I have been cleaning up the house this weekend and getting the rest of my soon to be ex wife’s things ready to return them to her. Most of it is just stuff that she didn’t take, or doesn’t seem to care about. Legally everything in the house is now mine, but I don’t want these things and don’t want the hassle of getting rid of them.
I did find one thing that she might want, a letter to her from her great grandfather. If was just thrown into a box that had both of our things in it. Normally I wouldn’t think twice and give it to her, however, we have two children and I’m the family historian. I have the ability to keep it safe, in a protective sleeve and in an archival box. She, nor her family, are really that interested in their history and since the kids are so young I have no idea if they will be either.
I’ve already made a scan of the letter so I do have a copy, but it didn’t come out too well for some reason.
So now I’m torn, do I give it back to her and hope that it doesn’t get lost. Do I keep it and keep it safe, and if I do keep it do I tell her or not tell her.
I’ll be giving her stuff back tomorrow, or at least giving it to her parents since her place isn’t big enough.
If she truly doesn’t care and you do, I would keep it. It belongs to your kids as much as it does to her so just keep it for them. That means of course that you can’t do anything with it except archive it or give it back if it ever come up but that shouldn’t be an issue. Some people don’t care about historical documents at all and they shouldn’t be in charge of them because they will just get lost or ruined over time.
I think ethically, you should give it back. But fuck that, in this case, I’d say the ends justify the means. I say keep it.
This comes from a bitter father who’s pissed at his ex-wife for losing all those hours of video we had of my son from out of the womb to about age 4. Grrr!!
I did scan it a few times. I tried it as a photo as well as a document, I think it’s the ink and paper combo that’s giving me the problem. I’ve scanned plenty of other letters without problem.
Shagnasty I wouldn’t do anything except archive it. The one option was a joke. I’ve already put it into a mellinex sleeve. I also know that most people don’t care about their family history as I’ve gotten a lot of stuff from my aunts and uncles that they would just throw away. Hell my family cleaned out a basement full of stuff from my great aunt’s house getting rid of who knows how much history.
Truth be told. I’m actually pretty good friends with my ex. But still, I knew her propensity for losing shit and I let her keep them anyway. I regret that.
I think you should offer it to her. You have reason to believe she may want it, she never knowingly gave it to you or the kids. You can say that you have it archived and you’d like to keep it safe with the rest of the family records to pass along to the kids, but if she still wants it anyhow then she can pick it up.
Have you tried photographing it? You could also try taking it to a print shop and seeing if their equipment will do a better job of capturing it.
I vote that you should ask your ex if you can retain the letter in your archives for your children, and give it back if she says no. It’s a little different to many typical archival documents, as it is a letter to her personally. I don’t know her but I think something like that may hold more sentimental value than other types of family documents and even someone mostly disinterested in family history might take care of it.
If you told your ex that you wanted to keep it safe for your daughters, would she be cool with it? I am sure your daughters would appreciate being able to have the letter someday. But if the ex-wife will not allow you to keep it, then you should give it back. At least you will have a copy for the girls, even if it is not good quality. Then, if they want to ask their mom for the original someday, and she does not have it, then your girls will know how much family history means to their mother.
ETA: It is also a good idea to type out the contents of the letter so you have the full digital text, so that it remains readable far into the future, no matter how often it’s copied.
I agree with nyctea scandiaca. If you’re the family archivist, you presumably have some kind of a file or scrapbook for your children. Let your ex know about it, get her input and keep copies in the family file for the kids whatever is decided.
When I was with my ex, I did some genealogy on his family. When we split, I gave copies to him, but I also kept copies in scrapbooks for my stepchildren, which were given to them as adults. Win/win. The work wasn’t in vain and they had copies of some of their family history.