Guess what Inigo did for Memorial day weekend! Not one, not two, but THREE kid birthday parties! Woo Hoo!
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and I hope they cherish the memories of each of these infernal events. But Jiminy the things just get out of hand, and somehow they end up taking all goddamn day. Party at 1:00? Well ya gotta make sure all the gerbers and froo froo are packed, kid chow, candles, junk food. Got three of my own little demons to round up & get into the car, then co-orchestrate the event on the fly so as to keep the kids from getting bored or blown away. And all the while my Nazi ex spazzes out about, “I should have gotten real food for the parents instead of just the fresh organic fruit (prepped & purchased by Inigo) and juice (mixed & iced by Inigo) for the kids.” Inigo: “Fuckit, they’re adults, they can survive days without food, 2 hours on fresh fruit won’t kill 'em.” Ex:“So & so knows we’re seperated, she probably thinks I’m a total slut.” Inigo: “No…not a total slut.” Dirty look from the ex. Dirty look right back.
My best friend said it best: “No dads want to spend their weekends at B-day parties. We would all rather do something else. If men were in charge, B-day parties would be small family affairs that did not torture other dads (women do not understand the ways in which we are considerate of others).”
What–invective buried to deep for your prehensile tongue?
Helpful guidelines. It’s admittedly a judgement call.
And for your information, nothing is too deep for my prehensile tongue! [sub]Unless it’s more than 18 inches deep, in which case it is.[/sub]
While admittedly not a dad, I can’t stand birthday parties either. If it’s not your kid, you go and stand around and make uncomfortable small talk with other parents that you either barely know or can’t stand.
If it is your kid, you feel obligated to make sure everyone has a good time. Yeah, I suck at that. I don’t really like other poeple’s kids, and mine annoy the heck out of me when I get them sugared up.
So instead of parties, my kids each get to bring a friend and we go on a trip. This last one was a train ride to Marine World. Sure, they were all still annoying, but there were only four kids and two parents (a friend of mine) to herd them around, and then we got to go home without having to clean up a disaster area. Works for me.
Yup. Sucks, it does. My youngest’s birthday was Friday. Aside from the logistical nightmare of her birthday being centered around a holiday every year (all her friends are out of town), she’s a social butterfly. Which in other circumstances is wonderful; I’m very glad she has so many friends. But she wants to invite all of them, and I am not made of money. Since she homeschools and so rarely sees them, though…I feel obligated to give her the party she wants. This will be the last year she gets anything other than a sleepover party (which also has its downsides…10 screeching, giggling, up til 4 am 12 year old girls, half of them with crushes on my son. Need I say more?)
This year’s big bash was held here. I told the parents they didn’t need to stick around; have a few free hours on me. I’m hoping one of them will return the favor eventually. 
I dunno.
I have successfully hosted ( without any other parents) parties for my two kids individually with a gaggle of children.
If you do it right, make it a two-three hour window and save the cake for last so that the sugar buzz hits as they are walking out with mama, it is all doable.
I’m with you. Birthday parties are the Devil’s own entertainment. A bunch of overstimulated kids; wired on sugar; arguing over who gets the blue flower from the cake; not to mention the kid who doesn’t like (or can’t eat, or whose parents won’t let them eat) what you’ve got; kids who pitch a flier because they didn’t get any presents; parents who’d rather be somewhere else; and the parents of the birthday child who have to amuse five kids plus parents for two hours, in addition to planning, shopping, refereeing the above arguments, and trying not to erupt into a major argument themselves.
Aaron’s birthday is two months from today. I’m bringing cupcakes and an activity to do at daycare, where I don’t have these problems.
Robin
I’m not crazy about birthday parties, but my kids will only go though this phase once, then they’ll be teenagers and won’t want to know me. So I don’t mind doing things like that with them. My oldest and I are going to a Nationals game Sunday, so I get my fun, too! 
Gah! Thanks for reminding me. TWO sleepovers in addition to the parties. Sat & Sun nights.