Yes, but Luna, the question is not “is spanking a good idea?” It’s “Should legislation be introduced to ban spanking?” There are many, many things which are iffy or bad, but not illegal. Certainly I would never say that spanking is the world’s greatest parenting method, but that doesn’t mean that it is child abuse and should be illegal. (I would call your experiences abuse. That isn’t ordinary spanking.)
no and no
The government should have no saying in how I raise my kids unless they are planning to pay for the consequences of their legislation.
That said, here I sit, untraumatized after many a spanking.
My boy (the girls is still too young for that), I pat on the back of his hand when he purposely defies me in a way that puts someone in danger. I always call him in a low voice and have him come to me and stretch his hand for me to hit. Then I make sure he tells me in full sentences why I did that. The effects last for a month or so, before he does that same thing again.
No and No.
I was beaten as a child - stripped naked and striped with a switch from my ankles to my neck. That is abuse and it is illegal. It also caused my mother to change jobs to be able to get me away from her sister and brother-in-law, with whom I was living and who beat me.
My mother occasionally spanked me but not often; she learned early that restriction worked much better.
I don’t have kids and don’t intend to, but I don’t think there are hard and fast rules for parenting. Unless the state is going to pay for the upbringing of your children I don’t think they should have the right to tell you how to raise them. I know of a few kids right now that a few swats on the bottom when they were younger might have made a world of difference. But the parents didn’t believe in spanking and it has taken some jail time to teach these kids that the world doesn’t work like Mommy.
Because this line of thinking has come up a couple times in this thread, I’d like to point out that just because parents don’t spank doesn’t mean they don’t discipline. The kids you know (and the ones mentioned up thread) did not go awry because they weren’t spanked; they probably had problems because they did not get any or very little discipline in general.
Sorry for the hijack - it was bugging me.
No and no.
I was spanked occasionally when I was growing up. Sometimes my parents had to do it, as a last resort, to get my attention and to show me that there were painful consequences to continued disobedience. Now my wife and I have three boys, ages 10, 7 and 4, and we will occasionally spank them under pretty much the same circumstances. Always with an open hand, on the bottom, and never with a board, ruler or other object, BTW. As they get older, less and less is necessary.
I love my boys more than words can say. And I’m firmly convinced that a little spanking, where appropriate during early development, will over the long run ensure a child’s good behavior and respect more than any amount of talking, reasoning and haranguing ever will.
If a child is about to run out into traffic, or about to stick their finger in an electrical outlet, then yes…it should be a swift, painful punishment to make them remember.
Children are conditioned by their parents. One of the biggest problems with kids is lack of consistency with parental guidance.
For instance, when little kids continue to throw tantrums, they know at least one of the two parents will eventually break down and give in…thus tantrums continue so spanking isn’t going to help. (That same child will not throw a tantrum alone with grandma because they have learned she NEVER gives in.)
The same goes with grounding a teenager - which is better; grounding them for 3 days because they didn’t clean their room, or grounding them until the room is cleaned? Guess which gets faster results.
Basically, punishment should fit the crime - and spanking usually is done by parents who have allowed the situation to get where it is by not being consistent - and are now acting out in anger.
Cite? I can only speak anecdotally, but I was spanked as a child, but only when it served as sufficient reinforcement to deter whatever behavior or action I expressed that was counter to what was expected.
It was not out of any deep-rooted “anger.”
I never said it was “deep-rooted” anger. And I also gave examples - where a child was about to do something life-threatening, and where spanking would be an appropriate, and necessary, deterrent.
However, sometimes it (physical punishment) is done in frustration by a parent who wants a behavior stopped. Usually, it is behavior that the parent has not been consistent in dealing with over time - sometimes they ignore it, sometimes they just scold, and sometimes they spank…in other word, they are inconsistent.
A child is not stupid. If they can get away with it, even to a small extent, there is no incentive to stop.
As far as a cite - well, every psychological study of humans and animals, since Pavlov got his dogs to salivate, has shown that conditioning works.
No and No. Because as **SofaSpud ** said:
As for me, I am personally horrified by the idea of physical violence directed at children or anyone else. I was beaten with a cane while growing up, had bruises the shape of grasping fingers on my upper arms from being grabbed and shaken, once had a bleeding head wound from a hairbrush hurled at me, etc. etc. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents now, but it took me YEARS to get over the feelings of terror, helplessness and hopelessness I often felt as a child. Because of my own memories, I could never lay a hand of punishment on my child unless that was the only way to save his life.
