Well, I found out that K wasn’t fucking anyone. She told me she wasn’t and I believe her 'cause she was pissed that I asked*. I mean really pissed. It is kind of funny (in the baseball to the groin kinda funny where I am the guy getting hit) because she came back with ‘Don’t you know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t do that to you or anyone?’ among other things.
Yeah, babe, you certainly proved your honesty and trustworthiness.
Slee
*Phrased thusly: Do I need to go get tested for STDs?
So: please go get tested for STDs, code Blue.
She’s had three plus months to rehearse this speech. She’s long since convinced herself you’re a beta loser who’s an affront to her by the mere status-lowering act (from her warped perspective) of being her BF. You do understand, don’t you, that she’s “pissed” at you because you no longer make her loins tingle, and to a woman, that’s a capital crime? Right?
You may not have any STDs. But are you really willing to believe that she dumped you in favor of . . . nothing? I kind of feel like you’re better than that, and I kind of feel like that happens about as often as a monkey lets go of branch one without knowing where he will grasp branch two.
I kind of feel like you were dumped in favor of (1) something extant; or (2) something on the horizon. Either is consistent with her contrived outrage. One is consistent with your needing to get tested.
You’re talking to her why BTW?
All said with concern for you, BTW.
If you ask my mother whether she eats a diet appropriate for her medical problems, her answer will be an extremely offended “of course I do!”
That doesn’t mean it’s true, it means that she’s got 70 years of practice lying to herself.
I didn’t talk to her about this, I emailed her regarding other stuff that must* be taken care of and asked the question in the email. Dumb? Probably, but there ya go.
I believe her but, you know, it doesn’t really matter. Once all this other shit is taken care of, which will hopefully be by Tuesday, I won’t be talking/emailing/contacting her at all.
I have an appointment to get tested anyway.
In other news, I feel like total shit. Work today doesn’t help as I am in by myself with basically nothing to do. Plenty of time to obsess, which is bad. Then there is the whole starting over bit. I’ve been there and done that (the recovering alkie bit was the worst) and it sucks. I know I can do it but, man, I really don’t want to. I know what is ahead and I am just not looking forward to it. I’ve been trying to get a shrink appointment through my insurance but I can’t seem to concentrate long enough to get through all the damned voice menus.
Slee
And whaddaya know…? It wasn’t. :mad:
Bummer, what happened?
I am getting more and more convinced that women just suck.
Slee
It’s hard not to adopt that attitude in your situation, but I have a friend who basically decided all women were evil after his wife went psycho on him. Don’t do that to yourself. He was a miserable person for a long time. You don’t want to be that guy.
There’s still a lot of great women out there (many of them on this board andyou’reallwelcomeforthefreeplug) – don’t give up on them.
You are right. It is just the more I find out about my ex, the more I am convinced that a) she used me b) she lied from the begining and c) she is nuts.
In that email of hers that I read (and since deleted, I don’t need to read it again and get all freaked) the Ex said ‘I am not responsible for your feelings’ which is pretty damned cold considering that she lied to me for months. I don’t understand someone who can, after lying to someone for months, come back and claim that they are not responsible for the feelings their lies caused*.
I am really starting to believe that my ex has a serious empathy problem. There is something wrong, that I totally missed, about her. Her actions are so cold and uncaring that it just blows my mind. She kept saying I was a good man while she purposely chose to use the most devestating method to break up with me.
Oh well. I got a shrink appointment next week and am going to A.A. meetings nightly.
Oh, and the silly woman wants me to package up the rest of her mail and a cell phone and mail it to her. Yeah, right. Like I’d do anything nice for her at this point.
Slee
*What I do with those feelings now is my responsiblity. But she sure as hell is responsible for creating the damned things.
Wow, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. There are bad apples in every bunch (men, women, pick a group - any group) and it sounds like you got a major baddie. I can’t think of anything else that hasn’t already been suggested. Hang in there.
Ya know, man, this really sucks for you, and I hope you start to move on soon, (though I know it will be tough going for a while ) but if it were me, I would go ahead and mail all her shit (cell phone, mail, etc) back to her as requested.
Why keep anything tying you two together? Clean break, and no looking back!!!
