Okay, anyone could make a mistake and accidentally end up married to Britney Spears. I’m not going to hold that against the guy. The important thing is that he chewed off his leg and made his escape. And thanks to Britney’s recent escapades, K-Fed’s been looking relatively sane. But some people just won’t learn from their mistakes.
According to the gossip rags, Kevin Federline is dating Paris Hilton.
And Britney is hooking up with Kato Kaelin.
“He’s just so centered and mature, he’s a great father figure for the kids. Like, when he took Jayden out to get his first tattoo, I knew I could totally trust him to not light up until after he’d made sure the guys at the parlor knew exactly what we wanted. I mean, when Kevin would take Sean out, I never knew what he’d end up with. This one time, Sean came home with a heart done on his back with “Janice” written under it. Who’s Janice? Yuck!”
No, not really.
God, I hope he marries her and they then die in some bizarre injuring involving using gangsta hand gestures and plastic surgery. Then we can stop the entire Gun Control Debate-NewsWhoring over the VT Massacre and get on with some proper display of grief over this tragic, tragic loss.
No amount of reason and logic can convince me otherwise, but I still maintain that Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Federline (amongst others) are actually Agents for the Government whose sole purpose is to detract from the Real News Stories.
Where can Federline go from here? Assuming that K&P don’t go the distance and break up, who’s left for him to sink any lower with?
Let’s predict Kevin Federline’s next ten relationships:
1 - Nicole Richie (on the rebound to spite Paris)
2 - Mary-Kate Olsen (they’ll break up after she realizes he thought he was dating Ashley)
3 - Pamela Anderson (they’ll break up because she’s too classy for him)
4 - Tara Reid (an attempt to avoid the mistake he made with Pamela)
5 - Lindsay Lohan (because everybody’s slept with her)
6 - Jenny McCarthy (they’ll break up because he doesn’t get her jokes)
7 - Katie Holmes (she’ll be trying to make Tom jealous)
8 - Tom Cruise (two can play at that game, Katie)
9 - Courtney Love (just when you think he can’t get any lower…)
10 - Anna Nicole Smith (…he’ll find a way)