That having been said, not everyone carries around baggage like that. A quick swat on the bottom from a loving parent who is not out of control in order to keep a toddler from running into the street? The law has no business inserting itself into that situation.
I might add that luckily, a raised voice or a dirty look is all it takes to strike terror into the heart of my son, and we’ve been very careful to see that he is supplied with privileges/toys/activities that he is very fond of, thus giving us a menu of punishment options if we need them – we can deprive him of computer games, cut off his allowance, etc. But just because it works for us doesn’t mean it would work for everyone.
I’m a big one on learning through natural consequences, rather than punishment. But this is one area where I don’t want to let the kid injure himself merely to find out how the world works! But when the actual natural consequence puts our kids at risk, I want to find a very, very similar response to the natural one which delivers an organic message. Pain and shock are natural consequences of those actions - had I not stopped my kid from running in the street, his action could have met with a great deal more pain and shock. A smack on the diapered butt is a bit painful, and shocking, and may set the idea that “running into street” = pain and shock. Since that’s exactly what I want him to learn, without actually being injured by a moving car, I guess that does deliver much the same message.
What I’m just not comfortable is with the idea that pain and unpredictable behavior (“shock”) comes from Mommy, which is a possible lesson from the same scenario. I guess since 99.9% of the time, Mommy is present with no pain, it’s an far less likely conditioned response. But if spanking is overused, it can certainly happen - as mentioned above, kids can start to cringe when their parents are around, if they’ve been conditioned that Mommy = pain and shock.
I’m just glad that for so many more things, The Look is all that’s needed! 
Hitting is wrong. Therefore, parents shouldn’t be allowed to spank their children.
Imprisoning someone is wrong. Therefore, parents shouldn’t be allowed to ground their children.
Stabbing is wrong. Therefore, doctors shouldn’t be allowed to give injections.
Tearing off someone’s clothes and exposing their private parts is wrong. Therefore parents shouldn’t be allowed to change their child’s diapers.
Seriously, I think the word “spanking” means different things to different people. Some of the things people call spanking should, I agree, never be done to a child, but spanking in general does not equal child abuse.
If those lawmakers can show us a scientific study proving that what they’re trying to ban is actually doing harm, then maybe I could get behind their proposed legislation. If not, they ought to mind their own business.
That’s not what I wanted a site for. Specifically, “spanking usually is done by parents who…are now acting out in anger.”
no and no.
Here’s what’s developed in our household: The boys occasionally get spanked. On the Bottom. With an open hand (you feel it as much as they do), usually with pants and underwear between the hand and target…and only after they’ve received two or more verbal warnings that what they’re doing isn’t right.
We reward, we take things away, those tools have their place. I’m a Parent, not a friend. I’m also not a child psychologist. I don’t need to reason with a child when I know they’re doing something wrong. That places the child on the same ground as the parent, and that’s not a fair or accurate situation. They’re kids not small adults.
Do we reason with them? yes, frequently we do. Do they know that what we say is law? Yes, but occasionally they test boundaries. It’s what kids do.
I’m all for discussing after the fact what caused them to be punished. (And it’s always phrased: What happened to you was as a result of your behavior. If you don’t behave that way, these things won’t happen.)
It’s not perfect, but parenting rarely is.
While spanking is obviously the best method, you can still avoid having kids pretty reliably by using condoms and/or effective birth control.
Are you trying to muddily convey that those who spank do not want children?
No sir. I am trying to convey that spanking it is the only 100% effective method of contraception. I am sure that even people who do want children spank it sometimes, and I don’t blame them.
I think you were whooshed. But don’t feel bad; it took me a while to figure out which monkey he was spanking, too.
This is exactly why anti=spanking laws are silly. Children ARE under the physical control of their parents, and must be so to a degree that we could not allow between adults. I can grab my kid and cart her up to my room and make her stay there; that’s a crime if I do it to an adult. I can grab her my the shoulders and look in in the eyes and say “No!” but if I did that to you, that is assault.
Attempting to ban corporal punishment has “witch hunt” and “botched prosecutions” written all over it.
Ah, I see ze funny now.