Well, not 10 seconds ago i got off the phone with some honors student who can’t seem to comprehend the multitude of buttons on his phone.
“Hello, is Katie there?” said a pimply voice
“No” i said, grating my teeth “Katie doesn’t LIVE here”
Now, I’m usually a pretty chilled out guy, but this event is hardly isolated. For about 3 years now people have been calling for Katie, and it’s gotten so I can recognize the voices of 2 or 3 of Katie’s dumber friends. At first I didn’t mind so much, I mean, after all, people misdial numbers all the time. I do it my self, and when I do I appreciate the good nature of those who redirect me.
Lately, however, it’s been getting ridiculous. So, I’ve been having a little fun with these folks. The basic idea is to get them to hang up and redial, as I’m pretty sure her number and my number are only one number off from each other. Feel free to try a few sometime, I have used these and found it very liberating.
“Hello, is Katie there?”
(Begin singing “Barretts Privateers” very, VERY loudly. Don’t stop for anything.)
“Hello, is Katie there?”
“Just a sec!” (Loudly, off the phone but so it can still be heard) “Katie, it’s that guy you said might call…. Yeah, he does sound like a loser… Hahaha, yeah…. He DIDN’T…. Wow, and EVERYONE knows about it?…. Jesus… Poor bastard…. Ok, I will…” (Back on the phone) “No, I’m sorry, she’s out, can I take a message?”
“Hello, is Katie there?”
“No, she’s DEAD (begin sobbing)”
“Hey, is Katie around?”
“Oh, her folks took her and all her friends down to the Caribbean for the break… I guess she must really hate you”
“Is Katie there?”
“That depends, have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?”
“Hey, is Katie there?”
“ohhh, i see… they didn’t tell you about that thing…”
“Is Katie there?”
“That depends, have you accepted Satan as your personal savior?”
“Hello, is Katie there?”
“FUCK YOU GRANDMA, LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“Is Katie at home?”
“All work and no play makes Katie a dull girl, all work and no play makes Katie a dull girl….etc etc”
“Can I talk to Katie?”
“No”
“Hi, Katie?”
“Hey, Sarah?”
“……Is Katie there?”
“……Is Sarah there?”
“Is this Katie’s brother?”
“What are you wearing?”
“……WHAT?”
“Is Katie there?”
“KATIE, IT’S LOSER BOY AGAIN”
“Is Katie there?”
“Is Katie there?”
“…Is Katie there?”
“Is Katie there?”
“Can i speak with Katie please?”
“Can i speak with Katie please?”
“Is Katie home?”
“Are any of us?”
And, since we got Caller ID
“Katie’s Herpes Help line, are you itching or burning?”
I just felt like sharing. I’ve got a hell of a lot of time on my hands right now and I’m getting bloody sick of these folks. Any ideas on new ways to answer would be great, i’ve been running out of ideas.
Upham