You probably have done this already, I saw it in an old email, but some friends and I were talking about it. It’s titles of children’s books that were never published. Examples are:
“Bi-Curious George”
“Mommy and Daddy Divorced Cuz You Were Bad”
“You Are Different and That’s Bad”
“Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games”
“Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets”
“Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence”
“The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables”
“The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy”
“Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will”
“How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School”
“Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear”
“Strangers Have the Best Candy”
“The Little Sissy Who Snitched”
“Some Kittens Can Fly!”
“Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her”
“The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!”
“All Dogs Go To Hell.”
“The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking”
“What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?”
“Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?”
“Daddy Drinks Because You Cry”
There was a thread on this about a month ago. Incidentally, that list is from the Style Invitational contest in The Washington Post about two or three years ago. I bet the paper and the people who wrote the winning entries really wish that they could get royalties from all the E-mail messages that they’re quoted in.
And the one everyone wishes Wendall Wagner’s parents had bought for him, the “No One Likes the Annoying, Rain-On-Everyone’s-Parade, Teacher’s Pet, Try to Turn Everything into an Argument/Scolding, Holier-Than-Though Poster” Little Golden Book.
Do you actually like reading the same thread over and over again? Isn’t it at least mildly irritating to you to have someone quote an E-mail message that’s been passing around for years that they think is tremendously original? O.K., so perhaps I have a low tolerance for boredom. Teacher’s pet? Hardly. Think of me as the kid who sat in the back of the classroom goofing off because the teacher had pitched the content of the class at such a low level that I was constantly bored.
I recall seeing a list like this when I worked in children’s publishing about eight or nine years ago. I seem to remember it being a Letterman’s 10 Best list, but I may be mistaken. I definitely remember Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence.
But I’m reminded of all the really awful manuscripts that were actually submitted to the slush pile. We used to pass them around for laughs. Like the one about the girl who didn’t like to wash, so “to teach her a lesson” her parents just let her be dirty. Weeks went by and this kid got riper and riper until she “learned her lesson” and decided on her own to bathe.
I seem to remember another one about a kid who disobeyed and had to have all her hair cut off for some reason or another. There were many frighteningly inappropriate morality play manuscripts that were simply hilarious, and there was just no end to them. Wannabe authors (especially KiddieLit authors) are pretty funny sometimes.
Wendell, if you go back and read the OP, I admitted it was old and was pretty sure it had been done before. I put the list up for those who hadn’t seen it before. I was simply asking if anyone had any they would want to add to the list. Not everyone has been around long enough to have seen earlier versions of this thread, and if you don’t want to post to it, then DON’T be a dick and post to it, putting down other people who might find it entertaining. I’m sure there’s plenty of other threads to gain your attention.
If this thread bores you then stay out. Nobody is forcing you to read the same thread over and over again.
For a sample of Wendell’s originality and brilliance, check out Bricker Challenge #3, where he copied and pasted most of Falc’s and my answers verbatim, including multi-sentence answers, not even giving the pretense of finding solutions on his own. Number 43 is my favorite.
No, I don’t like reading the same thread over and over again. If I look at a thread and notice I have already seen the material, I skip it. Yes, it would be “at least mildly irritating” to me to have someone quote an e-mail message that’s been passing around for years that they think is tremendously original. However, in this case, BratMan stated very clearly in his OP that this was an old list, we had probably seen it before and that it was from an e-mail.
Actually, I see you as the kid who came to class for the sole purpose of watching and listening until someone made a mistake or messed up just so you could call them on it.
I don’t get bored enough with repeated topics to be rude about it. However, I do get bored and “at least mildly irritated” with posters who pop into threads just to criticize the OP and add nothing productive.
This is MPSIMS, not the Pit, so I’ll leave it there.
