You beat me to it.
If I want something to stay a ‘secret’, I don’t tell anyone. There aren’t a lot of things in my life that have truly been secrets, though, and none really involving me personally.
People talk about other people. So do I, unless someone tells me something in confidence and really makes it clear it’s not okay for me to tell ANYONE. I am able to keep totally mum in these cases.
It’s “Three can keep a secret, when two of them are dead.” I believe Benjamin Franklin said this.
Another proverb is, “Your friend has a friend; don’t tell him.”
If I want something to stay a secret, I tell nobody. NOBODY. I won’t even speak it out loud even if I’m alone nor will I write it down.
The trade-off of being a private person is that family members become resentful and send you on guilt-trips. What, you don’t trust me? I’m your <fill in blank>! If you can’t talk openly to me, you must not love me!
So I made the mistake of giving in to the pressure. I confided in a family member because I felt if there was someone who I could talk to, it would be them. But I wasn’t thinking about this specific person–with their known history and personality traits. But rather their “role” and the shoulds that I had assumed went along with the relationship.
She blabbed. I think it was unintentional and she did apologize. But I learned an important lesson. Don’t be guilted into being more open than you feel comfortable, especially if the secret doesn’t involve them in any way. You’ll probably regret it later.
(And also, if you must tell someone, do not tell the most talkative, extroverted person in the family! And just because this person confides in you all the time does not mean you have to reciprocate.)
If someone starts off the conversation with “you can’t tell anyone this” I’ll tell them my husband is the exception and please don’t tell me if that’s not ok. On a rare occasion if I hear something first and then get asked to not share it even with spouse I’ll generally honor that although it’s annoying.
I don’t tell him everything but he’s my go-to guy. If I’m hearing something really disturbing or need to bounce ideas off someone then I need him.
If I tell a secret, I assume someone will blab.
Women have Secrets, Men have Honor
I don’t like secrets. A girlfriend once shared a secret with me. I loved her and so I never told anyone, even after she and I had a falling out. Years later, we briefly reconnected and I told her that I had never shared her secret and that I was proud of myself for it. I said it half joking half serious, but she was very offended. She was of the opinion that keeping a secret was nothing to brag about.
So then I felt bad for feeling good about it.