The level of hysteria about molesters who supposedly haunt public restrooms waiting to prey on male kiddies has been reinforced - by that noted guardian of the public welfare, Dear Abby.
First, DA advised mommies to stand outside the men’s room door and loudly announce their presence (to deter the sleazeballs who undoubtedly are within). This apparently was nowhere near good enough for some mommies, who wrote in to protest, like Vigilant Mom in South Carolina:
*"As a mother, I think that the advice you gave Lisa will give her a false sense of security and put her child in danger.
I would have told Lisa that before they go anywhere, she should make sure her son goes to the bathroom at home. If he has to go while they are out, she should go to the men’s room, knock on the door and announce that she is with a child.
If there is no answer, go in and be sure no one is inside. If she’s uncomfortable doing it, ask an employee to check. Then wait outside the bathroom. If a man needs to go in, she can explain the situation.
Never assume that standing guard outside the door will deter a molester. They couldn’t care less."*
Great advice, Mom! What are you going to “explain” to men needing to use the john? That they need to hold it until Precious is done in there? And how nifty that you’re making Baby Snooks go at home before venturing out anywhere. Except that young kids, uh, tend to need to wee a lot, so that’s going to be one unhappy child if you attempt to keep him from using public restrooms. Maybe that explains some of the cranky, noisy kids we see out in public, gradually turning blue while Mommie gabs away on the cellphone or looks at her 500th pair of shoes.
I ran into one of these hyper-protective mommies one time at a restaurant, pacing up and down in front of the men’s room door. I could tell she wanted to stop me from going in but didn’t have the nerve. Instead, as I walked in she shouted “Mommie’s right here, Bobby!!!”. Boy, that put me off my game, I can tell you. :rolleyes: I was tempted to reply (in my deepest basso profundo) “That’s OK ma’am, we’ll take good care of him.” I’m glad I didn’t though, because she probably would have come charging in to protect her nestling.
Vigilant Mom also had this gem for Dear Abby readers: “Children have been violated in a matter of seconds in the play areas of fast-food restaurants with the parents right there.” Oh yeah, no doubt this is an everyday occurrence in Amerika. And if you see someone dressed up as the Hamburglar near your kid, kick him in the crotch just to be on the safe side.
If you’ve gotta go out with your sprog in public, Ma and he needs to go, you can wait near the men’s room door, and that should deter all but the hardiest of molesters (you can tell who the remainder are by their hairy palms and foaming at the mouth). Stay the hell out of the men’s room yourself, and (on behalf of Mrs. Jackmannii) keep your male post-toddler out of the ladies’ room as well.
Or just stay home, locked behind the door of your panic room. And look out for Dad. You never can tell what he might do.
