Kids are fine - I'm OK

Hi all! Just letting everyone know what’s going on. The kids are back home with me, and have been doing great, from what I can tell. They seem to be dealing with the loss of their mother in a healthy way. They’ll talk about it in a matter of factly way, without sounding depressed. Diana, the 7 year old, will open up and talk about the evening that she died (both children found her before I got home), but after awhile, she’ll say “I don’t want to talk about mama anymore”. Not in a sad or depressed way - just in a matter of fact sort of way. Then she’ll go back to playing, and acting normal.

This is what I’ve found from what the children are saying. Apparently both John and Diana walked into the bathroom at the same time, and found mom doubled over in the tub. The stopper had been pulled from the drain, but Diana say’s there was about a foot of water in the tub when she found her mom. Diana says that it was mom who pulled the stopper out of the drain. So, apparently she tried to drain the tub, and either had another of her epileptic seizures (my first guess), or perhaps it was something related to her surgery, or maybe she simply slipped and fell, knocking herself unconscious - regardless, she apparently drown before the water could drain from the tub. Both kids say that they tried to pick her head up out of the water, but she was too heavy. After that, they laid on the couch and waited for me to come home.

We’re still waiting for the official autopsy report to be released. Until then, I can only guess that it was one of those three things.

As horrible as it all seems, Diana and John seem to be dealing with it OK. Please keep them in your prayers. They may seem OK for right now, but who knows down the road. Her teacher say’s that she doing great in school. I understand that most children, after losing a parent, will do poorly in school, but such is not the case with either John, or Diana. Let’s hope and pray that it stays that way. Her teacher, and also the school counselor feels that she does not need any counseling. I find that pretty amazing. I will seek counseling for all of us anyway.

Thank all of you wonderful people for your thoughts, prayers, and kindness. I’ve posted something on Cristi’s tribute site. It took me a long time to get to the point where I could post anything. She looks so beautiful in that picture, and it just breaks my heart everytime I see it. There is a link on that site to her Live Journal, which has her writing some very unfavorable things about me - I wish that could be removed from the site, since many of her family members have been looking at it. Other than that, it’s a beautiful tribute.

Thanks again to all!

Timothy J. Lamb

Thank you for posting about how you and the kids are doing. I don’t have any useful or eloquent words, so I’ll just wish you all well.


Thanks for updating. I’ve been thinking of the kids and you frequently. I’m glad to hear you all are taking it as well as you are. Know that there is a whole SDMB family here who are concerned and willing to help out.


Timothy, I’m so sorry for your loss. Being fairly new here, I only read a few of Cristi’s posts. Even so, I recognized what a special relationship she had with the kids.
I was a pediatric ICU nurse for several years, and an adult trauma nurse prior to that. In that time, I learned that kids grieve differently then adults. They are often very insightful in recognizing what adults expect of them.
Keep them talking. Children have little control over their lives, so they may take on imagined control. When a significant person dies, kids can be buried in guilt. Most often for reasons we would never dream. They have “magical thinking,” in that, they believe something they said or did caused the death. The fact they found Cristi, and they couldn’t do anything, could cause unimaginable guilt.
Children are more likely to hide their guilty feeling more than adults. So again, keep them talking. Ask questions about what they think and feel. Try to make them understand they are not responsible.
I hope you will keep in touch with the us at SDMB. Keep letting us know how you and the kids are doing.

Keep posting here.

You also need to take care of you --you need to vent/confide in others.

You are among friends here, & the SDMB is a good place to open up.

It’s shocking to hear the details. My very best to you and the kids. I think of them every day.

You and the kids have been very much in my thoughts since Cristi died. Thanks for the update.

Cristi said some unflattering things about you in her journal, yes, but she never hesitated to mention what she saw as good things, either. She knew how much you love John and Diana, and she said so often.

I’m sorry Diana and John had to experience that.

Take good care of each other. And should you need anything, please remember that our friendship with Cristi extends to her family. There are those of us who will help any way we can.

I’ll second what picunurse said. My stepkids lost their mom last fall, and they’ve both been thru a lot of ups and downs about it. My stepdaughter handles it better than her brother, but then he was the one who discovered his mom in her apartment.

One thing he struggles with is seeing the vision of her over and over. I’d recommend that you keep an ear out for worries about that; and re-iterate the part about the kids thinking they could have done something to save Christi.

Come back to see us when you can. :slight_smile:


All my continued best wishes and prayers to you, Diana and John.


Thanks so much for the update. todd33rpm and I are keeping you in our thoughts. Cristi and I corresponded a few times, and I want you to know that she spoke very highly of you–your dedication to the kids, your character, your talent.

Easy by slow, friend.


You and your kids seem to be handling this horrible tragedy as well as can be imagined. I’m pretty sure neither my kids nor I would hold up nearly as well. Our prayers are with you.

Due to business, I missed the earlier thread, but I wanted to pass on that you and your kids can be quite proud of Cristi. We corresponded a bit, a year ago, about my marriage. She was insightful, helpful, and compassionate. I suspect you are the same, also. I wish I could offer you the same talents at this horrible time. If there is ever anyting I can do for you, to partly repay what she did for me, I will gladly attempt it.

Tim, please hold onto that thought of getting the kids someone to talk to. Here is a website that may have some resources that can help you.

Most hospice programs have grief programs that are free and have the added benefit of being a place where the kids can go and talk to kids their age who have lost a parent. This can be very healing for the kids even when you think they are too young to fully understand the impact of things.

You and the children continue to be in my thoughts. Please continue to keep us updated.

I’ve been thinking of you all and praying. I’m glad to see the children seem to be coping with this fairly well. I’ll keep praying for all those that knew her, and loved her, and mourn her. Though I never got a chance to know her, I can see by the legacy she left that I’d have loved her too.

Thank you, Tim, for updating us on how both you and the kids are doing; I appreciate it, as I’m sure countless others do.

Tim, I’m glad to hear that the kids are doing relatively well for now. You’ve all been on my mind, too, lately. It was a very complex situation and you and Euty (Patrick) have both maintained a tone of civility and grace though it all. What a wonderful tribute to Cristi.

Thank you for the update, Tim.

The kids are important to us and you’re important to us. Keep us informed about things, no matter how trivial they might seem.

We’re here to open up to.

Our best,

Ric and Kathy (cadolphin)

I have been keeping you, Diana, Tim and Patrick all in my thoughts and prayers these past few weeks.


Thank you for the update.

If you need something, an afternoon off, some laundry tackled, whatever, I’m 50 minutes away. Cristi has some other friends in the area (some of them aren’t on SDMB anymore but I can speak for at least one of them here) and I know they’d extend the same offer. Let us know.

Thank you for the update. ((((trag-o-caster)))) (((Patrick)))) ((((Diana)))) ((((John))))