Something Wildest Bill said in another thread got me wondering. In my opinion, it is kind of weird for men to use the women’s public restroom, but it doesn’t seem as weird for women to use the men’s. (I’m talking occasional use, probably because the opposite sex’s has a really long line or something - not habitual use just because one sex “likes” the opposite’s restroom better.)
I don’t think, however, that a man using the women’s room because he has a young daughter with him is weird. I mean, if I went into a women’s restroom and saw a man, I would think, “uh, what is this guy doing here?” at first, but if I then saw that he had a young daughter with him I would just think, “Well, where else is he supposed to go?”
I wouldn’t think there’s anything at all strange about a women with a small boy using the women’s room, but I would think a women using the men’s room just because she has a small boy with her is strange.
(Just to make this perfectly clear: I am talking about small children who are too young to be allowed to go into the restroom alone.)
So, persons with small children of the opposite sex: what do you do when you’re out with the kiddles and there’s no opposite-sex adult with you?
Female, I took my son into the women’s room all the time when he was little. Of course, I think it’s radically different, since in women’s rooms have all stalls, vs. men’s rooms with urinals (or so I’m told )
At my local pool, the kids go into the locker room that their attending parent would use.
It was a bit odd this last weekend. A little girl, about 4, was freaked about getting undress with me nearby. I looked away, but she was still whining to her daddy.
Female, I still take my five year old son into the lady’s room with me if we’re out and there is no male family member to take him to the little boy’s room. I would imagine the situation would be worse for a man, particularly if he wasn’t the little girl’s father. Between the ages of 4-8, I’d say that a little one is too young to go into a public bathroom alone, but too old to be comfortable for the opposite sex to be in the stall with them. I can just imagine what my brother does when he takes our niece out - I have this hilarious mental picture of him hanging out by the stalls, waiting for her to come out and some little old lady hitting him over the head with her bag.
Speaking of, how old is old enough to let them go into the restroom unattended? All my friends seemed horrified when I let TinyTot go into the boy’s room at the local elementary school by himself at the age of 4…seems Ophrah says that they should be 12!!! Of course, Ophrah is like God to most of my friends…Personally, I’m thinking 7 or 8 is more reasonable.
As long as there is no back door on the restroom or anything, can’t the child go by themselves at about 4 or 5? Granted, I’m not there yet, but I seem to remember being very proud of myself being independent around that age.
Are we worried about someone grabbing or touching them in there?
I really hate the fact that we parents even have to THINK about this shit…
I think I was using public restrooms solo from the age of about 5 on. I think that’s old enough to let a kid go by themselves. If they can do it at home, it’s probably safe to let them do it elsewhere. I would lurk outside the door of the men’s room if it was my son, though, so he could call me if he needed any help. When I was a security guard, I had to go into men’s restrooms on a regular basis, so I have no qualms about charging in there if necessary. Younger than that, the kid’s coming with me into the ladies room.
Different for men with little girls, though. Men’s rooms are vastly different places than women’s rooms, I’ve know. I seen. If I was a man, I might not want to take my little girl into the men’s room, social stigma aside, just because it can be so nasty in there. But, how often is that actually going to be an issue?
Most of the time I think I would just scout inside the men’s room first and if the coast was clear, take her in. Otherwise, I would scout the ladies room and go in there. I might even ask a nice-looking lady to help out. I’ve been asked to help out in such a situation, and if it doesn’t petrify the child with embarrassment to be watched-over by a stranger, that could be a viable option. As long as, as EJsGirl said, there was no back door or anything.
There was a case where a little boy went into the restroom by himself, with his mother waiting outside, and he was murdered inside the bathroom. Sorry, I can’t remember all of the details, but it was on Oprah. To be honest, I am concered about the possiblity that such things could happen, but I am also concerned about giving my son a sense of independence and the confidence that brings. At five, he’s just now starting to feel funny about going into the women’s restroom, but I think I’ll wait at least another year before letting him go into the men’s alone.
Then again, at the local elementary school, they let kindergarteners go back and forth from the classroom to the bathrooms unattended. There were a couple of little girls in my niece’s class last year who were just petrified to go by themselves, because they had heard their mother’s talking about that case.
I don’t have children, but I have taken little girl’s into the ladies at the request of the man they were with.
This brings to mind the “60 Minutes” story on the teen-ager who took a little girl with him into the men’s room, then raped and killed her. Why do people assume the man (or woman) is a parent? More importantly, why don’t people teach their children to scream their heads off if a stranger takes them anywhere?
