-again Christian folk make on me.
Although I am no expert in JW’s, she has already demonstrated a bit of freedom…so, if you play your cards right, you may be quite surprised. After all, she is a relativley new convert, not a life-long follower.
I have dated many people of other strict regimes, such as muslims, catholics (in catholic countries, not liberal US), and even hindu.
I have learned that it is all in how I play the game, some may have been virgins prior to meeting me, but one thing they all shared in common, was their enjoyment of our physical pleasures.
But the key may be taking your time, play it cool, be “honest” and “sincere” or at least pretend to be, and if you have the skills, the prize is yours for the asking.
I was married to a man who was raised Jehovah’s Witness. During the course of our marriage, I began to realize thru conversations we would have that he had always had doubts and questions (which were a no-no in that religion).
So you may discover that she has those same doubts and questions. Besides, a truly devout JW will usually NOT date someone who is outside their congregation or “denomination.”
WARNING: I have been led to believe that they are encouraged to marry the first person they “date.”
Thanks for the comments. I don’t know what I’m going to do quite yet, but reflecting on things, she seems to have more red flags than a May Day parade. The one that has “JW” inscribed on it seems quite large, compared to the others, but still …
Well you are right on one- at my church they def did not date too many people outside
But you are wrong on the part about being encouraged to marry the first person they date spoken as someone raised as a witness
If your very set in your belifes and do not wish to loose them, explain them to her. She may understand, however the difference in religious belifes will forever be a stone impeading your relationship.
I’ve dated an ex. Jehova witness for over a year.
She is a wonderfull girl, but even now 5 years after she left, she is still affected by their whole way of though e.g. sex is dirty and to be avoided.
However your particular girl does not sound as comitted as those I’ve met - she drinks and dates outside the church, kisses on the first date etc. that might be a good sign of her not being totally “brainwashed” yet.
I can’t tell you what to expect, but if she where really serious about the JW thing, I doubt you’d get far without one of you changing belifes first.
I went on a date with a Venezuelan girl and she asked me when the last time I was on a date was (the correct answer was last night) I told her last week. So we were talking more and she told me I had to stop dating other people. I wasn’t really into the other girl so I was like, ok I’ll keep going with this and see where it leads and asked if I would have to stop being friends with her. She said “Well I’d have to meet her.” at that point I was like, umm no, I’m not dating you. Ironically I talked to the other girl I was dating and called it off with her that night after the date.
However the point of this story is that in situations such as that there may come a time when they demand things of you that you aren’t willing to accept because of a religion/culture/bad previous experience, or whatever. For me in this case it was demanding committment on the first date.
YMMV, but for me the Jehovah’s Witness thing would probably be a deal killer. Then again, my view that religion is the training wheels of spirituality would probably be a deal killer for her.
I’d say give it a chance, but make sure both of you know what the ground rules are. I nearly married a Catholic years ago, and we had a marvelous time discussing religion. One thing we both knew was neither of us would try to convert the other, even though there aren’t that many differences between the Episcopal Church and the Catholic Church. Our religious beliefs were important to us and we respected the differences. As I’ve mentioned a few times here, one of my closest friends is a Wiccan. Since he also used to be a Fundamentalist Christian, we’ve had wonderful discussions of religion, but in the early days of our friendship, these conversations were frequently punctuated with “Now, I’m not trying to convert you.” Once we got the fear of conversion laid to rest, we had tremendous freedom to talk about anything related our respective beliefs, and I’ve learned a tremendous amount from him.
I’d say go for it, but talk to her, and establish the ground rules, explicitly if you need to. Who knows? Both of you might find yourselves learning new things. On the other hand, if she won’t accept a “No conversions” clause, you might be better off without her.
I think that if you both develop a passion for the other, you’ll have plenty of incentive to work out religious differences. IMO, finding true love with this woman is no more unlikely then with a woman of another faith, or no faith at all.
Most early-dating relationships don’t start out with as much good stuff as the two of you seem to have in common. You said there were other red flags?
(a) It’s just dating. If you’re seriously interested in seeing somebody to have sex, put out a personals ad.
(b) You can do a whole lot worse than spend your time in the company of someone cute, funny, intelligent, and who (I’m assuming) shares your interest in dogs… you have stuff in common and seem to enjoy each others’ company. Even if it never leads to sex, she sounds like she’d make a great friend.
My husband and I agreed before we got married on a few things-
I did not try to convert him(i’m not much of a witness anyway)
He could celebrate Christmas, but I drew the line at him telling our future darlings that santa claus was real(not becuase of religion but because i don’t don’t think its right to lie to kids)
I never made him go to church with me
The stories I am hearing related in this thread are funny to me because it seems like you have all met the Witness from hell™
Even I have met the W.T.H- but they are by no means the norm.
She’s a person, not a religion. Get to know her, find out how big of an issue any differences are. How much of her faith shapes her self? How much of that would she want you to share? How incompatible so you find those beliefs?
I have a good friend who is a JW and another woman I work with on a committee was raised one (and is married to a non-JW spouse). They’re normal people. Very smart. Centered. Nice to know.
I’d stick with her for a few dates, just to see where it goes. I once dated a girl who mentioned on out first date that she was a devout Catholic and didn’t believe in pre-marital sex. This was unfortunate, as she was really hot. However, I was pleased to learn two dates later that hot, naked, hours-long manual and oral sex apparently doesn’t count.
I’d agree with this if she were raised as a Witness, but she converted. That means that her religion had better be very important to her. I know personally I could never be with someone with whom I had such a fundamental conflict, and given that he asked the question, it sounds like elmwood can’t either.