I have 2 boys, ages 3 and 6. For most of the time when we are in public I take them into the women bathroom with me when nature calls.
But the 6 year old is starting to resist. He knows he’s not a girl and doesn’t want to go into the women’s restroom. If I insist, he acts all weird and keeps his eyes on the floor (so he can’t see the women) and runs out as soon as possible.
I know my insisting will meet with increasing resistance.
At what age / stage should I start letting him go alone into the men’s room?
And if the 6 year old goes into the men’s room, the 3 year old wants to too.
Help me out.
(I just saw a creepy episode of CSI in which a little firl is molested and killed in a bathroom, so the idea scared me a lot)
6 is pretty young. You would have to roll-play behavior with him. Telling/showing him he is not allowed to talk to anyone and if anyone does bother him to scream real loud. On the opposite side of this, being a female, I was once asked by a dad if I would take his young girl to the ladies room…which I did gladly, and I left my entire purse with him.
Another idea that I remember hearing on some show was to wait with him outside the mens until everyone was “out” and asking any of the men to wait just a moment for him to finish before going inside…what man wouldn’t agree to that??
In any case, you have the power of mommy judgement on your side. Use it well.
3-4 years ago a boy went into the restroom alone at a beach in CA and was raped and murdered by a sicko teenager who just happened to be there. Years ago when my boys were small like yours I let them go alone but now the world is different. Most children, will want to “go” as soon as they see a bathroom. It’s like one of those unexplainable things. Make sure they go before they leave home and then no liquids; if you can, take them to MacDonalds where they usually have those bathrooms with only one toilet and you can lock the door. I know as soon as the 6 year old says he has to go the 3 year old will start in too. They can hold it a reasonable amount of time so don’t give in every time. When I traveled in Asia I took a device that you can go in and it jells the urine and then you just toss it. Maybe you could carry one of these in the car. And reward them for waiting until they get home. No easy answers because they don’t have family bathrooms, like they have family dressing rooms at the pool. I wouldn’t let them go alone e.g. rest stops, airports, and malls until they are 12 and I was standing right outside the door. Call me paranoid.
IMHO you have every reason to be paranoid. There is just too much weirdness going on these days.
I made our son go with me until he was 8. After that, I stood outside the door and waited for him, making a mental note of the men who went in. If he was in there longer than I thought necessary, I would push the door open a little and call to him. Over-protective? Paranoid? Damn skippy I was (am).
When I worked in fast food it was not uncommon for a dad with a young daughter to come to the counter and ask for a female employee to accompany his daughter into the restroom.
I would say certain restrooms are much safer than others. After a movie lets out everyone runs to the bathroom. Fathers with their sons, mothers and daughters, uncles, brothers, sisters…it’s practically a family affair! So I wouldn’t worry in that situation. With all those people in the bathroom someone would notice any fishy activity.
BUT, for more obscure places…I would say you would want to show more discretion for a few more years. I wouldn’t trust fast food places, gas stations, crumby hotels, or supermarkets. Know where the scum hangs out and AVOID it! I’m sick of hearing stuff like that story posted above…grrr
There was a discussion on a call-in radio show about this, and a woman gave a good solution: You stand right outside the men’s room, and tell your son to sing loudly all the time he’s in there. If he stops singing, you go in.
six seems fine to me for going into the boys’ bathroom. I’m not a parent, but I’m a former 6 yo boy. If I were a mother of a 6 yo boy I might stand outside of it until he’s done.
Actually, now that I think about it, I’d be horrified going into the women’s restroom at 6 with mom. Heh. Let the little guy go in the men’s room and stand outside. You can always poke your head in if things are taking too long.
I think by 6, they should be allowed, but keep a close eye on them. (even if it means sticking your head inside the men’s bathroom. Tell the 3 year old that his brother will always get to things first just because he is older, but not any more special than he is. I’m surprised your two year old didn’t chime in though.
Keep in mind as well that, although there are sickos out there, there have ALWAYS been sickos out there and they are relatively rare (particularly the kind that preys on strange children in public bathrooms - risky behavior). Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, just that the risk is relatively low.
Avoid places where you won’t feel comfortable if your son is unescorted in the bathroom, choose places with family bathrooms or the single bathroom (door with toilet). Make sure he goes before he leaves the house and don’t let him drink the big pop at the movie and then go to the skanky pizza place. Choose busy bathrooms. Where possible have him buddy with a friend. All this lowers the risk.
My son is not yet five and already complains about having to use the “girls” bathroom. I think its worse when my husband is with my almost four year old daughter - as men’s bathrooms tend to be a little more “public” and my daughter is at the age where she likes to comment loudly on penises. He has used the technique of finding a mom with a daughter and asking her to take our daughter into the potty. Its a stranger, but moms (and dads) are usually safe (and they understand).
When my kid was a kid, I’d stand outside the door and hold a complete dialogue with him the whole time he was going. Who gives a shit if you look crazy? Better safe than sorry. But if I was in a questionable neighborhood or place, I’d let him/make him use the women’s room…even up to the age of 10.
When my daughter needs to go, my son waits for her outside the restroom if we’re all together, which is mainly to make sure she finds her way back to us okay.
Tell him he can go when he’s 7, and make sure he knows to scream bloody murder if anything is wrong.
When I’m out with my eight year old and he has to use the bathroom, I stand right outside the mens room door. If he’s taking to long, I have no qualms, opening the door a little and asking him what’s going on.
I, too, make a mental note of who’s going in and how long they’ve been in there.
Most of the time, though, we’re out as a family and my husband accompanies Nate every time he uses a communal mens room.
I’d assumed he didn’t want to see his mom’s genital area. If he learned some notions of modesty about one’s genitals/the concept of “private parts” and who can touch them/etc., I guess I wouldn’t be surprised about this. I know that when I was a kid (and I’m female) around that age, was wandering in the YMCA locker room trying to find the way to the kid pool, and happened upon a naked woman who was changing in the adult area, I mostly averted my eyes out of modesty/respect concerns for her.
Wow, I never realized how big an issue it is, nor how scary. I think that’s because by the time my brother was a preschooler my Dad did most of the shopping etc with us if we were only going with one parent, and I was old enough to use the ladies room myself by that point. The world isn’t getting any less scary, is it.
You know, this is a real issue, and it applies to locker rooms at the Y, too. And, of course, there is more than immediate physical safety. Sometimes, small children can’t reach the soap, towel dispensers, what have you. I have two girls and three boys, although the youngest is now 8, but I never really did find a good solution.
The problem with the singing and talking loudly suggestions is that a child doesn’t have to be too shy to refuse. Also, who can sing while, eh, performing some toilet functions? I escort my boys. With my girls (twins), I always had them paired up. Usually there was a mom or grandmother around to help out. (One of the nice things about women going in groups is that the odds of two or more sickos in cahoots is really small.) My wife stands outside waiting for the boys, and worries.