Dad here. I am so glad my daughter is old enough to go in by herself now. Most of the time my wife was along, or there was a single seat unisex bathroom. I did happen to me when my daughter was close to 5 and she just had to go at a Wal-Mart. It was way to busy to take her into the men’s room and we had to use the Women’s room. I did get a weird look from a lady walking into the bathroom. I felt really weird just hanging out, it seemed my daughter took forever to go.
I’m female with a 3.5 year old son (and an 8 month old daughter) and if we’re out, generally I take him into the ladies’ room. More places have “family” bathrooms now which is nice to avoid the quandry!
I think he would have to be 5 or so before I would let him use a public restroom by himself - at 3.5 he still has some trouble getting his pants back up by himself .
The 60 minutes episode was in reference to a little girl getting murdered at a Las Vegas casino bathroom by a teenage boy IIRC. He was sentenced to life w/o parole, I think and there was a big uproar about his friend who watched the whole thing go down, did nothing to stop it, and wasn’t prosecuted for anything. Very sad.
–tygre, whose main beef with restrooms is the lack of diaper-changing facilites in the mens’ room, so she gets stuck changing the baby!
That’s a very good question, Annie. There have been times when I’ve been out with my niece, and have had to drag her away screaming things like “You’re not my mother. Stop touching me.” God, I was scared to death that the cops would be called on me, but not once has anyone questioned me or called the authorities. The kicker is, not only does she not look anything like me, but she’s another race.
I’ve always taught my kids to scream when somebody scares them, and not to stop screaming til somebody helps them. Those girls I was talking about earlier, the ones that were scared to go to the bathroom? We only found out that they were scared, after I found them in the hallway, tears silently running down their faces. Poor little angels were petrified. I just hope that if god forbid anything happened to them, they would would be able to scream and make themselves heard. Poor little angels were petrified.
Dammit tater, I hate those stories. I just had to run downstairs and hug the baby for no reason…
I remember the Vegas thing. Of course, we tell ourselves that it happened because the child was unsupervised in a casino at 4:00 am, so it could never happen to OUR child.
But it could. Sometime I really hate the world we live in.
Oh, EJsGirl please don’t let this get you too down. The majority of kids, even in America, grow up happy and unharmed. The most you’ll probably ever have to deal with with EJsBaby is the sheer embarrassment of s/him poking his head under all the partitions while you’re trying to whiz and say “Hi, Mommy peeing” to your stall-neighbors. Parenthood is sheer joy, it is!
Plus, we were just talking about the bathroom. That should be a happy discussion!
When my boys were little, I took them into the womens washroom. I don’t think that they started going to the mens washroom alone until the oldest was 6 or 7. I feel that the womens washroom is a little better since everything is behind closed doors, so to speak. No urinals. Now that I have little girls, I shudder to think of them being marched past the urinals by their dad to go potty.
I do prefer the family room, which is generally great for little ones going potty, nursing mothers and changing diapers. I wish more places had them.
I always took my girls to the boys room. I never thought to use the women’s restroom because I thought I would be arrested or something.
I was really embarrassed for them so I always covered their eyes until they got to the stall and same thing on the way out if there were dudes in the restroom.
Interesting question. I always took both my sons when they were small into the ladies restroom, unless my husband was with us, but he usually wasn’t. Luckily, DJ, was 4 years older than Billy, so that while DJ kept going into the women’s room till he was about 6, Billy got to start going to the men’s room a bit earlier, since DJ was always with him.
It would be interesting to know how many women WOULD have been upset if they saw a man accompanying his young daughter to the women’s restroom. I might have been startled, but as long as I saw he had his child, I would never have said anything. It’s not like we’re running around nude in there anyway!
This seems more of a problem for men than for women. I took both my children with me into the ladies room. When my son was about 6, he absolutely refused to go with me.
I spent many anxious minutes loitering just outside the men’s room. I did not care that I got all kinds of strange looks from the men going in and out. I mean I would stand right at the entrance sometimes holding the door and yelling, “Are you done yet?” and “How you doin’, kid?” just so he’d answer and I’d know he was alright.
That’ll teach the little snots to be embarressed to go into the bathroom with his mom.
Also on the Oprah show: once she went to various playgrounds in the middle of the day and interviewed a mothers about this. Each mother said “of course” and were very serious. But while Oprah was distracting the mother, a female staffer would talk to the child and walk away with him or her. Needless to say, when Oprah revealed this, the mother was embarrassed and no doubt frightened.
Is it that that kids just can’t understand that the situation is dangerous?
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