She is getting her stuff back. I am leaving it at my front door. She has been instructed to pick it up while I am at work. If I come home and it is still there it is going in the trash. She knows this. She also knows that she is not to come while I am at home.
Once that is done there will be no more contact. I emailed her and told her that this is her last chance, after this anything I find of hers is going in the trash.
While she treated me like utter crap, I will not become a dick just to cause her pain. I am better than that.
Slee
Not to intrude on the woman-hating party here but–well, I will. As a woman, comments like this really surprise me, because almost every man I’ve been with has cheated, lied, and deceived. Lately I cannot find a man who wants to be monogamous–they all seem to think it’s cool to sleep with whomever they want to, to woo women with their charm and then, once they “have” them, sleep with them and run the other way.
Where oh where are the men who want to be faithful and who are not afraid to love and be loved? It sounds like some of you are that way. Whoever you end up with will be a very, very lucky woman, if you are really the way you seem to be.
Take it to a new thread.
Personally, I’m trying to find a smart woman with a head that’s grounded in reality and has a lot of respect for herself. Someone like this. She seems to be on the trolley.
Sorry man. I am the official grim reaper of relationships, or so it seems because every one I know is breaking up. And I have felt the whole “all men are evil and they suck” before.
So grab a diet coke and sit here on the couch and we’ll both suck, uh, together. Well, that doesn’t sound right, does it?
Also, sorry jjimm. That is such a bummer coming on top of the last relationship.
The woman hating party will be short lived. I know that most women aren’t like my ex. Heck, I didn’t think my ex was like my ex.
I have never cheated on a girlfriend. I’ve had chances but would never do that. I don’t lie (well, except for the little white lies like ‘No, honey, dinner was great!’). I believe monogamy is right for me, though if others choose to have open relationships that is their business.
In the past I did have a lot of one night stands but they were mutual, no lies about the future were told. I am past that now and just want a good woman whom I love and loves me. I thought that is what I had.
Bummer, huh?
To make life even nicer, my desk chair just broke 
Slee
“Unresolved feelings for [her] ex” who she dumped for me. Possibly. I’ve learned not to take breakup explanations at face value either. Then again, one of the problems with rebounds is sometimes you don’t think they’re rebounds until you’re well down the line.
She’s asked me for an unspecified amount of time to deal with it and then she’ll be in touch, maybe, but experience indicates that it ain’t going to make any difference, and if she does get in touch it won’t be for positive reasons. It’s a damn shame; we are intellectually compatible, had a fantastic time when we were together, and are clearly very physically attracted to each other. But it was an LDR and the ex lives in her city, and while he sounded like a bit of a loser, and the relationship she had with him sounded unfulfilling, it would certainly be an easy thing for her to revert to if she finds maintaining a distance thing too much effort. And no doubt her dumping him gave him a kick up the ass to mend his stoner ways and get her back.
Also she’s the second one to dump me right after saying “I love you” for the first time. Is this a trend?
Thanks for the sympathy, ShelliBean.
Sorry for the hijack.
There’s a sentence in Spanish, “dime de qué presumes y te diré de qué careces,” tell me what do you boast about and I’ll tell you what is it you’re lacking. Sometimes what you lack is the opposite of what you boast (you are “very direct”? you lack tact); sometimes it is the thing you’re boasting about (you are “very sensitive”? no, you are a selfish git who doesn’t give a hoot about other people’s feelings).
“I love you” doesn’t mean “I’m trying to convince myself that I love you.” But when people come up with something that’s completely unexpected and out of character, too often it means they’re boasting what they lack
Better luck next time, I hope.
<cringe>
While my situation isn’t identical to yours, I’ve been hearing that exact phrase a lot from my wife, too. I’m sorry, man. That IS bs.
Yes it is BS. What suprises me is how callus she is about the whole thing. She says she still cares for me yet pulls this kind of crap. It is mind blowing how much she either lies about what she thinks or how deluded she is. Not sure which.
Since we never fought, got along well, never ever yelled or screamed at each other and I never hurt her I just don’t know what to think other than that big ol’ empathy section of her brain is broken.
There is something wrong with someone who can act this way for no good reason.
On the bright side, the meetings are doing me a lot of good.
Slee
:: Tips the Diet Dr Pepper at ShelliBean :: Feel like a pity party?